
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/368293.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck, MS_Paint_Adventures
  Relationship:
      Jake_English/Dirk_Strider
  Character:
      Jake_English, Dirk_Strider, Jane_Crocker, Roxy_Lalonde, Auto-Responder
  Additional Tags:
      Get_Together, First_Time, AU, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Teenage_boys_talking_too
      much_and_then_sometimes_they_make_out, Communication_Issues:_The
      Characters:_The_Fanfiction
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-03-24 Completed: 2012-05-07 Chapters: 7/7 Words: 60748
****** One Week ******
by FallacyFallacy
Summary
     When Dirk left for Jake's island in September 2011, he was pretty
     psyched to finally meet up with his best bro. And then Jake was
     'casually' asking him whether he'd ever kissed a bloke before and
     suddenly everything was super terrible. In which Jake is a doofus,
     Jane isn't altruistic (but totally is), Roxy wines *whines *okay
     both, Dirk is not cute and he's not confused either, he totally knows
     exactly what's going on, yeah, and all four of them are nothing more
     than big secret weirdos deep down. Mild AU.
Notes
     This fic was planned and partially written before the end of Act 6,
     so this fic ignores the revelations made then.
     As of now, the entire fic has been written in draft form. Each extra
     chapter will go up when I finish editing it. Sorry, but at the moment
     I can't say how long that will take, except that the next chapter
     probably won't take longer than a week.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Day One *****
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:21
GT: What ho my good chum!
TT: Yo.
GT: Are you ready to sally forth on an adventure of unenvisionable expanse?
GT: To stride confidently through the fields of whimsical wonder and exquisite
extravagance?
GT: Plunder the tombs of mateship?
GT: Fight back to back against the forces of boredom and apathy?
GT: Abduct an artefact of bountiful broship?
GT: *charismatic smile*
TT: Oh, I'm ready, all right.
TT: Ready to fuckin' high five while leaping into a ravine labelled 'the true
meaning of broship'.
TT: Or liberate millions of dollars of gold pieces from an ancient burial
ground.
TT: Only to realise that the real treasure was inside us all along.
TT: The treasure was friendship, by the way.
GT: Thats the spirit!
GT: All ready to go then?
GT: What am i saying you probably had all of your gadgets and assorted
paraphernalia packed and ready months ago!
TT: What makes you say that?
GT: Well youre just that kind of guy after all!
GT: All organised and prepared for practical concerns like that!
GT: Youre like the watson to my holmes!
TT: I'm not sure under what interpretation you could successfully compare
yourself to Sherlock Holmes, but whatever.
GT: A correct one! The bloke was actually pretty active in the original canon,
you know! Haven't you seen the latest movie?
GT: I watched it just the other day and it was really friggin good fun!
GT: He was even a boxer which isnt as good as wrestling but its pretty close!
TT: I'll take your word for it.
GT: Hmm. *taps chin shrewdly*
TT: What is that for?
TT: Or, shit, should I be saying:
TT: *wonders what the fuck Jake is emoting about*
GT: You fancy yourself as the great detective dont you!
TT: I actually don't really give a shit.
TT: But yeah, I think I'm more like him than you.
GT: Blasphemy!
GT: Thats it as soon as you arrive i challenge you to a duel!
GT: Winner claims the right to declare themselves the true holmes for the rest
of all eternity!
GT: Do you accept?
TT: That depends. What are the specifications of this duel?
TT: Should I bring a pair of flintlock pistols? Or perhaps one of my totally
sugoi katanas would be more fitting with this vision you have created for
yourself.
TT: I assure you that I am treating this matter with utmost seriousness.
GT: What no.
GT: We duel with fists like real men!
GT: Also your katanas are kinda dumb anyway.
TT: What.
TT: Okay, that's it. I accept your duel.
GT: Wonderful! *pumps fist thoroughly*
TT: Seriously though, if any of us are a detective, shouldn't it be Jane?
GT: Maybe we are all him?
TT: What about Roxy? What qualities of Sherlock Holmes could we possibly find
in her?
GT: Hmmm.
GT: Well sherlock holmes did have a tradition of problems with certain...shall
we say dubious substances?
TT: Oh my god.
GT: Oh my! *rubs back of neck nervously* That was terribly rude of me! I should
not have said such impolite things about roxy!
TT: No, no, that was perfect.
TT: So Sherlock Holmes has Jane's obsession with detectives, your fisticuffs,
my intelligence, and Roxy's drunkenness?
GT: Oh shut it you.
GT: But in all seriousness it will be nice to spar with an actual person for a
change!
TT: Why? Is something wrong with the brobot?
GT: No no!
GT: Well...
TT: What is it.
GT: Its nothing! Its fine!
GT: I just meant that its pretty different wrestling with an actual flesh and
blood person than a big hunk of metal thats all!
TT: There's more to it than just a hunk of metal.
TT: There is some pretty fucking complicated AI science going into that shit.
TT: Shit that most people would consider pretty goddamn impressive.
TT: It's not like I spent months welding fuckin' metal together.
GT: I know all that!
GT: Geez i wasnt trying to insult your abilities or anything!
GT: I only meant that he has kind of an advantage having metal instead of skin
and all.
TT: Hmm.
GT: What?
TT: Sounds to me like someone is making excuses.
GT: Oh come the fuck off it. *rolls eyes*
GT: Anyway my point is that im really excited to be seeing you dude!
TT: You had a point?
TT: Beyond your boastful claims r.e. some old detectives no-one but Jane cares
about anymore and your utterly scandalous allegations about the sugoiosity or
lack thereof of my katanas, I mean.
TT: I'm looking forward to it, too, though.
GT: Great!
GT: Actually come to think of it i should probably get the place ready...
TT: …
GT: What?
GT: Its not like theres all that much to do anyway!
TT: Should I bring food?
GT: No theres always plenty of cans here.
TT: What about non-canned stuff?
GT: Er...no. No i dont think i have much of that.
TT: I'll bring food.
GT: Good man.
TT: Anything else?
GT: Hmmmm...
GT: Just a theoretical question but...how concerned are you with personal
hygiene?
TT: That's it, I'm bringing the house.
GT: Thats not necessary!
TT: Seriously, wasn't your grandma a billionaire or something? How the fuck can
you live like this?
GT: It is pretty hard to get things sent here actually...
GT: Not all of us have appearifiers or sendificators or whatever!
TT: …
TT: Okay, house packed, I'm done.
GT: Fine!
GT: Its really not that bad...
TT: I'll be the judge of that.
GT: Heh its actually pretty exciting really! I still cant quite believe were
actually going to be meeting up!
TT: Same here.
GT: Its a shame jane and roxy couldnt come...then we would really be having a
blowout!
TT: Yeah.
TT: But it's not like we can expect Jane to come over right after something
like that.
GT: I still think shed be safer here.
GT: But i guess if the drones dont like it theres not much we can do!
GT: I dont really get why Roxy cant come though...
TT: Didn't she tell you?
TT: She was bitching to me about it for weeks.
TT: Not that I blame her, though.
TT: Hell of a time for her mom to have a tour or whatever the fuck it is.
TT: And suddenly decide to make some big mother-daughter gesture of affection
or something.
GT: Yes i did hear about that!
GT: It just makes me wonder whether thats the real reason thats all...
TT: Yeah, you told me.
TT: Honestly, I think she just meant it as a nice gesture, and when Roxy
resisted she took it to heart and persisted.
TT: You know how they are with their passive-aggressive war.
TT: Or rather, how Roxy's mom is.
TT: So less of a war and more one side alternating between sending missiles out
of nowhere and making grand statements of friendship and camaraderie out of
some kind of warped misapprehension that that is fooling goddamned anybody at
fuckin' all,
TT: While the other just kinda runs around in circles, stopping occasionally to
light a firework, only to be immediately and anticlimactically blown up.
TT: Anyway, I'm sure you'll get to meet up with her another time.
GT: I guess so.
GT: I must say with both of you having such full schedules and jane being so
heavily guarded its a bloody wonder if we ever manage to find a time when were
free at all!
TT: Well...we'll figure something out, I guess.
GT: Im sure you will!
GT: See this is just what i meant with plans and all! It is truly your area of
expertise!
TT: I guess.
GT: Its good! All heroes need someone to help them figure out what they should
do so they can put it into action!
GT: Just like mr george in arnie king returns!
TT: I'll take your word for it.
GT: What! :O You have truly never seen this masterpiece of cinema before?!
TT: Can the theatrics, English. I got it the last time you were totally shocked
I had never seen some 'incredible movie classic'.
TT: And the time before that. And the thousand goddamn times before that.
GT: Well I cant help it if I am constantly amazed!
GT: Your film education has been appallingly stunted my friend!
TT: Ok, Jane's pestering me.
TT: I guess the next time we talk will be in person.
GT: Guess so!
GT: It really shall be an honour seeing you, Dirk!
TT: You, too.
GT: Farewell until then!
TT: See you.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
*
By the time Jake's island became visible from the plane, Dirk was already
halfway to being a zombie. He'd flown before, of course, travelling all around
the world with his bro to different places promoting his movies or just on
holiday, but it'd been a while since the last time, and this flight wasn't
exactly on the shorter side. It always took longer to fly in a smaller plane,
and while he was aware of not only the benefits inherent in having your own
private plane but also the impossibility of finding an actual air service that
would fly to some random island in the middle of the pacific ocean, he couldn't
help but wonder if it would be worth trying just to shave a few hours off.
It wasn't uncomfortable by any means. Those benefits? Very, very real. But
though there was a very accomodating bed right beside him, he had unfortunately
been plagued with an affliction too embarrassing to admit aloud – he hadn't
been able to sleep. Which was fucking stupid, because seriously, what was he,
some little kid waiting to go to an amusement park? But whenever he thought
about it – actually seeing with his own eyes what he'd heard about for years,
seeing Jake's island and Jake's house and Jake right there in front of him –
his stomach did this weird kind of flip-flop churning thing that he supposed
could be described by some as 'infatuated' but which really came across to him
more as 'painful and inconvenient'.
He blamed the turbulence. For better or worse, that had also made its mark on
him.
He looked out of the window, swallowing, fiddling with the cord to his
earphones. He'd thought about this event for years, more deliberately and with
greater focus the closer it came. Out of habit, he had come up with plans and
scripts and had theorised about possible conversation directions, but in
reality he had no clue how what he was going to do. It was so outside of his
previous experience that he admitted privately that he was actually a little
freaked out by it all. It wasn't even just that he'd never met a friend from
the internet before (and there was no reason to pretend otherwise here – the
friends he had that didn't originate from the internet were pretty much
nonexistent), it was that the whole thing just meant so very much to him.
He wasn't used to that. He was used to living out his daily life in a kind of
hazy stupor – not apathetic, not quite, but nothing to ever really get excited
over.
He was used to that. Understood it. This he didn't, and that was actually
pretty irritating.
Nor had it escaped his notice that he and Jake would be stuck alone together in
a big house for a whole week. Sure, in his more indulgent moments he'd wondered
about the possibilities of that, and maybe even now and then he'd seriously
considered saying something to him, but the whole thing ultimately just felt
pretty unnecessary. Sure, all of that would be goddamn amazing, but if they did
nothing for the entire week but hang out like bros then he would be more than
happy. Just seeing Jake in person was good enough – for once, he had no desire
to overcomplicate things.
The island drifted closer and closer; while before he had been desperate for
any sight of it, now it seemed to be coming very quickly. He wished they could
get there sooner, but also was glad to have a last few moments to think things
over.
He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt. He'd spent an inordinate amount of time
deciding which one to wear and what to pack. Roxy would probably make fun of
him for that – she already made fun of him for everything else. He considered
texting her again but rejected the idea. He was almost there.
Fuck, he could actually see it. The trees, the frog temple Jake was always
talking about (Dirk was a little surprised to see that it really existed; he'd
always found the whole thing just a little too weird, but then again, he'd
thought that for most of what Jake said), that humongous house and the spire
with the ball at the top. His mind stuttered, trying to take in everything and
remember every detail but also trying not to, to calm himself down. He was
clutching his armrest tight.
There he was. Jake. Smiling and waving.
Fuck.
The plane touched down and his body did strange things.
The landing was bumpy due to the lack of a runway, but the plane was small and
there was apparently enough space. Dirk watched silently, waiting for it to
stop completely.
Eventually, the motor quieted. Dirk breathed out. He stood up, walking through
the door and into the cockpit, and thanked the pilot, reminding him to be here
a week later. He'd be receiving a very substantial payment from Dirk's bro's
bank balance before long, and the nod he gave Dirk showed how eager he was to
receive it. Satisfied, Dirk returned to the main body of the plane.
Okay. Which bags should he take?
...goddammit, this was stupid.
He shook his head. No. He'd just spent twenty seven goddamn hours thinking
about this, plus all the time at home getting ready. He was not going to obsess
over it.
He grabbed his backpack and one of his luggage bags and strode towards the door
firmly, pushing it open. Immediately he narrowed his eyes, the sun bright even
through his shades, and winced at the wave of heat and humidity – it had been
pleasantly cool in the plane.
“Dirk!”
Fuck.
He paused, seeing Jake in front of him on the sand. His dark skin, tanned
further by time spent outdoors. Freckles over his cheeks and shoulders. The
collars of his shirt, the skull on his t-shirt. Messy black hair sticking up in
a way that didn't seem physically possible. Grinning up at him that same grin
he'd seen time and time again in videochats but here, now.
He allowed himself a small smile and a nod, and Jake grinned wider, laughing.
He felt different face to face like this. Dirk had always had the odd sort of
impression that Jake wasn't the kind of person you could understand completely
over a computer, and it seemed his idea had been right. You could tell as soon
as you looked at him that this wasn't a guy made for text – he was far too
biological for that. He was as far from a robot as it was possible to get.
Which was maybe a strange thing for Dirk to think highly of, but hey, he could
appreciate both extremes, right?
Or maybe he was just hot and Dirk was overthinking this.
He walked down the steps, eyes locked. “Hey,” he said finally.
Either way, in an instant all of Dirk's tiredness and worry seemed to melt
away. He was here and Jake was here. It was hard for that to go wrong.
Jake didn't waste any time, rushing forward and throwing his arms around Dirk
in a hug. “Gosh it's really friggin' good to see you, mate!” he said with
feeling, and holy shit that accent was every bit as ridiculous in real life as
it looked on the screen, possibly even more. He was very warm, his arms firm,
and Dirk struggled with the bags a little but only managed to free one and put
it around Jake.
But Jake misinterpreted. “Oh by golly fuck those bags must be heavy! Here-”
“What? No, it's not like-” But then Jake had already grabbed the luggage and –
okay, it looked like it barely weighed anything when he did it. Okay. That was.
Actually also kind of hot.
Huh.
“I'll just get the rest, then,” Dirk said, gesturing to the plane, and Jake
nodded.
He walked back and forth, taking the rest out. He'd expected to have to make
multiple trips, but Jake was apparently okay to take most of them. Dirk had to
admit that this unprecedented display of strength was more than a little
intimidating.
“Wow, you weren't kidding when you threatened to pack your house...”
“Somehow I think even you would have trouble carrying a house.”
“Couldn't this all have gone into your sylladex?”
“I put as much in as possible but the Tech-Hop Modus isn't really the best for
carrying lots of junk. It's a bit more sophisticated than that.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Well, let's get going then, shall we?”
He had to admit, the island was actually pretty fucking spectacular. Before
them lay clear rolling fields thickening into jungle further up. Strange albino
animals wandered across, ranging from tiny insects to giant monstrosities that
Dirk couldn't quite believe complied with the laws of physics. No wonder Jake
was walking quickly. But all danger aside, it was a pretty transfixing sight.
He was certainly damn sure he'd never seen any animal like this before, not on
a screen and certainly not in real life. He wasn't even into biology and he was
half tempted to track some of them down and just study them.
A strange cat-like thing with two mouths passed nearby, while a group of things
roughly resembling rams grazed in the tall grass. It was like they'd landed on
some alien planet. He shot a glance at Jake – no, apparently this was all
normal for him.
The island itself was interesting as well, all dramatic cliffs and small
mountains. Exactly what you'd think of if asked to describe a tropical island,
really. Dirk wasn't normally one inclined towards poetic thoughts or meditative
contemplation of nature or shit like that, but it was certainly aesthetically
pleasing, that was for sure.
The house was pretty far away – all the way up at the top of some giant hill.
Who the fuck had thought that was a good idea? Not that Jake probably often had
reason to leave, anyway, though. At least there was a path.
“So how've things been?”
“Dude, you know. We just talked...fuck, I have no idea how long ago.”
Jake turned, raising an eyebrow. “You sound tired.”
“No shit, I just sat through a 27-hour-long plane ride.” He shook his head.
“It's fine, though.”
“I guess you couldn't sleep on the plane... that is pretty hard.” Jake tilted
his head to one side. “I suppose I'll have to wait before cashing in your
promise to wrestle with me!”
“I thought it was a duel.”
“It is both a duel and a wrestle. A wrestleduel. A duelwrestle. A
duewrlestlel.” Jake spluttered, and Dirk chuckled.
“Don't hurt yourself. And yeah, that might be a good idea. Then again, it might
help to make it more fair if I'm sleep-deprived.”
Jake rolled his eyes theatrically. “You wish, Strider. No, we're not going to
be squaring off one on one until we are both fighting fit! No compromises, and
I expect none from you, either!”
“Of course.”
“Hmmm...” Jake suddenly grinned, pausing walking long enough to look Dirk
straight on. “I was planning to wait a while before getting to this, but I
can't think of a better opportunity!”
“What?” For reasons he couldn't quite begin to explain, Dirk's stomach began to
sink. All he knew was that that smile meant trouble.
Jake looked downright victorious, puffing out his chest like some fucking
overblown bird douchebag. “We are going to have a marathon!”
“...a marathon?” Of – oh fuck. “Oh hell no.”
“Hell yes,” Jake repeated, smiling growing wider. “Hell fucking yes.”
“No. No we are not.”
“Oh, come on. There are so many you haven't seen yet!” Jake whined, turning
around and striding forward again. Hastily, Dirk followed, stumbling slightly
over a rock as they began to ascend. “Didn't I always promise you I'd show you
them all someday?”
“I thought you were joking. Exaggerating. We're not seriously watching them
all.”
“Well, not all of them. By god man, that would take days! No, much longer!
Certainly more time than we have to spare this week. But that's all the more
reason to do it properly, right?”
“Fuck.”
“What was the last one? Arnie King Returns, I think? Yes, that will make an
excellent starting point...”
Dirk groaned; Jake laughed.
The house was just as impressive, and more cluttered than Dirk could possibly
have imagined.
“Jesus, what is all this stuff?” Dirk muttered, slowing down to catch his
breath under the guise of looking at a painting of some weird crab-like
creature.
“Oh, my grandma had all sorts of interests! Science, botany, fauna of all kinds
- she just loved to collect all this stuff!”
“I can see...” Dirk veered around a large and someone unnerving statue of an
anthromorphic dog. Yeah, he wasn't gonna think about that.
“Didn't you say your brother is the same?”
“I don't think a Strider and an English could ever be deemed the same,” Dirk
said as they travelled through a room that had clearly become overrun with
vegetable plants at some point in its long history. Stepping over an unfeasibly
large tomato, he added, “but yeah, he has some weird interests of his own. Old
movies and stuff, mostly.”
“That's right!” Jake said emphatically, nonchalantly ducking under a large vine
covered in grapes. “Good man, good man. I can appreciate that. What sort?”
“Crap ones, mostly. Well, entirely. And he had this weird obsession with Con
Air.”
“Oh really? Yes, that was a good one! Always love a good Cage flick! The ending
made me cry when I was a kid...” Jake chuckled.
“Please tell me you're not going to force me to watch it. I've already seen it,
anyway.” The next room was filled with books of all kinds, ranging from tomes
so decrepit they almost seemed to dissolve before your eyes to discs tucked in
between or piled up in stacks. He wondered how old Jake had been when she had
died.
“Hmmm... it is tempting! But no, we have plenty of other movies to be getting
along with, so I suppose we can skip that one.”
They reached a tall room with two sets of stairs on either side; even this room
was filled with various vials and jugs containing all kids of dangerous-looking
liquid. Dirk glared at the stairs, eyes narrowed.
“Are we gonna have to walk up these? Because I told you about stairs, bro.”
“I told you, dog,” Jake said with enthusiasm, and for a minute he sounded so
much like some weird old guy trying to sound cool Dirk almost laughed aloud.
Inwardly he resolved to subtly make Jake repeat as many of his brother's
idiotic phrases as he could this week. “But no, for we have this handy gadget
right here!” Jake stepped onto the center platform, and in a second he had
disappeared with a flash of green light.
Dirk raised his eyebrows. Well, that was convenient. He followed, and soon they
reached the top. Up a set of stairs, and there they were – Jake's room.
It was...well, just as he had expected. In fact, it was even more Jake than he
had envisioned it – movie posters covering every inch of wallspace, comic books
all over the place, guns lined up along the walls. It was pretty small, made
even more cramped with the two beds and a couch and coffee table that Jake had
probably brought up just for him. (Wait, that would involve dragging them up
the stairs and – no, never mind, Jake could probably do that anyway.
Apparently.) Even with everything pushed to one side it was a tight fit.
“They're unloaded,” Jake said, noticing Dirk's line of sight. Dirk rolled his
eyes, but inwardly thanked Jake for not being a total idiot all of the time.
“That second bed on the right there's yours, I brought it up yesterday. The
toilet's in the room just below and to the left. Er, if you go down the stairs,
and you're facing the wall, then it's to the left... Well, I'm sure you'll work
it out.” Jake spun around, clapping his hands. “So! What do you think?”
Dirk considered his answer. “It's pretty rad,” he said honestly.
Jake grinned widely – that same intoxicating grin he always seemed to wear. Or
every time Dirk saw him, anyway. “Well! How about you get your stuff ready and
I'll set up the telly?”
Dirk nodded, turning to his bags immediately. Most of it was probably
unnecessary – okay, he might have been a little paranoid to envision Jake
living in some single room in a cave somewhere, but it wasn't like Jake hadn't
given him enough to worry about. It seemed like the house had most of what he'd
need apart from obvious necessities like changes of clothes, edible food, and
soap.
First things first – he unpacked Cal. Ahh, Cal. It had felt more than a little
cruel to keep him cooped up in there for so long. He took him out,
flashstepping him over by the bed out of habit.
“GAH!” Jake suddenly fell over, resting on his hands, staring at the beds.
“What the bleeding shit was that?!”
“Huh?” Dirk flashstepped over again to pick up Cal and Jake let out a rather
undignified squawking noise. “This is Lil' Cal.”
Jake stared. “You did that?!”
“…well, yeah.” Dirk shrugged, flashstepping over to the door and back to
demonstrate. “I told you I could, didn’t I?”
Jake adjusted his glasses, shaking his head. “I thought perhaps that was just
another of your boasts, like your stupid stories about your swords.”
“What boasts? That was the truth.” He looked him straight in the eyes, drawing
upon all of his vital reserves of pokerface energy. Years of training with his
bro had prepared him for moments like these. “Dude, my bro and I spent, like, a
month in the tsundere mountains. We camped out every night and hunted mountain
lions for food. I thought you of all people would understand what that’s like.”
Jake glared at him, then smiled, all hint of suspicion or jealousy fading away
in seconds. “Well I must say that it’s very impressive!”
Dirk shrugged a little, straightening slightly. “Well, bro's pretty good as
well.” Not that he could resist flashstepping Lil’ Cal’s cap onto Jake’s head.
He was only human.
“Eh-” Jake pulled the hat off as soon as he felt the weight and threw it
violently at Dirk; it went flat and fluttered slowly to the floor between them
within seconds.
Jake’s eye twitched. “Well. You might be fast, but let’s see-“ he took his guns
out of his sylladex but then stopped. “Wh-“
Dirk twirled the handle nonchalantly. “You were saying?”
“Oh, will you just shut up already,” Jake complained, but he was smiling, and
Dirk returned the pistols with a slight smirk.
“Thanks, bro.” He turned to Lil’ Cal and opened his mouth but flinched. “That’s
– Lil’ Cal, then.”
“Yep.” Dirk made Lil’ Cal sit up on the bed and Jake flinched again. “What?”
Jake raised an eyebrow, then narrowed his eyes, then tilted his head to one
side. “…it looks weird. And creepy.”
“What? No man, Lil’ Cal is the shit,” Dirk said, somewhat affronted. He made an
unconscious step towards him.
“Seriously?”
“Uh, yeah.”
Jake scratched his cheek. “Is this another one of those dadblasted complicated
irony things you do?”
“Well, duh.” Jake relaxed. “That’s the whole point. It’s such a high level of
irony that it actually wraps around to sincerity. A few times, in fact. It’s
very complex.”
“That sounds a lot like actual sincerity.”
“That’s the point.” Dirk nodded wisely. “The best irony always comes across
indistinguishable from actual sincerity. Have you ever heard of Poe’s Law?”
“…so you don’t actually think he’s awesome.”
“He is awesome,” Dirk insisted, picking Lil’ Cal up. Why was Jake not getting
this? Jesus, he could not be explaining more clearly.
Jake shook his head, frowning. “I don't think I understand!”
Dirk pursed his lips. Already the explanation was coming to him, as easily as
if he'd rehearsed it, but Jake's doubtful expression stopped him. “It's fine.”
He turned, going back to his bags to unpack more of his things.
Clothes, games, food – he sorted through them slowly, Lil' Cal still sitting
happily on the bed. Lil' Cal was always happy.
After a few minutes Jake left down the stairs. He returned soon later, arms
full of candy and popcorn. “All right! We're ready, then!”
Dirk nodded, turning around and... “Uh...where's the TV?”
Jake shook his head. “Oh, no! What I have is much better!” Jake dropped the
food onto the coffee table, sitting on the couch. Hesitantly, Dirk followed,
sitting beside him and looking forward in the direction Jake was. He couldn't
see anything. He was just going to ask again when Jake held out a controller
and pressed a button and holy goddamn shit-
It was like the whole room just fell away, replaced by a black void except for
a huge holohraphic projection of what was unmistakably Arnie King Returns'
title screen. He blinked, removing his shades and looking aside to Jake. He was
grinning widely, expectantly.
“Pretty cool.”
Jake wilted. “Come on. Surely it's better than that?”
It actually was. Dirk certainly wasn't low on money and never really had been,
but Jake had apparently been putting better use to his. Or was this his
grandma's doing? Who knew. In any case, if this was how Jake watched movies, it
was actually kind of understandable why he was so obsessed with them.
He shrugged.
Jake narrowed his eyes. “Are you still upset about me not liking your puppet?”
“He's not just a puppet,” Dirk muttered. Of course Jake would just outright
ask. The boy had no subtlety whatsoever.
“Then what is it? Please enlighten me, because I don't understand.” For a
moment, Jake looked almost frighteningly intense, and Dirk realised with some
surprise that he honestly wanted to know. He wasn't sure why this was news to
him – he'd known Jake since they were both eleven, after all, and he'd known
Jane and Roxy for even longer – but apparently it was.
It was a little odd. With most other people he'd just say it, almost
challengingly. Because he didn't give a shit what they thought, and if they
thought he was crazy for it, well, all the better for him. But he wasn't crazy
and it wasn't weird or anything, and maybe he actually sort of did want Jake to
know some things about himself. Things he had carefully apportioned and
deliberately distributed to him, at any rate.
“He's my friend.”
Jake stared at him. “What?”
Dirk nodded. “He used to be bro's. I like keeping him around. It's...well.
Useful to have a friend actually, y'know, physically nearby.”
Jake continued to stare. Instinctively, Dirk narrowed his eyes.
Then Jake snorted. Then chuckled.
“What?”
Jake continued to chuckle – no, not chuckle, giggle. “I'm – I'm sorry, but
that's really, really cute.”
Dirk's mouth contorted itself into a strange an unlikely variety of shapes.
Jake laughed even harder. “I am not cute.”
“You consider a puppet your friend. That's either cute or really bloody weird,
dude.”
“I'll take weird.”
“Too late! I've already decided it's cute. It's ruddy god-fucking adorable.”
Dirk glared at him hatefully. Jake downright gaffawed. It was not even slightly
attractive.
“I thought we had a movie to watch?”
“Right!” Jake pressed the play button immediately, practically beaming in
anticipation.
The movie began. Unfortunately, it was exactly as stupid as he'd expected. From
the moment it started Dirk couldn't help pointing out the plot holes and
logical fallacies. Fortunately, as expected, Jake wasn't the sort to despise
people talking through movies, and seemed honestly just pleased that Dirk
wanted to talk about it at all, even to criticise it. For all his shameless
fanboying he was surprisingly ready to admit when something didn't make sense
and would often join Dirk in mocking it. And...well. It was actually pretty
fun, even if the movie was still crap.
Plus, it was all very interesting from a sociological point of view. Maybe Jake
was onto something and it would serve him well to bone up on his film-based pop
culture.
“Oh my god, what even the fuck.”
“What? No, no, don't talk here, this is-”
“Don't tell me you're enjoying this. It makes no sense whatsoever! This whole
movie they've been beating us over the head that this guy won't stop at
anything to win, and then all of a sudden he just gives up as soon as the hero
points a gun at him?”
“It's called strategy, Dirk, seriously-”
“He has a fucking button to call every soldier in the country at his command!
It's right there in his pocket!”
“I thought they destroyed that earlier?”
“No, they destroyed the other button, the one that explodes the bridge.”
“I thought it was the same button?”
“It wasn't, he put them both out in the second scene!”
Jake paused. He pursed his lips. “Maybe that was a different button?”
“Oh, for fuck's sake – and what the shit is this girl doing? She's hated him
the whole movie, and now she suddenly wants to jump him just 'cause he saved
her?”
“He's a hero! Girls like that.”
“'Girls' don't like anything. They are human beings just like you and me and
are perfectly sensible. And they don't just change their minds about a guy
who's been harrassing them for days just – the fuck.”
“Ooh, I love this bit!”
“Why did he jump out of the window? There was a door, like, right there.”
“It looked cool.”
“It looked painful.”
“You have no imagination.”
“I have plenty of imagination. A far better imagination than these writers,
clearly.”
Jake's eyes sparkled challengingly. “Why Mr. Strider, that sounded awfully like
thrown-down gauntlet, there.”
“I assure you, Mr. English, that it most certainly wasn't.”
“No, seriously!” Jake said, forgetting about the movie momentarily and turning
fully to Dirk. “It's actually a pretty great idea – we could write our own
script and act it out and make it ourselves – I'm sure you have some fancy-
pants editing thing on your computer or whatever – and maybe even the girls
could get involved as well, maybe filming some extra scenes just of them or
doing music or something – that is, if you don't want to do the music
yourself!”
Dirk raised his eyebrows; watching Jake as he got steadily more excited was far
more interesting than this shitfest of a movie.
“It'd be an action movie of course – ahh, but it would have elements from all
kinds of genres: comedy, horror, romance, drama-”
“Romance?”
“Y-” Jake paused, faltering. “...well whatever. But it would be really
original! It'd be a movie of movies, referencing all kinds of films through
time! And not just really famous ones as well – all movies, big or small, from
the movies that change worlds to the movies that only one or two people ever
even see but which still deserve recognition! Like one massive tribute to the
entire industry!”
Dirk remembered the bowl of popcorn on the table and rested it on his lap,
throwing a piece into his mouth. Jake didn't hesitate for a moment.
“Yes – and not just in plot or characters as well, but in everything! Music,
sound effects, setting – I'm sure we could dress up some of the rooms here for
sets! That'd do for plots as well – I guess we haven't much in way of costuming
but that's never really all that important anyway. Actually, I'm assuming
there's a camera down there somewhere – it'd be better with a good one, but in
a pinch I suppose we could just use a phone or something. It'd be shaky, but
there'd be an odd sort of charm about it, don't you think? True amateur
cinema!”
Dirk took another bite, crunching loudly.
“Oh yes, I can see it now – just you and me trekking through the wilderness
together, bringing food with us and camping out each night, stopping every day
to shoot scenes and editing them together at night – doesn't it just sound
perfect?!”
Dirk waited. Jake waited.
“The movie's done.”
“Ah, right!” Immediately Jake leapt off the couch to scrounge around for the
next DVD. Dirk raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. It seemed even Jake was
even more Jake than he'd expected.
“Oh, this one's a classic – I think you said you didn't watch it a couple of
years ago? Yes, when we were having that conversation about sport! I know you
don't know anything about cricket but it's really not necessary, it's still a
really amazing movie!”
This movie, too, was bearable, albeit with extensive commentary on both boys'
parts. The next movie was even actually rather good, though admitting it might
have been a mistake because the light in Jake's eyes when he did so was more
than a little foreboding. The next movie was...well, different, anyway, the one
after that crap, the one after might have been good but it was hard to tell at
this point, and after that Dirk didn't even bother trying to distinguish
between one movie and the next anymore, contenting himself with leaning back
and watching the pictures move.
His eyes were getting heavy – all the excitement from meeting Jake had pushed
his tiredness to the back of his mind but now it returned in full force. He
resisted at first but as the film went on and Jake appeared happy to keep
watching, he let it happen.
It was surprisingly comfortable sitting here, leaning against the arm. He was
sure Jake was aware he was half-asleep by now, but apparently, that was ok,
too.
He breathed out.
*
Consciousness returned dully, but quickly. Still another movie playing. He
shifted, sitting up and blinking his eyes open. The darkness was more than a
little disorienting.
“What time is it?”
“Five o'clock. You've only been asleep for two hours, so don't worry – I expect
you'll get to bed fine tonight.”
Dirk stretched his arms then rubbed his eyes. He did feel much better now,
thought it did feel pretty weird that nothing seemed to have changed in the
time he was asleep.
Jake was still sitting beside him, watching the movie avidly. Half-eaten food
was strewn over the table; Dirk wondered what they'd do for dinner, if
anything.
It was a romantic comedy this time, apparently. From the looks of it, it had
only just started – the girl was going on about how amazing the guy was, so
clearly they hadn't had the requisite conflict and split yet. One of the other
characters said something so incredibly transparent that Dirk automatically
made a sarcastic comment mentally, but somehow he didn't really feel in the
mood to voice it aloud.
Maybe it was the weirdness of the whole situation just now hitting him, or
maybe it was because he'd just woken up, but he felt oddly sensitive all of a
sudden. His skin prickled, twitching at the slightest pressure, and his chest
felt heavy. There was something warm there, warm and oddly sickly, like one of
Jane's overly sweetened puddings and in the haze of darkness and awkwardness
and grumpiness it actually wasn't all that pleasant.
The girl in the movie was loud and passionate and 'feisty'; the guy was flirty
and challenging. In other words, they were both dickheads who probably deserved
each other. He had never entirely understood exactly what was so romantic about
this plotline that almost every single romantic story he'd ever come across
(read: very few, quite deliberately) went this way, but he'd never really
understood much about romance altogether.
But he had to admit the girl wasn't entirely unattractive. She was charming and
confident and even he would agree that she was pleasant to look at, even if he
didn't at all want to sleep with her. When she tossed her long brown hair and
her blue eyes shined Dirk wondered whether this was what Jake liked. She might
not be blue, maybe, but he must have other qualities he found attractive. He
was so confident in that one thing, it was a little impossible to believe he
didn't have some sort of type.
He chanced a look; Jake was watching even more intently than usual, if
possible, eyes narrowed. If he didn't know better Dirk would almost think he
looked thoughtful. Uneasily, he turned back to the movie, hoping this wouldn't
end up in some sort of big discussion.
The film wasn't as bad as he expected, actually. The characters called each
other out on their idiocy and actually had some genuinely cute moments
together. But maybe that was just because Jake was beside him and the weight in
his chest was rapidly becoming hotter and hotter, sending goosebumps down his
arms. Fuck, this was weird. Maybe he should take a pill or something? Or go
back to sleep?
The movie drew to a close on the happy couple's kiss and Dirk waited for Jake
to replace it with another movie, glad this whole thing was over. But the
credits continued to roll and still Jake didn't move. Dirk glanced at him again
and immediately wished he hadn't, for the look of utter serious contemplation
sent warning signals through pretty much everything ever.
“Have you ever kissed a bloke before?”
Several long seconds passed before Dirk was even capable of understanding that
question. His whole body seemed to jump slightly, all his muscles squeezing in
unison; his stomach twisted in a way that made him feel downright nauseous.
What the fucking fuck.
Once it returned consciousness Dirk's brain immediately whirred into action;
unfortunately, its focus was rather skewed. Don't wait too long, he thought, if
you wait a long time it looks suspicious. But then he thought, no, this is a
fucking serious thing here, I can't just say whatever. I need to think about
this. And then he realised that he was spending more time thinking about how
long to think about the question than could even be justified thinking about
the question in the first place, which made him wonder whether he might as well
think about the question now anyway since he had already kept Jake waiting
regardless, and ok maybe he was panicking.
The credits were still running and with with the black background it was as
though nothing existed in the world but Jake, the couch, and the table in front
of them. The cheery music seemed to echo forever.
“No,” he said shortly. “Why?”
Jake shrugged casually and Dirk wondered whether he really hadn't picked up on
Dirk's reaction. How long had he waited? Fuck, for all he knew the computations
had happened in an instant; that sort of thing had happened to him before. Or
he had sat there for five minutes and Jake was being polite. He genuinely had
no idea and that did not help his heart rate at all.
“Oh, you know, adventurous guy like me wonders about all that...”
Dirk's eye twitched. Was he dreaming? This was not fucking sexy. Just a few
hours ago things had been great but everything was suddenly terrible and Dirk
did not understand anything at all anymore.
Why was Jake licking his lips. Dirk wanted to punch him a little, then a lot.
“And...” Jake shifted, avoiding Dirk's eyes; Dirk's eye twitched again.
“Well...it's not as though I have a lot of opportunities to try it out...”
His body was doing things that no body should be able to do. His arms felt hot.
There was a sharp pain in his foot. It was as though someone had shoved his
brain into a blender and then plugged that into him, expecting him to get some
sort of physical action or coherent thought from it.
This seemed like the sort of statement he could spend time thinking on. He
deliberately thought it to himself, too: 'all right, brain, think away.' But
nothing came. He shivered. At some point the bus he was driving had crashed
through a wall. Which was bad, only then it just kept crashing through walls,
and Dirk had no idea how to make it stop. Crash crash crash crash.
He licked his lips. He looked at the movie – finally, the title screen had
returned, playing the same 30-second-long song snippet over and over.
Strangely, the repetition almost seemed to help, calming his thoughts. At least
this was something he could fucking count on fucking fuck oh shit.
He had so many questions and he had absolutely no idea what to do with them. He
had absolutely no idea what to do with anything.
This? This was an utterly terrible idea for every single reason ever. Ever
since he and Jake first interacted online, he had always known deep down,
subconsciously or otherwise, that it could never happen. It wasn't something he
sort of believed but wished otherwise, it was a singular fact about the
universe. He might like to daydream otherwise, but those daydreams were as
impossible as imagining that he was a fucking samurai or a goddamned superhero
or something. The question was not whether Jake would respond favourably to
Dirk's inevitable confession, it was how unfavourably he would respond.
But that wasn't the main thing. That was the thing overwhelming Dirk's senses
and choking him because this was coming out of motherfucking nowhere, but that
wasn't the main reason not to do this. The main reason was that he was goddamn
in love with him and yeah, actually kind of already aware he was into guys, and
pretending otherwise on either of these things couldn't really constitute
anything other than lying to Jake.
Jake was happy to fool around with Dirk believing that Dirk was in exactly the
same position he was. Would he be so happy if he knew the truth?
“It seems,” he said finally, even managing a chuckle (albeit one that sounded
high-pitched even to his ears), “that there is an 87.1% probability that you
are propositioning me, English. Are you propositioning me?”
“Er, well,” Jake said, and fuck him but all of a sudden Jake looked almost as
flustered as Dirk had felt just then; he blushed, running a hand through his
hair. “Haha, sorry, that probably came out sounding a little weird! I just-”
“Wait.” Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
The bus crashed through a final wall, fell three storeys into a basement and
killed seven people on impact.
He thought about it. He licked his lips again. He stared at the title,
unseeing. He didn't think about it, actually, but he felt that at least waiting
a few seconds would be better than not at all. He gripped the sofa under his
fingers, suddenly aware that in this void he had no proper conception of up or
down. He felt like he was sitting on some heaving boat that was screwing with
his center of gravity.
Then he thought something. He thought, 'Jake wants to make out with me.'
His body did slightly more familiar things, if in ways involving rather more
twisting and anxiety than ever before.
“I didn't say no,” he said finally, letting the words roll deep from his
tongue.
A silence, strained.
He was a fucking really terrible person. He actually literally seriously was.
“Oh!” Jake said, sounding almost comedically relieved. “Well then! That's jolly
good then, wouldn't you say!” Then he was shifting closer and wait fuck what.
“So shall we?”
“W-now?”
Jake nodded, shrugging cheerfully. “No time like the present!”
He felt like he'd been watching a movie and had gotten lost in thought and when
he came back to earth, something completely different was playing. He'd accuse
Jake of stopping and changing it for another film halfway through, but what
would be the point of him doing that? He didn't recognise these characters, he
had no idea what was going on, and his brain was scrambling to justify that.
This must be a really mind screwy movie, he would think. There's no way I'd be
so confused otherwise. But this wasn't a movie, this was real life, and jesus
pretending he knew what was going on here was so much more fucking difficult.
Dirk let out a sharp breath in something that could possibly be interpreted as
a snort. What the fuck, it wasn't like he couldn't handle this. He could do it.
He hadn't been lying when he'd said he'd never kissed a guy before, but it
wasn't like he didn't know what to do or anything. And this was just Jake. It
wasn't as though he was the first guy to kiss someone he had a crush on.
He'd just...wing it. Not normally his style, but it wasn't like he had any
other fuckin' choice here.
“All right,” he said slowly, turning in his seat, feeling a bit dizzy at the
surreality of it all. Here he was, in some void lit only by the title screen
for a shitty romance movie, about to make out with Jake on his sofa. That
didn't sound very Hollywood. Something indie, maybe. Jake would still watch it,
probably.
“Ok,” Jake murmured, shuffling forward and then taking his glasses off and
placing them on the table. He looked different without them, in a way Dirk
didn't presently have the brainpower to explore. Jake put a hand on Dirk's knee
and Dirk put a hand on his arm.
Jake was taller than him, a little. He'd never noticed that before. His
eyelashes curved with his eyes, an oddly elegant touch to such a boisterous
person. He liked the contrast.
Jake breathed out and leaned in.
At first nothing changed – it was weird and confusing and not all that good.
There were lips and Jake was kind of holding him tightly and Jake kept pushing
against him but Dirk, trying to get ahold of the situation, was instinctively
moving back, until Jake was almost leaning over him. Jake's eyes were squeezed
shut with the expression of one who was concentrating intensely, and Dirk could
tell that he was thinking about this as much as Dirk.
No. No, he wasn't going to think about this, or what it meant, or if Jake would
enjoy it, or anything. He was done. He was groggy from sleep and weirded out
about everything and he was fucking kissing Jake, and if that wasn't an
opportunity to shut his mind off for a little while, nothing was.
And...it did.
His eyes fluttered closed. He caught his breath, gaining a rhythm. His other
hand came to Jake's side and he returned the pressure, licking at Jake's lips
and pushing in. Jake made an odd, surprised little gravelly grunt to that which
was very nice, actually, and Dirk pushed forwards, tightening his hands around
Jake.
And, well...Dirk hadn't kissed a guy before. Neither, obviously, had Jake. He
was a bit too eager, too forward, too fast. Dirk was too removed, too hesitant,
and then too challenging. He plunged his tongue into Jake's mouth and Jake
chuckled a little, almost, pulling Dirk to him and kissing him in earnest. He
made a particular movement with his tongue against the tip of Dirk's and Dirk
let out a quiet breath, and then Jake actually paused for a moment before
almost rolling into Dirk's mouth, pouring himself into him.
It was fucking amazing.
Jake's hand was exerting more and more force on Dirk's knee as he leant his
weight onto him, accidentally pushing it away from him, outwards. Jake was big
and heavy and very, very masculine; Dirk could feel the slight texture of
stubble around his mouth and it was a little scary how hot that was. He sucked
at Jake's mouth, holding his tongue between his lips, then broke away to press
his teeth into Jake's bottom lip, just slightly, just to test it out.
Jake broke away just enough to see him. He swallowed visibly – how much of Dirk
was in that? Their breaths intermingled and Jake absent-mindedly rubbed his
thumb across Dirk's thigh, just above the knee.
Jake's eyes was wide, his pupils dilated. “Wow.”
Dirk nodded. Jake's lips were very very red. His chest was moving up and down
beneath his shirt as he breathed.
“I say,” Jake said, his eyes flickering, and there was that, too – there was
nothing separating them, no computer screen, not even any glasses. Dirk wanted
to kiss him again. “I would rather say that that was a success!”
Dirk nodded again. If he were thinking he would probably be concerned by the
fact that he had not yet managed to get his brain working again, but to do that
would, paradoxically, require him to be capable of processing anything more
complicated than basic sensory experiences. His arms felt hot again, though now
it was a much more generalised sort of hotness, which for some reason felt
better.
Jake made an odd half snorting sort of thing. His eyes were brimming with
curiosity. “Would I be correct to say that?”
“Yes.”
This time Jake actually did snort, which really wasn't a nice thing to
encounter so close like that. Probably. Usually. “Well...I suppose I would not
be opposed to trying that out again!”
Dirk nodded, mental processes slowly, thankfully, frighteningly returning. “I
guess so.”
“Is that a yes?”
Dirk rolled his eyes. “The fuck do you think.”
Jake smiled, a little small, a little mischievous. Dirk's entire internal organ
system felt like it was in a blender. This was not a good thing.
And then they were kissing again and his mind went blank and he thought, then
again, he had been wrong before.
*
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 21:09
TG: sooooooo hows it goin??
TT: He just made me sit through fifteen hours of movies.
TT: Kill me now.
TG: Omg lol
TG: you actaully wernet expecting that??
TT: I had expected some, yes.
TT: I admit that fifteen hours is somewhat outside of my predictions. A
statistical outlier.
TG: hahahaha u were just soooo excitde to see him u didn't even think of that
right??
TG: lol so cute
TT: Admittedly, I was asleep for some of the time period.
TG: on his shoulder???
TT: No.
TG: omg come on dirk its just the 2 of u there
TG: all alone
TG: on some denserntd ilsand
TG: soooooo romantic *won*
TG: *wonk
TT: You're imagining things.
TG: ughhhhhh
TG: well its not like i can actually be there mself can i!!
TG: leave me my fantasies sheesh
TT: When said fantasies involve me, I think I'm well within my rights to ask
you to refrain.
TG: too late
TG: already thought o it
TT: I'd have preferred it if you could come, too.
TG: well duh
TG: jfc I srsly cant believe it
TG: i'm all like 'omfg whee happy cool times w/ bffsiez 4everz FINALLY'
TG: and mom is all like 'OMG NO WE HAF BOOK TOUR GRGR GR'
TG: and like she knowsits not cause I dont care or w/e I just rly wanna see my
friends!
TG: but nooooooooo
TG: bluh blu huge witch
TT: I'm sure this is just some very misguided attempt at daughterly affection.
TG: i knooooow
TG: guess i cant rly blame her
TG: well i CAN but istill get it
TT: I guess our best option at this point is that 'immersive reality' game Jane
is so excited about.
TG: guess so
TG: but
TG: idk
TT: What?
TG: just knda have a bad feeling about it
TG: nt sure why
TT: What do you mean?
TG: idk!
TG: just it seems kinda...........spicious?
TG: *suspicious
TT: How on earth could a game be suspicious?
TT: It's a game. You buy it. You play it. That's it.
TT: I understand if you think it'll be crap, but this just doesn't make sense.
TG: I know I know iknow never mind!
TT: You're starting to sound like Jake.
TT: Is this game part of some big conspiracy undertaken by an evil fuckin'
emperor attempting to take over the world?
TG: omg nvr mind
TG: im not THAT bad
TT: Then I don't get it.
TT: Besides, it'll be worth it to meet up all together, right?
TG: yeah
TG: yah it rly will
TT: And I feel the same.
TT: As do Jane and Jake.
TG: ya
TG: omg
TG: wen did this conversatn get all sappy
TG: speaking of sappiness
TG: lets get bak to Jake mmkay!
TT: What about him?
TG: well obvs i wanna know!!
TT: Know what?
TG: um
TG: like
TG: everything??
TG: is he hotter in prson
TG: if thats even possible lol
TT: You know what he looks like.
TG: yeah but
TG: only his face
TG: wonk wink wonk wonk wonk
TT: I'm going to talk to Jane now.
TG: u r such a panty popper!!
TG: *omgf hahahaha
TG: *party pooper
TG: *no wait
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
***** Day Two *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this is late! I estimated it would be up Saturday because
     that's usually my day off. Well, it wasn't this week, and I didn't
     have any proper free time until yesterday afternoon. The next chapter
     should hopefully be up Sunday!
“Rise and shine!”
Dirk didn't dignify such an inane comment with a response. In fact, he didn't
even move at all. Yes, he was still asleep. Take that, English.
“I said, rise and shine!”
Dirk stayed stubbornly still, concentrating intently on his breathing so that
it didn't waver.
He felt breath against his ear. “I SAID-”
“All right, all right,” he grumbled, letting his brow knit in frustration. He
was going to get up. Just in a few seconds. Just a few seconds, and then-
“You know, normally people get out of bed when they wake up.”
“Normally people don't fucking wake up at five in the morning.” It was probably
five in the morning.
“It's eight, which is positively late,” Jake said, tapping his foot against the
floor. “I've been awake for a few hours already!”
It was slightly weird to think that Jake had been up and moving around while
Dirk just lay there for so long. Had he snored? Wait, hadn't this happened
yesterday as well?
“Dirk,” Jake said warningly, and Dirk groaned.
“Look, just...” He rubbed his face, pushing himself up into a sitting position.
Slowly his eyes flickered open, caked with sleep and hazy. Jake was already
dressed, a bag beside him.
It took a few moments for that to sink in. And fuck him if that wasn't
something he'd been feeling a lot of lately.
“What's the bag?”
“That,” Jake declared, hefting it onto his shoulder, “is our equipment!”
Goddammit, he'd definitely be feeling a lot more of it if Jake insisted on
being so opaque. “What equipment?”
“For our movie! We'll be travelling around the island so I needed to pack us
some food! Plus, we have our props, our cameras-!”
Shit, what? “You remembered that?”
Jake chuckled. “Honestly, I'm a little surprised you remember. You were looking
pretty tired even then.”
“Then why did you just say 'equipment' and expect me to understand?”
Jake ignored him. “You'd better get up and get dressed – we have plenty to
film!”
“Fine.” He pushed his way out of bed, grabbing one of his bags and making his
way to the bathroom.
“Be quick!”
Dirk ignored him.
Forty five minutes later there was a loud knocking at the door. “Jesus, what
the friggin' hell are you doing in there?!”
“I had a shower,” Dirk said, running a hand through his hair and watching his
reflection.
“So?”
“And I got dressed.”
“And?”
“And I'm doing my hair.” He frowned. It wasn't sticking up right. He attempted
to tease it again, wondering whether more gel would help.
“And this is taking longer than five minutes because...?”
“Because it is.” And fuck, there was this stray bit of hair that just was not
co-operating. He glared at it. Normally he wouldn't bother too much,
but...well. This was Jake.
Jake groaned. “You are such a girl. Just finish already!”
Dirk bristled. “I'm a girl, am I? Am I supposed to take that as an insult?
Because, wow, being a girl is so fucking terrible, how offensive is it that you
compared me with a girl, jesus, Jake.”
“That's not what I meant!” Jake whined.
Ok, maybe he was being overly paranoid. He was pretty sure Jake was more
annoyed by all of this than actually appreciative. But his hair was sticking
out wrong and it was irritating the fuck out of him.
He narrowed his eyes at his reflection, leaning over the sink. His arms wobbled
a little. He'd gotten used to it yesterday, maybe, a bit, but by the time he
woke up this morning he'd forgotten that this was actually kind of difficult.
It was just that, well, this whole thing felt rather like he was being tested
or something, and he needed to be constantly vigilant, obsessively scrutinizing
everything he said or did or Jake said or did or what he could potentially say
or do. Because this was meant to be his thing, right? Understanding things;
figuring things out. When Jake confused him it felt kind of like his fault. And
Jake was definitely confusing him.
He just needed – a moment. To put his thoughts into order.
He wanted Jake to kiss him again. Everything was better when that happened. He
wondered whether he would.
Ok he was going to stop thinking about that right now.
He opened the door; Jake was leaning against the wall beside it.
Jake brightened. “Ready?”
Dirk nodded.
“All right!” Jake clapped his hands. “So first we're going to go out and shoot
some outdoor scenes, and then we can come back inside and do some indoor ones!”
“Wait.” Already Jake was striding off down the hall and Dirk hurried to keep up
with him. Now that he'd woken up, he suddenly realised that Jake's stupid
shorts were all bunched up weirdly with some kind of leather thigh holster
thing. On one hand, it make him look even more ridiculous than usual. On the
other hand, from behind, it actually kind of framed his ass in a distracting
way. Dirk tried to ignore it. “What scenes? Do you have a script?”
“I have a few ideas in mind, but I thought it would work better if we
improvised a lot of it!” Jake led them back down the stairs but then turned in
a different direction, taking them through rooms Dirk hadn't seen before. “Sort
of keep it open, just in case we come up with any good ideas later on, you
know?”
“...so what's the plot, then?”
Jake shrugged. “We save the world!”
“From what?”
“Not sure. I haven't decided yet!”
Dirk pursed his lips. Jake didn't seem to notice.
They continued walking, taking them through another room. This one was filled
with musical instruments of all sorts.
“You play anything?”
Jake chuckled. “Nope! Tried a few, but it's all a bit complicated! Not really
my sort of thing.” He stopped in front of a guitar, hesitantly plucking a few
strings. “You have to memorise all these hand things. It's actually pretty
boring!”
“Really? I'd've thought solving puzzles would be just your thing.”
“Yeah, but...that's sort of different, isn't it? Not exactly much of a thrill
in looking things up on the internet and struggling through 'Mary had a little
lamb'.”
“Not about thrills. It's about the challenge, and being able to stand up to
it.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “What ever. Besides, this sort of thing is more your
style, anyway.”
“Why?”
Jake shrugged. “You're more patient than me.”
“Is that your way of telling me I'm boring?”
“Of course not.” Jake frowned, picking up a flute. He put it to his lips and
blew into it, but achieved only an unpleasant, loud, strange tone. “Yeah, this,
too.”
“I hope you cleaned that.”
“What? Why?”
How was this man still alive. Seriously. How.
“Well, I prefer making music digitally anyway.”
“Too bad. Ah, not that that's not good! Just it would be kinda cool to watch
you play something.”
“I could play you some of the music I've made.” He hoped he didn't say that too
fast.
Jake thought. “That'd be awesome! Wouldn't quite be the same, though.” He
turned and kept walking. “Anyway, let's not get distracted.”
They walked through the rooms, past another room filled with various animal
statues, then one with a bunch of jars filled with – wait.
Dirk stopped. “Huh, that's weird.” He picked one up. Yep, it was a dead frog.
And the one next to it was a dead mouse.
“Yeah, this room always freaked me out a little...” Jake shivered.
“No, I mean my bro collects stuff like this as well.”
“What?!” Jake stared around him incredulously. “Why on earth would you?”
“You collect fucking skulls, I don't see what's so much stranger.”
“That's different! They're just old bones. These are actually...animals. Some
of them look really gross, too.” He frowned. “Besides, you're even worse. What
about all that weird porn you make?”
“That's different. There's sexy-creepy and gross-creepy. Obviously, there's
some overlap, but sexy-creepy stems from a very different place. Really, it all
just goes down this prudish idea that if it combines a thing we do find sexy
with something we don't, it's terrible and hurting us. Stupid, but fun to play
around with in idiots. And anyway, there's a difference between, y'know,
digital images and actual real life things.”
“...you seriously do just make this shit up half the time, don't you?”
“What? No, never.”
“So that's another irony thing then? It's starting to sound like irony can
justify anything.”
Dirk sighed. “It's a bit more complicated than that.”
“Whatever.” Jake pursed his lips, still refusing to go near any of the jars.
Dirk shook his head. “Honestly, I always just figured my bro was trying to
creep me out. Had no idea it was a thing people actually did. I mean, I'd be
willing to chalk it up to irony, but I kinda doubt your grandma was well-versed
there.”
“Maybe it's this really big secret hobby thing? Like some shadow organization
of people hoarding dead animals or whatever.”
“An organization revolving around dead animal collectors?” Dirk said, raising
an eyebrow. “How would that work, then? They control the world's supply of dead
animals, monopolizing the dead animal market?”
“I don't know. It definitely sounds shady, though,” Jake said with a firm nod.
“It's probably just a coincidence.” But then he spotted another jar with what
looked like a small cat in it, and that triggered something. “Actually... now
that I think about it...”
“What?”
Dirk narrowed his eyes. “Roxy has does it, too.”
Jake stared at him. Dirk stared at the cat.
There were times – not many, just every now and then, but times nonetheless –
when he really wondered about his friends.
He shook his head, tearing his eyes away. “Let's go.”
“Yeah, I really don't wanna spend any more time here, either.”
Eventually they found the door and exited, traipsing down the winding path to
the jungle. The view was actually quite nice up here, even if it was pretty
irritating having to walk up and down every time they left the house.
“Are you sure this will be safe? You seemed a little worried yesterday.”
Jake shrugged. “It should be fine as long as we stick to the right areas. And
I'm pretty sure we can take care of ourselves.”
Dirk couldn't help himself. “You mean I can take care of us.”
“What?”
“You were worried until you saw how fast I can move. Then you realised I could
handle it all fine.”
Jake puffed his cheeks irritable. “No I did not. I knew perfectly well that I
would be fine, I was just concerned that you wouldn't be able to!”
“Sure, English, sure.” Still, it was kind of a nice thing to think that Jake
trusted him. And whatever he claimed, Dirk knew he was right – Jake couldn't
handle himself right now. Not yet.
“Anyway,” Jake said insistently, “I thought we could take some establishing
shots first.”
“Ok. Where?”
“The view is quite splendid over there!” Jake declared, gesturing towards a
nearby hill.
It was indeed quite a nice view from the top – you could see the surrounding
hills and the near beach quite well. Jake hummed thoughtfully.
“What?”
“Just wondering which camera to use. I did find a good professional one that
seems to work, but I have to admit I've gotten quite attached to the idea of
using a cameraphone!”
“Why? Wouldn't that just look really shitty?”
“Yes, but it could be a sort of statement! A rejection of modern technology and
obsession with wealth – getting right to the nitty grity necessities, you
know?”
“...Jake.” Dirk was heavily resisting the urge to facepalm. “You want to send a
message about wealth inequalities and classism.”
“I guess so!”
“You live in a mansion.” Dirk narrowed his eyes. “An actual honest-to-god
mansion. One so big and so full of stuff that you just looked around and
happened to find a professional camera. You are so rich you have all kinds of
technology that shouldn't even exist yet, like that freaky projector we were
using, oh, just yesterday? Jake, you live on a goddamn island.”
Jake frowned. “Well, all the more reason to-”
“Your best friend is the brother of a famous movie star with more money than he
could ever need. One who flew his own private jet to your island. Your other
friend is the daughter of a famous author more successful than J.K. Goddamn
Rowling, and lives in a mansion of her own.”
“Well-”
“Your other friend is the heir to a company that spans the entire globe and is,
if possible, richer than the rest of us. Possibly combined.”
“All the more reason to put myself in the shoes of someone else for a while!”
“By using a cameraphone?!”
“It's a step in the right direction!”
Dirk glared. Jake wilted.
“...if you wanna use it, go ahead,” he said finally. “But...just forget all
that other stuff, please?”
Jake smiled, taking out the phone. “All right!”
As he was shooting, a group of animals began to approach. Dirk watched them
carefully behind his shades, looking them over.
“Something's coming.”
“What is it?” Jake stopped filming, looking over, suddenly serious. As he
peered over, however, he relaxed. “Oh, that's just the tinkerbulls!”
“The – what?”
“The tinkerbulls! You know, like in Peter Pan?”
Dirk stared at him. “...fairies are coming?”
“No! Well, they're sort of like – fairy bulls? They really are lovely, I hoped
they'd come by so you could see them!”
“...the fuck.”
“I told you the animals here were weird!”
The group was coming closer and Dirk was forced to admit that they did indeed
look like fairy bulls. Weird, strangely-shaped tiny bulls with big noses and
butterfly wings. They fluttered over pleasantly, speeding up a little as they
approached Jake.
“Haha, nice to see you again, old chaps! Whoa-” A bull butted Jake's stomach
and then a bunch were surrounding him, flying around him. Jake laughed. “Haha,
yes, yes, it's nice to see you, too!”
A tinkerbull approached Dirk and he uneasily stepped away. Jake was clearly
unworried, though, even when the bulls butted at him enough to send him
sprawling over onto the grass.
“T-take it easy, you lot!” he complained, petting the head of one nearby.
Dirk pursed his lips. “Hm.”
“Aren't they wonderful? Ah-” He snorted. “St-stop, that tickles!”
“Hm.” Dirk nodded, a thoughtful hand to his chin. “I'm afraid there's only one
way to describe this.”
“What?” Jake asked, struggling to hold himself into an upright sitting
position.
“Yes, there is definitely only one word that describes this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Cute.”
Jake paused. Then he laughed. “'Cute', is it? Well, I daresay I deserve that!”
“...huh?”
Jake continued to chuckle. “That certainly came to bite me in the arse, didn't
it? But if that is truly the only way to describe it, I will be the first to
admit it.”
Dirk frowned. “...uh, ok.”
Jake smirked. “Was I supposed to take that as an insult?”
“What the fuck ever, don't we have a movie to make?”
Jake continued to chuckle to himself as he disentangled from the 'tinkerbulls',
picking up the phone and waving them away as they travelled down the hill and
into the valley.
“Oh, wait! Perhaps I should-” quickly he fumbled to turn the phone on, filming
the leaving crowd of bulls. “There!”
“So what are they gonna do in the movie?”
“No idea! Just thought we might as well get it, just in case!”
“I don't know why I expected anything else.”
“Now you're getting it!” Jake clapped him on the shoulder cheerfully.
They strolled down the hill and onwards, towards another place Jake insisted
would give great establishing shots.
“Actually, now that I think about it, where's the brobot? I didn't see it in
the case.”
Jake's expression went briefly dark. “Not sure. Probably out there somewhere.”
“Shouldn't it be able to detect where you are?”
“Usually.”
Dirk pursed his lips but said no more.
“I thought you released it in the first place?”
“No, that must have been the autoresponder. He really likes screwing with it
for some reason.”
Jake gave him a weird look. “What do you mean?”
“...about what?”
“How can a computer program 'like' something? Is that even possible?”
Dirk shrugged. “That's a complicated question. But although I wouldn't go so
far as to claim that he's a being of the same complexity as a human, I believe
it does him a disservice to consider him merely a computer program. Yes, his
'thoughts' are driven by electrical signals and impulses, but the same is true
of humans as well, when you get right down to it. At any rate, he's clearly
shown a capability of acting in ways I had not precedented, and his behaviour
is similar enough to a human's in some matters that I think some of these
catalysts could be considered under the broad category of 'wants'.”
Jake stared at him. “But...it's a computer.”
“Human brains are just extremely complicated computers, aren't they?”
“But that's so depressing!”
“Is it?” Dirk looked back, taking in the house they were leaving behind. It was
just so huge actually rather striking surrounded by so much nature.
“Yes.”
“Or you could think about it this way: the fact that humans can achieve so
much, can create such a range of things, can gain so much knowledge, despite
coming from such humble roots is a testament to our willpower and ability to
remake ourselves for the better.” Maybe that was in part what attracted him
about robots – it was all about being better, about making them smarter, more
agile, more efficient, or even more human. It was a good feeling to work on a
project like that.
Jake paused, then shook his head. “No, I still don't really like it. There's
got to be more to us than just matter!”
Dirk shrugged. “Suit yourself. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way,
anyway.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” Jake looked at him strangely again, but seemed to accept the answer,
continuing onwards without another word on the subject.
After some time, Jake finally decided that they had enough shots of the island.
From then, he began to shoot some scenes of himself or, occasionally, Dirk,
though if there was a rhyme or reason to any of it Dirk couldn't figure it out.
“Ok, you're up now!”
“All right...” Dirk stood in front of the camera, shrugged. “So, what?”
Jake peered into the screen, tongue between his teeth. “Yeah, just do
something...cool.”
“'Cool'.”
“You know! Cool.”
“I'm always cool.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Yes whatever, prove it!”
“Uh...” Dirk took out his sword. “Something with this?”
“Yes! Yes, that's great!”
Dirk stared. Slowly, he swung it.
Jake was silent. Then, he nodded. “Actually, this scene might work better with
both of us.”
“How?”
Jake pocketed the phone, taking the full camera out of his bag instead. He
looked around him, spying a pile of rocks about hip-height some way away.
Carefully, he placed the camera on top, balancing it on the pile. Dirk narrowed
his eyes, but Jake seemed satisfied enough, turning around and taking out his
guns.
“All right! This'll be a fight scene, then!”
“I thought we were working together?”
“Yeah, but maybe the villains are forcing us to fight for some reason. Oh!
Maybe one of us gets mind-controlled, and we have to fight until I can get
through to you and snap you out of it! Fuck yeah, I love it when stuff like
that happens!”
Dirk readied himself, getting into position.
“And no flashstepping.”
Dirk smiled. “Yeah, that would make it pretty unfair, wouldn't it?”
“No. It's just that it won't show up on the video.”
Dirk planted his feet, stretching his shoulders. “So, any time?”
Jake grinned, mimicking Dirk's stance. “When you're ready.”
They sized each other up, waiting for exactly the right moment to strike.
Then the camera fell down with a loud crack.
“Ack!” Jake rushed over, gingerly picking it up. It had smashed against another
rock and wasn't looking good. Jake tested it out, looking through the eyepiece
and checking it over.
“...screen's cracked.” Jake frowned, then shrugged. “Oh well. Glad I brought my
cameraphone, then! Guess we'll just have to shoot the rest of the movie with
it!” He shoved the camera back into his bag. “Probably a good idea anyway – we
should know as little as possible about how the other fights until we get
around to our duel!”
“Oh, yeah.” Dirk nodded seriously. “Should be a clean slate.”
“Exactly!”
They travelled around for a few more hours, filming now and then. It was
surprisingly comfortable, overall: Jake clearly knew the island very well, and
apart from a couple of times they spied something and had to sneak past it,
they didn't really encounter any of the other dangerous animals. It was much
more humid than Dirk would prefer, and the heat only got worse and worse as the
day went on, but neither really felt all that important. It was just the two of
them talking and wandering around, and that was nice enough.
“All right, I think it's time for lunch about now!”
“Sure.” They sat down on the grass, Jake leaning back against a rock wall.
Jake let out an odd sort of snorting noise.
“What?”
“Uh...” Jake was looking at him, clearly trying not to laugh. Immediately Dirk
went on the defensive, trying to figure out what was wrong. “Did you put on any
sunblock this morning?”
“...no.” Dirk looked down at his arm and fuck, when had it gotten so red?!
Shit. Now that he saw it, his skin did feel rather hot...
He looked up and glared. Jake shrugged helplessly. “What? It's not my fault!”
“You didn't put any on.”
“Because I live here. And my skin actually has some colour to it.”
Dirk glared. “Well, did you bring any?”
Jake thought. “Actually, yes!” he said, digging through the bag.
“Seriously? Did you just shove whatever in there?”
“Pretty much! It's not like I didn't have enough time while you were sleeping.”
He found it and threw it in Dirk's direction. Dirk caught it, irritably opening
it up. “You'll thank me later.”
“I doubt that.”
“Well, you'll be grateful, anyway.”
I know, Dirk thought, but stubbornly didn't say anything. As quickly as he
could he rubbed the sunscreen onto his exposed skin, wincing at the pressure
against the burns that were already forming.
As he worked, Jake took out their lunch, which turned out to be a couple of
apples, some grapes, and some pumpkin. Not the sort of thing Dirk would
normally eat by any means – neither he nor his bro had ever exactly been too
keen on healthy eating – but it didn't look too bad.
“You should probably reapply that in an hour or two.”
Dirk glared. “Seriously?”
Jake shrugged again. “Look, it's not my fault you're so pale!”
Dirk pursed his lips, finishing off and wiping his hands and taking a bit out
of an apple.
“Want some pumpkin?”
“No.”
“Grapes?”
“I'm fine,” he said moodily.
Jake frowned. “You really don't eat very much, do you? Heh, I don't think I
could do that! Guess that's why you're so skinny, then.”
Dirk grit his teeth. “Yes, thank you, grandma.”
“Just asking,” Jake said, looking rather bemused. Dirk ignored him, looking out
into the jungle and eating his apple in silence.
The hours passed and they continued to travel around. At first things were a
little quiet, but Jake was Jake and it turned out to be a lot harder to ignore
his cheerfulness when he was right there than it was over the computer. Soon
enough, everything was normal again, and by the time Dirk remembered his
annoyance it seemed stupid to hold onto it.
Finally, Jake decided that they had shot enough outside.
“Now we just need to get some shots inside!”
“What kind of shots?”
Jake rubbed his chin. “Still not really sure!”
“Shouldn't you have an idea of the plot by now?”
“Eh, we'll figure it out during editing.”
“Remind me never to work with you on anything creative ever again.”
“Why not? Didn't we have fun today?” Dirk looked at him; Jake actually seemed
hurt.
“Of course we did.” He shook his head. “Never mind.”
They searched through the house for some good rooms. Exactly what criteria Jake
was using to define 'good' was beyond Dirk, but by this stage he was beginning
to wearily accept that it was stupid to be concerned about it when Jake clearly
didn't know what he was doing any more than Dirk did.
“I have to admit, even I haven't been down here before!” Jake flicked on the
lights, revealing a bunch of fully-stocked bookshelves.
“'Complacency of the Learned',” Dirk read.
“Yeah, she loved them, read them to me all the time when I was a kid. I was
really surprised when I heard Roxy was actually Rose Lalonde's daughter!”
“Huh.” Actually, that was pretty much true for Dirk and his bro, too – he'd
loved them. Yet another coincidence connecting them. Maybe there were more? It
was almost like they were always supposed to be friends or something.
Dirk shook his head, moving onto the next room. Ok, that hadn't been
ridiculously sappy or anything.
“Oh! I know this place. Huh, never realised it connected through there before.”
Jake looked around; there were all kinds of bones and skulls throughout it.
“Maybe the house is magical or something?”
Dirk snorted. “Seriously though, what is with the skulls? Where do you even get
them?”
“Find them over the island.”
“Some of these are human skulls.” What the fuck, why had Jake been so disturbed
by the dead animals when he had these around?!
“Yeah, pretty wild, right? I always wondered where they came from! Like, did
there used to be some tribe living here or something?” Jake picked up one of
the skulls eagerly, looking it over. “It'd explain the temple, anyway.”
“That's interesting. I wonder if you could get them tested or something, figure
out when the person died.”
Jake shrugged. “I guess. Seems like that would ruin the mystery, though.”
“My god.”
“What?”
“Promise me you won't ever say anything like that in front of Roxy. Because you
are totally ruining science right here.”
“That doesn't even make sense.”
“What do you even do with them, though? Just...have them around?” He peered at
one, tilting his head to one side.
“Mostly. Oh! Plus, I can do this!” Jake posed theatrically, holding the skull
aloft with one hand. “To be or not to be, that is the question!”
“That's not the soliloquy he says when he holds the skull. That's 'Alas, poor
Yorick'.”
“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well!”
“Ok you can just stop talking now.”
Jake shrugged, putting the skull back. “Not like I knew any of the other words
anyway.”
They shot a few more scenes; Dirk had long since stopped wondering how the hell
any of this was supposed to tie together. The indoor shots seemed to mostly be
Jake standing around looking worried and making vague but ominous statements
about some unspecified evil. Every now and then Dirk was part as well, though
he didn't seemed to do much more than nod and agree with Jake. Not that he
really cared. They even managed of them both together by resting the phone on
the table they were sitting at.
Finally, they were done.
“Well, I guess that about wraps it up for today!” Jake announced, pressing a
button on the phone triumphantly.
“Awesome.” Dirk looked over. “Actually, could we play it back? Just to make
sure it all looks right.”
“Sure!” Jake pressed a few more buttons, then held the phone away from him.
Dirk went to take it, but then stopped. A 3-D hologram emitted from the phone,
displaying in almost perfect detail the hills around Jake's house.
Dirk stared.
“If this is the phone...” he said carefully, “what would the actual camera look
like...?”
“Hm? Oh, that one's much better. You see that grain? Bah, that's what you get
with a phone. Still, it adds a little something, don't you think?”
Dirk sighed. “Dinner?”
*
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 19:47
TT: Hey.
GG: Hello there!
GG: And how is it over on the island? :B
TT: Hot. And very humid.
TT: But not that bad, really.
TT: Jake's house is unbelievable. Even Roxy would be jealous.
GG: Hoo hoo!
GG: And how is our mutual friend?
TT: Very energetic. He's constantly running around here and there.
TT: He made us film a movie today.
GG: Oh, really? That sounds awfully fun!
GG: What was it about?
TT: No fucking clue.
TT: Literally the entire thing is either:
TT: a) shots of the island
TT: b) him standing around saying vague, threatening things
TT: c) him running places.
TT: That is actually the entire movie.
GG: Heh, that does sound like Jake!
GG: Still, it all sounds like a great deal of fun!
GG: Still sorry I wasn't able to come...
TT: Yeah. It's not like you had any choice, though.
GG: Well, I could probably have sneaked past the drones if I really tried!
TT: Really?
GG: …
GG: Ok maybe not.
GG: But I still feel like I should have tried harder.
TT: Are you sure?
TT: You don't feel scared or anything?
GG: Not really!
TT: I have to admit, that's a little worrying.
GG: Oh, stop all that bothering. It is totally unnecessary!
TT: You were nearly killed.
TT: Maybe it's just me, but that sounds kind of serious.
TT: I mean, I'm all for mad stunts, but there is a line.
GG: I know...
GG: Look. I guess I am a little freaked out by it.
GG: But at the end of the day, it sort of just made me realise how important it
is to get out there and do things!
GG: I can't just spend the rest of my life indoors, shut off from the rest of
the world!
GG: That was the whole point of getting a house out here instead of living with
the rest of my family!
GG: If I can't even leave the house to visit my friends, what's even the point
of being alive in the first place?
TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.
GG: Huh?
GG: What do you mean? Leader of what?
TT: Just in general.
TT: Don't tell Jake, he would be heartbroken.
GG: I don't see the point, given that I would be quite happy to hand over
leader status to him!
GG: I'm already preparing myself to lead the corp., I don't need to be lording
over my friends as well!
TT: That is also why you're our leader.
TT: True leaders don't want to be leaders.
GG: Hmm...
GG: Well, what if I refuse leadership?
TT: Only such an act would truly qualify a person for leadership.
TT: That is why competent leadership is permanently stuck in a self-
perpetuating paradox.
TT: Like Shroedinger's fucking ruler or something.
GG: Hoo hoo! I can't say I quite understand.
GG: But I appreciate the vote of confidence nonetheless! :B
GG: So what else have you boys been up to? Any mischief?
TT: Not really.
TT: Isn't that more your style?
GG: Too right!
GG: If I were there you would better be careful!
TT: I assure you that whenever it is that we manage to meet up I will sleep
with one eye open.
GG: Hoo hoo!
TT: Literally.
GG: …
GG: Really?
TT: Yes.
GG: ...I rather suspect you are pulling my leg here!
TT: A Strider never boasts.
GG: Hmm. Well, we shall see about that!
TT: How are things back there, then?
GG: Oh, terribly boring!
GG: At least Ro-Lal is cooped up just the same as me so we can moan about it
together!
TT: Yeah, she was complaining to me about it yesterday.
GG: It's such bad timing, though.
GG: I still can't quite believe it!
TT: Jake thinks they're connected.
TT: Like there's some sort of conspiracy.
GG: Jake always thinks there is a conspiracy.
GG: Or an evil organization.
TT: Thank you for saying that.
TT: Did you know that just today he was claiming there was some kind of dead
animal conspiracy just because it turned out my bro and his grandma both
collected them?
GG: Hoo hoo, what a doofus!
GG: But what on earth are you talking about? Who collects dead animals?
TT: Ugh, just try not to think about it.
TT: He only does it to make me admit it creeps me out.
TT: No idea about Jake's grandma, though.
TT: But she does sound pretty weird.
GG: Hoo hoo!
GG: Now I'm wondering whether I've ever seen any pictures of the house.
GG: Is it really that amazing? I always thought he was exaggerating.
TT: So did I.
TT: But no. In fact, he was actually understating it.
GG: Oh my!
GG: Now I am definitely disappointed I couldn't go!
GG: Not that it wasn't bad enough I couldn't meet up with you two!
TT: I know.
GG: Oh well.
GG: How many movies has he made you watch?
TT: I don't want to talk about it.
GG: :B
GG: I actually wouldn't mind, I don't think!
GG: I mean, it would get boring after a while! But at least just being all
together would be better than being apart like this, you know?
TT: Yeah.
TT: It's actually not that bad, really.
TT: He challenged me to a duel over who would make the better Sherlock Holmes.
GG: What?
GG: How on earth did that come up?
TT: No fucking idea.
GG: Well, I wouldn't be too enthused about that. Holmes is good, but honestly
he's a bit overrated, I think!
GG: There are so many detectives out there and he's the only one anyone ever
seems to remember!
GG: Poirot is much superior, in my opinion.
TT: Don't ask me, I had nothing to do with it.
TT: I have no opinion either way.
GG: Oh, Poirot is much better! He's so much classier than Holmes ever was –
though I suppose that goes without saying, given that he's French and all, hoo
hoo!
TT: I though Poirot was Belgian?
GG: What?
GG: Where did you hear that?
TT: TVTropes.
GG: …
GG: Well, it doesn't matter.
TT: Please tell me you aren't planning to show me the entire Poirot reel when
we finally meet up.
GG: Hoo hoo, that would be fun!
GG: But no, I do have a heart. I wouldn't do that to you.
TT: Thank you.
GG: Have you been reading Problem Sleuth?
TT: Haven't gotten around to it yet.
GG: You should!
GG: It's really really good, I'm sure you'll love it!
TT: When I get back home I'll start.
GG: Oh yes, of course! You shouldn't be wasting your time with Jake just
sitting around at a computer!
TT: …
GG: Unless it's to talk to us, I mean!
TT: Oh, looks like dinner's ready.
GG: Ooh! What are you having?
TT: Some kind of meat, I think.
TT: And pumpkin. Huh, again? Weird.
GG: …
TT: Look, not all of us are the heir to baking corporations, you know.
GG: I didn't say anything!
GG: Well, see you later, then, Dirk!
TT: See you.
TimaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
*
During dinner (apparently it was something Jake had killed; Dirk suggested the
tinkerbulls and Jake had pulled a truly pathetic face) something caught Dirk's
eye.
“Those posts on the bed,” he said, and Jake looked up. “They lights?”
Jake frowned. “I'm really not sure! I think they're probably meant to do
something, but I've never been able to figure it out...”
“Really?” Dirk looked them over. Couldn't be anything too complicated. “I could
have a look.”
Jake took a few seconds to respond, taking unnecessarily long to chew a piece
of meat. “Sure, I guess.”
Dirk put down his plate, examining the posts up close. “I'm gonna have to open
this up. Got anything?”
“I could shoot it open.”
“...anything else?” he said dryly.
Jake huffed. “Well, could you do it with one of your swords?”
Dirk thought. “Actually, yeah, I probably could.”
He took a katana from his strife specibus, looking it up and down. Then,
quickly and carefully, his carved a split in the wood. After a moment, it fell
off.
He didn't turn. He could tell Jake was watching, anyway.
“There's definitely a machine in here.” He knelt down, examining it. “Hm.”
“What does it do?”
“There's a computer. I'll have to have a look inside...” Thankfully, though
unsurprisingly, it was turned off, whatever it was. “I'll need to take it out
to do that. I'll try to connect it back up when I'm done, but...”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. I don't care – not much point in keeping it whole if I have
no idea what it even does!”
With some effort, Dirk removed the computer, and took out his laptop to examine
the code; while his shades were pretty useful, it would be easier to read with
a bigger screen.
“What does it say?” Jake asked, crouching beside him and looking over his
shoulder.
Dirk's frown deepened, his brow furrowing. He scrolled through the code
quickly, eyes dashing from line to line.
“...hm.”
“Hm? Hm what? Good hm or bad hm?”
“Just 'hm'.”
Dirk read in silence. It only lasted a few seconds.
“Well, then?”
Dirk ground his teeth.
“What does it say?”
Dirk sighed. Reluctantly, he spoke. “I'm going to send this to Roxy.”
“What? Why? Is it something bad?”
“No, it's just...weird.”
“Weird how? Come on, I don't understand one word of this!”
Dirk pursed his lips. There were words he understood. Here or there.
“Just...completely different. I've never seen anything like this before.”
Jake nodded slowly. “So...”
“So...” He shook his head, opening pesterchum. “...I don't know what it does.”
There was a pause, and then Jake snorted. “Well, you could've just said so in
the first place!” Dirk ignored him, though out of the corner of his eye he
could see Jake rolling his eyes.
“Whatever. I'm sure she'll know what to do.” He sent the file, exiting.
“Guess so. Hey-” Jake stopped, looking at Dirk's laptop. “What is that?”
“Huh?”
“That wallpaper. It looks familiar.” Jake thought.
“Yeah, it's from My Little Pony.”
Jake nodded. “That's right! I've seen that around. Right, I forgot you watched
that.” He rolled his eyes again and Dirk felt himself being rankled a second
time in too short a period. “Is this just the horse thing again?”
“What? No. No, it's a sociological study. I mean, we've got thousands of grown
men watching a TV show made for little girls. All those people claiming pop
culture can't tell us anything about people are probably crying themselves to
sleep right now.”
“Oh. But if you don't like it, why the wallpaper?”
Dirk shrugged. “The show's not bad, actually. But yeah, it's really only this
character-” he tapped the image of the cloud and rainbow on the screen “-that
I'm really enjoying.”
“Oh?” Jake said doubtfully. “What about him? Her?”
“No, she's actually really cool – surprisingly badass. Rainbow Dash - she's a
pegasus who loves to fly, and can go so fast she actually causes a sonic boom
that forms a rainbow – a sonic rainboom. I mean, obviously it's not possible in
real life, but still.”
“Uh huh.”
Against his better judgment, Dirk felt his guard lowering. “She goes after what
she wants and she says what she means. So she can be kind of blunt and tactless
sometimes, but she'll do whatever it takes to protect her friends. She does
represent the element of loyalty, after all. She loves thrills and always wants
things to be exciting and fun, though she does get bored pretty easily.”
“Huh,” Jake said, and Dirk was quite pleased about how interested he suddenly
seemed. Right up until he said, “she sounds a lot like me, actually!”
Oh no he had said too much.
“What? No, no, she's nothing like you.” Dirk huffed, closing the computer.
“No, really! Loyal and loves things to be exciting and thrilling – that's
exactly like me! And, well, I guess I can be kind of tactless sometimes-”
“No you can't. Look, this is stupid. You're completely different.”
Jake smiled. “Does she enjoy fighting as well? Or, oh, is she interested in
plundering tombs and liberating treasure and exploring strange new worlds,
too?”
“No. She doesn't. Shut up.” Dirk hefted the laptop up, irritably shoving it
back into his bag, back turned to Jake. “This is stupid.”
His eye twitched, and he made a resolution then and there to never, ever let
Jake watch the episode Read It And Weep.
Whatever. He needed a new wallpaper, anyway.
*
After all of that, Dirk silently returned to the couch, browsing on his shades.
He had a lot to keep up with, after all. Jake sat at the other edge, doing
something on his own laptop. Dirk would feel bad about just going on the
internet while he and Jake had so little time together, but truth be told he
had never exactly been the most sociable person in the first place, and as much
as he enjoyed being with Jake, it was quite tiring, for obvious reasons.
Especially lately. The fact that Jake had recognised this and actually given
him the opportunity to unwind a bit was surprisingly perceptive of him and Dirk
was grateful.
Besides, it wasn't like they were entirely separate – maybe it was due to years
of living alone, but Jake apparently had no concept of quietness even when
doing something on his own, his fingers clattering loudly over the keys and
occasional bursts of chuckles or snorts of frustration. Every once in a while,
he even told Dirk about something funny he'd read or that Roxy or Jane had
said, which probably would have been really annoying with anyone else, but just
felt quite nice here.
“Heh, seems that cat has been sending Jane all over the place again.”
“Really? She'd be pleased with that.”
“No, no – apparently he's teleported her three times in the last four days, all
to other places in the house.”
“Ouch.”
Jake chuckled.
But despite all this, as the evening wore on, deep down, nerves were setting
back in. He hated to admit that even to himself, but it wasn't as though this
were an unreasonable response, in his opinion. They'd kissed last night and
Jake had indicated that he wanted to do it again but all today neither of them
had mentioned it at all. Maybe Jake had just been being polite when he said
that? No – he had genuinely seemed to enjoy it. Maybe he was having second
thoughts?
He was tempted to to bring it up to Jake specifically. But there were reasons
against that. He didn't want to seem to eager and blow his cover. He didn't
want things to be awkward. (That was to say, he didn't want Jake to be awkward
or realise Dirk was being awkward.) And he wanted to know that Jake actually
did want to kiss him. He knew that was a bit of a silly thing to think, given
that Jake had already asked to kiss him and initiated everything yesterday and
had clearly enjoy it, but he had to be sure. He had to know. He already knew
how much he cared about Jake – anything he could glean from his behaviour about
what Jake thought was useful.
He frowned. Not that this was the same, obviously. Knowing that Jake wanted to
kiss him, even to the extent that he was willing to suggest it without knowing
how Dirk would respond, was not the same as knowing that Jake cared about him.
He knew that.
But it was more than he'd ever expected. And if he was pathetic for being happy
with just this much, well, he didn't really give a shit. He had honestly
believed there was no possibility of anything ever happening between them –
that hadn't changed, and now not only did he get to make out with him, he could
also wonder now and then about that shining, faint ray of light that
represented the possibility that this might actually work? He'd be an idiot to
not enjoy it while it lasted.
Apart from the obvious reasons not to, anyway. He had to tell him. He knew
that. Jake had to know every relevant detail in order to be considered to have
made an informed decision. It was one thing to experiment with your friend and
another to make out with him knowing that he's kind of got a thing for you. If
nothing else, he was lying to him.
He had to admit, this wasn't how he thought it would happen.
He clenched his fists, unthinkingly scanning his feeds. Well, it wasn't like he
wasn't going to do it eventually, anyway. But...then, on the other hand, why
today, on only their second day together? They still had five more days
together, not even including tonight. How awkward would it be? Why ruin it?
Fuck, he was making excuses. Probably. Goddammit, he was so fucking biased here
it was actually kind of scary.
He saw something out the corner of his eye – for some reason, Jake was changing
computers. (Maybe to play a game or something? He had never gotten Jake's
obsession with always having at least five computers at one time. It sounded
very impractical.) Or, at least, he could only assume that thing was meant to
be a computer.
“...the fuck is that.”
“Hm?” Jake turned; the helmet covered his eyes and made it difficult to tell
what expression he was making.
“That...green skull thing.”
“Oh, this? This is one of my computers!”
“But...” He searched for a way to phrase the question. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you use a computer shaped like a neon green skull with goggles glued
to it?” he said slowly.
“Because it looks cool!” Jake said rather firmly, a hand coming to the side. “I
also have a bunch of other stuff to match as well – a coat and boots and lots
of other stuff!”
“Is this some kind of costume? What character wears this?”
“It's distinctive! If I were a hero, people would recognise me instantly in it
and want to dress up like this themselves!”
“They'd see it and run screaming.”
“Then that's the point. It's intimidating.”
Dirk shook his head. Somehow, he was actually sort of smiling. “You are really
stubborn when you want to be, aren't you.”
Jake was silent for a few moments, then suddenly said, “Oh, you can't see right
now, but I am glaring at you right now. Very forthrightly.”
“Uh, okay?”
“Because it's a bit rich for you to be calling someone stubborn.”
“I get it.” Dirk rolled his eyes, shifting away and refocusing on the screen in
front of him.
Dirk shuffled in his seat. His fingers tapped against his leg. He chewed the
inside of his cheek unconsciously.
...
“We should make out again.”
“Yes,” Dirk said, turning around instantly. Jake laughed and Dirk pursed his
lips; he actually hadn't meant to respond that quickly. Immediately he
straightened, replacing his stoic expression.
Jake took the helmet off; it caught on his hair making it stick up even more
weirdly than usual. He shook his head, his hair flopping around. Then there was
that grin again, that same challenging grin Jake wore so often.
Now that he knew the score, everything was easy. Dirk moved forward to sit in
front of Jake, bringing his legs into a position that would be both comfortable
and allow him to sit directly in front of him. Jake copied him, eyes flickering
back and forth.
Dirk looked him in the eyes. Jake stared back at him, holding his gaze.
Their lips met and again, at first it was a little uncomfortable. But Dirk had
done this before and he knew what to do now and so within seconds he had
rekindled it, that spark that had served them so well last time. Their lips
moulded together, alternating pressure. Jake pressed forward eagerly, a hand to
Dirk's side pulling him forwards. Was this what Jake liked? Of course it was –
he had never really doubted it. Dirk put his hand to the side of Jake's face,
tangling in his hand and holding his head. Jake let out a happy noise and Dirk
shivered.
Their tongues met messily – Jake was a little wet, but Dirk didn't mind. Just
being here like this was incredible enough. He raked his hand through Jake's
hair again and was rewarded with another moan. So he liked this as well.
But soon, even these thoughts faded from Dirk's mind. It was wonderful, a
blissful ignorance. He kissed Jake and it felt good and that was it. It was an
experience that Dirk couldn't quite place, even when he thought about it later
– all his life he had always been able to remember thinking, thinking
constantly. It was like, just for a short time, he became a whole other person,
and not in one of those bullshit ways involving AIs or dreamselves. It was
weird. But compared to obsessing about everything Jake was doing and he was
doing and anything else he could think of, it was fucking great.
Jake's hands held onto both sides of Dirk's torso, slowly sliding downwards.
Dirk grunted, sucking at Jake's tongue. He squirmed slightly, sliding forward
just a little in his seat. For a moment Jake almost pulled him forward for
real, clutching suddenly at him.
This time, Dirk broke away. Everything felt bright; last time it had been
different, hadn't it?
God but he was beautiful. His cheeks were dark, hair falling into his deep
eyes. He was breathing heavily.
“...was that not up to your standards?”
Jake's brow furrowed. “What?”
“Have I not met your exceeding standards for kissing skill? Do I not match up
to your understandably altitudinous expectations?”
“Huh? No, no, it was great, I don't-”
Dirk sighed. He took his hand from Jake's cheek and tapped the frame of his
glasses. “And yet these remain determinedly unfogged.”
Jake stared at him.
Then he snorted. Then outright laughed. “Jesus, Strider, don't do that...” He
closed his eyes, leaning his head against Dirk's shoulder. Dirk tensed
immediately, suddenly unsure of himself.
“...we should probably get ready for bed.”
“Yes,” Jake mumbled against his skin, then after a moment got up and left.
Dirk watched him, rolling his shoulders.
***** Day Three *****
Chapter Notes
     Again, thank you everyone for your support! <3
“I have an idea,” Jake said over breakfast, or, rather, some oranges and a few
pieces of pumpkin which Dirk determinedly ignored. (Seriously, was this all
meant to be some big joke? Was Jake just waiting to see how long it would take
him to crack and throw that fucking pumpkin out the fucking window?)
“Sure.”
Jake swallowed a piece of meat, messily wiping his face; Dirk narrowed his eyes
slightly. Jake gestured. “That window? Through it you can see the frog temple.
It's open at the top. I think if you got it right, you could do one of those
things where you shoot a thing then go down it.”
Dirk raised and eyebrow. Jake sighed. “You know what I mean. A thing!”
“You mean a zipline?” Jake nodded.
Dirk stood up, walking to the window. He looked it all over, making a few
calculations.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think we could do that.”
“Really? Awesome!” Jake wiped his hands hastily and stood up. “I have some
steel rope!”
“That's good,” Dirk murmured, questions and possibilities multiplying. He
always did love a project, and having something to focus his intellectual
attentions on was a good thing right now. “We'll need something strong for the
handle – just getting a pipe and holding it over won't work.”
“Oh?” Jake went to his side, squinting through the window. “I don't think we'd
have something like that. I could look, though.”
“No problem.” Dirk caught his eye. “I'm sure I could make one.”
Jake blinked and then his eyes glowed. “Of course! Boy, you're an ideas man,
Strider! I'm guessing you'll need materials...”
Dirk nodded. “Just looking a few things up right now.” He focused his eyes on
the screen of his shades and thought-clicked, scrolling through the
information. Hm, they were really breaking a few rules here. Oh well, there
should be no reason to worry as long as Dirk's handle and Jake's arms held out.
Still...
“Just out of curiosity, do you have anything that helps you fly?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah, I found some rocket boots somewhere, once! They're a bit hard to
work out, but fun once you get the hang of it! Do you think they'd be useful?”
“Maybe.” Yes, he could picture it in his mind – it wasn't anything complicated,
just a simple piece of mechanics, so he should be able to whip it out in half
an hour or so. “Where are these materials, then?”
Jake scratched his neck. “Not entirely sure! There are a few rooms I've found
with that sort of stuff, so I suppose I'll point you their way!”
“Do so.”
This time they only travelled down a couple of levels before exploring the
floor, so once again the coming rooms were entirely new to Dirk. By now the
novelty was beginning to wear slightly, so he didn't comment on any of the more
unusual collections. At least, not until Jake led them into some sort of busy
study.
“Hey, grandma.”
Dirk did an honest-to-god double-take. Then he looked at what Jake was looking
at and flinched so hard he took two steps backwards.
There was a body. A human body. Stuffed and mounted in front of the fire. (Why
was there a fire going? Wait what the fuck was he concentrating on here.) A
body with an obvious visual resemblance to Jake, with the same facial structure
and messy black hair and buck teeth.
Grandma.
“Why.”
Jake ignored him, or perhaps hadn't heard. “Yeah, this is my friend Dirk. I've
told you about him, remember!”
Dirk stared at him. What. The actual fuck. Was going on.
“I know, I know – I should have introduced him to you first! Sorry about that –
we've been really busy lately.”
Why was this happening to him
“Dirk? Do you want to say hello?”
Dirk glared at him, looking him straight in the eye. “What the fuck is this.”
Jake looked wounded. “This is my grandma! It's a family tradition to stuff
people after they die.”
“...so you do know she's dead,” Dirk said carefully.
“Of course I know that.” Jake puffed his cheeks irritably. “Haven't I said as
much numerous times before?”
“Oh. Good.” Dirk let out a breath. So he wasn't crazy, just a weirdo who had
stuffed his own grandma and liked talking to her as if she were still alive and
wow that wasn't much better, was it.
“Geeze.” Jake shook his head, then turned to the body again. “Sorry about that,
he's very rude, I know.”
“This is weird.”
“You sleep with a puppet.”
“That's different.”
“And talk to it.”
“I only said two things,” Dirk insisted, coloring a little. Now he was very
glad he had been uncharacteristically tight-lipped with Cal last night, as much
as it made him feel bad. He'd fill him in entirely when he got back, anyway.
“Face it, you're every bit as weird as I am and you know it.” Jake paused.
“Actually, now that I think about it, didn't we cover this the other day?”
Dirk ignored him. “The parts?”
“Oh, right.” Jake walked to the far door. “Actually, they're just through
there. I should find the rope then go check it a bit more.”
Dirk looked to the window. “It's raining.”
“Yeah, it does that a lot. Should clear up in ten minutes or so.”
“Hm.”
“Anyway, meet up later in my room? I'll go find you if you get lost!”
“I won't.” Jake clapped him on the shoulder and left.
“Bye, grandma!” The door shut.
Dirk glanced at the body through the corner of his eye. Were they really both
that weird? Wait, actually, now that he thought about it, hadn't Jane mentioned
doing something similar with her grandpa...?
Shit. He was having another one of his moments. Self-awareness, maybe? But
seriously, the four of them really were all weirdos, weren't they. He wasn't
sure what to feel about that.
He looked around. This room actually seemed comparatively normal – the
strangest thing was that every available surface was covered with various
papers and books. And – actually, something caught his eye. He walked over to a
desk, peering at the pieces of paper on top.
'Dear Jake,
Happy birthday! I'm sorry if this letter comes slightly belated, but I'
Dirk stopped reading, looking away. The blue-coloured perfect penmanship
unmistakeably belonged to Jane. She must have sent him a letter for his
birthday as well. He moved it, revealing a pink, typo-ridden one with a little
messy doodle of what appeared to be Jake in the corner, just as she had drawn
Dirk in his letter. He moved that, revealing a letter written in unfamiliar
green ink; a quick check of the signature confirmed this as belonging to the
Jade girl Jake sometimes mentioned. Huh, so she did actually exist. Not that
this meant he was believing his claims that she was his grandma, though. Again
he put the letter aside, and...
Yes. There was his letter. He picked it up, the burst of nostalgia unexpected.
This wasn't the first birthday letter he had sent Jake since he realised he had
a thing for him, but it was the hardest to write. At first they had just been
friends and so for his twelfth birthday Dirk had send him a present with only a
hastily-written in card. But then when his birthday arrived three days later,
Jake turned out to have sent him a full letter in which he went into detail
about how much he appreciated having Dirk as a friend. Of course, Dirk had been
obliged to respond likewise next time, and so had begun a sort of show of one-
upmanship, perhaps, as both competed to send the most moving, thoughtful
birthday letters. Well, on Dirk's part, anyway, as he reluctantly admitted Jake
probably had no idea about any competition. But what had begun simply enough
very quickly drifted on into dangerous territory, until Dirk was forced to
obsessively police the fine line between showing Jake how much he cared for him
as a friend and showing him how he cared for him just a little more than that.
His eyes drifted over the words. He had typed them up beforehand and rewritten
the whole thing several times, spent hours editing. Ultimately he'd taken so
long he hadn't even sent the letter until after Jake's birthday had already
passed, though he swore blind to this day that he'd sent it beforehand and that
the mail must have just been slow.
'So hey,
I guess I'm gonna have to wish you happy birthday. Jesus, how long have we been
friends now? Fucking long time, that's for sure. And I guess this is the point
where I start getting all sappy and waxing fucking poetic about what an amazing
cool dude you are. But in reality, that isn't really as hard to do as I make it
out to be most of the time. Because honestly, while you can be kind of naïve
and idealistic, you can also be really badass, and a great friend. And yeah,
sometimes your ridiculous optimism might actually be kinda right. I honestly
don't think I'd be the same person now if I hadn't meant you three years ago,
and I think we can both agree on what an incredible goddamn dude I am. Feel
free to take partial credit.'
Shit. Dirk resisted the urge to crumple the letter, instead replacing it where
it had been and shifting Jane and Roxy's letters there as well, lips pursed. He
would have an easier time re-editing this letter than any book about ponies,
that was for sure. 'You can also be really badass'? Seriously, what the fuck
was that? 'I honestly don't think I'd be the same person now'? STUPID. STUPID.
STUPID.
Fuck. He was overreacting. But it was almost too embarrassing to watch himself
talk like that, and he firmly decided to just leave the room and not go back.
Thankfully, the next room really did have the parts he needed, so he gathered
some into his bag, along with some tools. He spared a moment to regret that he
had decided not to bring any of his own tools or current projects with him, but
it didn't matter too much, anyway.
By the time he returned to Jake's room to work on putting it together, Jake
still hadn't come back and the rain was coming down harder than ever. There was
something a little weird about being here on his own without Jake and he looked
around again, paying more attention than before. He wondered whether Dirk's
bro's movie would get a poster on his wall once it was out. It was highly
likely that Jake would be the only person on earth to legitimately enjoy it.
And there was that robot bunny – wow, he really was committed to this whole
thing with whoever Jade was, huh?
He turned back to his work. It was enough that he was lying to Jake, he didn't
need to invade his privacy as well.
After some time, Jake finally reappeared. Dirk turned and instantly shuddered;
not only was Jake soaked head-to-toe, he was also covered in mud and dirt and
oh god, was that grass?
“All right, I've got that all sorted, then! Wire is up!” He adjusted his
glasses. “Hallo, what's that look for?”
“You look terrible.”
“Well now, that isn't very nice.”
Dirk pursed his lips. “Did you do that deliberately? Like, actually
purposefully cover yourself with mud and sprinkle weeds everywhere? Because I
can't think of any other way you could get so dirty so fucking quickly.”
“What? No, of course not!” Jake looked down at himself. “I don't think it looks
terrible. Actually, isn't it kind of badass?”
Dirk stared at him. “No.”
“Come on, it totally is! If you're off fighting evil and saving the world
you're not exactly going to be worrying about how clean you are.”
“You're not saving the world. You were attaching steel rope from one place to
another.”
“Or like, maybe that even makes it a bit better! Getting a bit dirty or roughed
up or whatnot, or – oh! Like as a sign of victory or something, even coming
back with blood on you! Wouldn't that be cool?”
“No. It would look stupid. And smell.”
“Are you saying I smell?”
“You do smell. Take a shower.”
“But we're just going to be going out again in a second!”
“Not until the rain stops. Don't you think the water might make it difficult to
hold on? Or affect the way it goes down the rope?”
Jake paused. “I have to say that I did not think about that!”
“Exactly. So go clean yourself up.”
“Now who's the grandma.” But instead of leaving, Jake took a step towards Dirk.
And then another.
“I swear to god if you do what I think you're doing I will gouge your eyes out.
I could do it. Just try me.”
Jake laughed, waving his hands. “Fine, fine! Geez, I'll go!”
Dirk watched him was he travelled down the stairs again, eyes lingering. That
had been awful. And maybe, if he were extremely honest, just a tiny little bit
hot.
His t-shirt had been very, very transparent.
Dirk shook his head, forcing his mind to return to the problem at hand.
It was... kind of weird to be distracted so easily like this. When it came to
sex, as with most things, Dirk had tended to take something of an outsider's
view on it, studying it analytically from as objective a position as he could.
Obviously, it wasn't something he was entirely unfamiliar with – the fact that
he was attracted to Jake was about as new to him as the fact that he was a
fucking rad dude – but it was a bit weird to suddenly actually be thrust (no
pun intended) right into the thick of it all and have to handle it all himself
and wow he really was distracted.
Just physically being around Jake would have been difficult enough, but all the
necking wasn't exactly helping. He was very, very aware of the fact that he
could take things further with Jake so easily. There were reasons against it –
apart from compounding the problems already in place, Dirk was very careful
about rushing Jake. He was clearly just trying this out to see how all of this
went, and however Dirk might think things were going he couldn't know what was
going on in Jake's head. This was all new to him, and if he tried to move
things too quickly Jake would probably get flustered and want to stop entirely.
He had no intentions of pushing Jake into something he wasn't comfortable with.
But that wasn't all. It wasn't as though his hormones had been paying too much
attention to his reason lately, anyway, and if that was the extent of his
rationale he'd be unlikely to last long resisting them. No, the more important
fact was that he himself didn't really want to do that yet. Things were
confusing enough right now that anything which had the potential of making
their situation even more complex was, in his mind, verboten. Sex didn't always
have to be complicated, but in these circumstances there was no way it could
not be. And maybe he didn't really want to go so far knowing that, most likely,
Jake was going to end this eventually and move on. He was all for making the
best of a bad situation, but that was a line he wasn't too keen on crossing
just yet.
So he shook the thoughts from his head. He had a couple of opportunities a day
to get it out of his system, so he wasn't totally overcome with frustration. It
was just something they didn't really talk about, and Dirk was very happy to
keep things that way.
Thankfully, the rain soon cleared up. Jake returned, rubbing a fluffy towel
over his hair and wearing fresh clothing. Dirk could smell the soap on him from
half the room away. They sat in comfortable silence as they waited for the rope
to dry, Jake chatting away on pesterchum, this time wearing some godawful
colorful cloak.
“Roxy managed to sneak out last night.”
“Oh, dear.” Dirk turned his screwdriver carefully. “What happened?”
“Her mum found out immediately of course. Hum, now she's definitely grounded...
seems like her mum was worried, though.”
“Bet that's not the way Roxy saw it.”
“I can read between the lines.”
Dirk coughed quietly at that. All joking aside, though, Jake could be
surprisingly perceptive now and then. Dirk was just glad that that
perceptiveness had never been turned to his own feelings for him.
Very quickly, Jake's restlessness became apparent. He got up often, looking out
the window at the line, or watching over Dirk's shoulder as he worked.
“Don't you have a movie to edit?”
“Oh, yeah!” Jake said with delight and immediately rushed off to find his
cameraphone. As far as Dirk could tell he really had forgotten all about it.
His immediate reaction was annoyance at the idea of all the time spent
yesterday being for naught, but then he felt a little silly. The whole point of
coming here was to spend time with Jake, wasn't it? And he'd done that. He
didn't regret any of it.
Finally, he was done. He got up, testing it on the line and fitting it there.
It all seemed stable and dry enough.
“All right, we're-”
“Just a second, I just need to...” Jake bit his lip, gazing intently at the
computer screen behind the helmet.
Dirk waited for several seconds, but still Jake didn't continue. Finally he
said, “You really are the type to get caught up by things, aren't you? As
expected of you, I guess.”
“Sorry! I just needed to find the right place to edit it, and it wasn't co-
operating...” Jake pulled off the helmet, shaking his hair again. It really was
surprisingly attractive. Like he was some kind of big, friendly dog. “So we're
ready!”
“Yep. Just hold on here and it should work.”
Jake laughed, stepping forward and examining it. “Yes, this looks perfect!
Stellar job, Strider!”
Dirk shrugged.
“So I just go, I guess?” Jake asked, reaching for the handle.
“Do you have the shoes?”
“Huh? Oh, right, yeah!” Jake darted off down the stairs, appearing a few
moments later. “Almost forgot!” He pulled them on, then grabbed hold of the
handle. Dirk stepped back.
“Now?”
Dirk thought. “Wait.” Dirk looked around, noticing the coat from before. “This
is a computer, right?”
“Of course.”
“Take it with you so you can message me from down there.” He stepped forward,
holding the coat out. “Don't let go of the handle or it'll go down on its own,”
he warned, and Jake tightened his grip.
Dirk reached forward to take the handle himself, but instead Jake let one hand
go, holding his arm out. After a second of hesitation, Dirk took the arm of the
coat, fitting it over him, and then again with the other arm. He smoothed the
back, then stepped back again, flexing his fingers.
“Any time.”
Jake turned back to him with a devil may care grin, hair blowing in the wind.
“I'll be back!”
And then he was off, arm muscles pulling taut as he held his weight with
impressive ease, whooping all the while. Dirk watched, willing to admit
something of a smile. Several long seconds passed before Jake finally reached
the bottom, leaping down impressively and, hopefully, landing safely.
TimaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:27
TT: I can't see you. Did you land okay?
GT: More than okay it was bloody brilliant!
GT: Absolutely wonderful thrill!
GT: You should try it next!
TT: I don't think so.
GT: Why not?
TT: Well, for starters we'd have to figure out a way to bring the handle back
up.
GT: Hm...have to say i didnt think of that!
GT: Why else though?
TT: What do you mean?
GT: You said for starters. Why else cant you go?
TT: Isn't it obvious?
GT: No. Why?
TT: Never mind.
GT: No! I have to mind now.
GT: Youve forced my hand.
TT: It doesn't matter.
GT: If it didnt matter youd say it!
TT: Or I realised that it isn't important after all.
TT: That's it.
Jake was silent for several seconds. Dirk frowned, cursing Jake's persistence.
But when he responded, it wasn't what Dirk expected.
GT: ...oh.
TT: 'Oh'? 'Oh' what?
GT: Hrm.
GT: I may not have entirely thought this through.
TT: What? Why?
TT: What happened?
TT: Do you need me?
GT: No Im sure Ill be fine!
GT: Its just that this is the time of the day and I guess year as well though
theyre a bit early this year
GT: When the crabdads come out.
TT: Crabdads?
TT: What the fuck are you talking about?
GT: Theyre these big crab things. Like in Half Life? Only a lot bigger.
GT: Dont worry though! Im sure ill be able to get back.
GT: It could be a lot worse especially since there doesnt seem to be that many
of them.
TT: I'm sending the brobot over.
GT: Wait what?
GT: No dont!
TT: Why not?
GT: Because I can handle it!
GT: Didnt I just say that?
TT: Then I'm coming.
GT: How is that any different?
TT: So your problem is that you believe if I helped you, it would prove that
you 'can't handle it'?
TT: Then, if you won't accept me coming to save you under that
conceptualisation,
TT: Will you accept if I present it in a form you would feel presents less of a
threat to your masculine integrity?
GT: What?
TT: Think of it like this:
TT: We work together, right? Against the forces of evil or whatever crap like
that.
TT: So we're supposed to fight together, not alone.
GT: I dont think I like this.
TT: I'm coming.
GT: No not that!
GT: I mean youre pretty obviously trying to manipulate me here.
TT: I said right from the outset that I was recontextualising the situation in
a manner that I hoped would change your mind about it.
TT: I am certain that that does not count as manipulation.
GT: Just because you say youre about to manipulate someone doesnt mean youre
not!
TT: I don't understand why you're so opposed to this.
GT: I dont know.
GT: I just dont like the idea of you just sitting back and deciding on your own
whats best for me!
GT: I can do things myself you know!
TT: This is not the time to be discussing this.
TT: I'm coming.
GT: I already told you I CAN HANDLE IT MYSELF.
TT: Fine.
TT: I'll stay here.
TimaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
GT: Urgh.
Dirk frowned. He didn't like this. He didn't like any of it. He stood up,
pacing around. What was Jake talking about? Why did he dislike the idea of Dirk
protecting him so much? They always joked about who was better, but this was
the first time something like this had happened. Had Dirk been too overzealous?
And what was all that stuff about manipulation supposed to mean?
He sat down, holding his hands on his lap. He needed to think, except he
couldn't concentrate while he knew that Jake was out there in danger. What the
fuck was a crabdad?!
The internet was no help. Seriously, had Jake never thought to inform a
scientist about any of this? Or his grandma, for that matter? Actually, hadn't
she been a scientist herself? What the actual fuck.
He itched to check the brobot. Surely Jake wouldn't be able to tell as long as
he didn't deploy him, right? But still it felt like missing the point. Not that
he knew what the point was.
Eventually, Jake make his way to the top of the stairs. Dirk looked him over,
expression blank.
“I'm fine,” Jake said quietly, but he didn't sound annoyed. Dirk nodded curtly.
The next few hours were... odd. They returned to their computers, an irritating
tension between them. But Jake kept glancing back at Dirk with an expression
that seemed almost...apologetic.
Dirk's shoulders gradually stiffened. The more Jake looked at him the more he
wished he could tell Roxy about it all, but it felt too weird when Jake was
right there.
TG: omg wats goin on ur acting rly weird rn
TT: Nothing. It's fine.
TG: dirk
TG: dirk
TG: drik
TG: so u rly think u can folo me
TG: *fool lolol
TT: Just wait, all right?
TG: k
“Strider,” Jake suddenly said, in an odd burst of noise as though he were as
surprised as anyone that he'd spoken aloud. Dirk turned, trying to ignore the
warning signs blaring in his mind.
“Ah...sorry about this afternoon. I really should not have gone off at you like
that. It was terribly unsporting of me.”
Slowly, Dirk shook his head. “No. It's fine. I get it.”
“You do?”
Of course I fucking don't, what do you think? “Yeah.”
“...okay.” Jake blinked, then looked around. “Great.”
Dirk nodded. Jake nodded.
“Well! Glad that's all cleared up, then!” Jake continued, clapping his hands
together. “Well! Shall we eat, then?”
“Sure.”
Dirk forced himself to relax. He had no idea what the fuck they had just agreed
upon, but it seemed to comfort Jake, anyway. Already he was acting just like
normal, chattering away as he got out food for lunch. Their arguments always
went this way – Dirk would try to avoid the issue, Jake would press it, they'd
talk a little, and then everything would quickly go back to normal. Simple. But
now more than any other time in the past Dirk wasn't entirely sure what had
just happened.
It was pumpkin. Fucking again. He narrowed his eyes at him; Jake ate happily
enough.
“What's with the pumpkin?”
“What pumpkin?”
“This fucking pumpkin. The stuff we've been eating every single day?”
“Oh, right.” Jake finished chewing his piece and swallowed. “They grow a lot
around here. Really big as well. They're such a convenient source of food that
I guess I've gotten dependent on them!”
“Seriously?”
Jake nodded earnestly.
It was surprisingly easy to go back to acting normally with Jake, even though
in spare moments his brain still buzzed with questions. Maybe it was because
they'd been talking on the internet for so long, but just sitting and speaking
with Jake felt like one of the easiest things in the world, even under these
circumstances.
“So I've got most of the movie all up then. I'll be trusting you for the
music!”
“Weren't you going to have the girls submit some film as well?”
“Oh, yeah! Hm, I think I could think of a few places for that, though! Ah,
isn't this great, working all together like this?”
“Wait, they don't have holographic recorders. Unless you have some spare?”
“No, I was just thinking of having them shoot with their own. Will add some
variety to it! Visual interest!”
“Jesus.”
*
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 21:59
TG: ok
TG: so
TG: get on w it then
TT: With what?
TG: dirk
TG: dont play dumb w me
TG: u jsut startde pestering me
TG: n then just left it opn for like 5 mins
TG: so blah blha blha u prtend 2 be all cool n mystryous
TG: *blah *mysterous
TG: n I weedle it out of u
TG: can we all just assume thats happened
TT: I guess.
TG: good
TG: much more eficent
TG: *efficeint
TG: *efficient
TG: so what
TT: Have you had any indication recently that Jake might be aware?
TG: of ur feelins?
TT: Yes.
TG: um no
TG: why?
TG: what happened?
TT: Are you sure?
TG: dirk I dont know anythin I didn't know last time
TG: in fact I think I no less
TT: Less? How is that possible?
TG: well idk
TG: if im ttly honest
TG: bak then I kinda got te impression he w straight
TT: Yes, I remember you saying that.
TT: You've changed your mind, then? Why?
TG: hats the thing
TG: i have no gdamn idea!
TG: whchis rly weird cause m gaydar is always right
TG: and its nvr changed before
TT: So you're certain he doesn't know.
TG: well that depends
TG: what maeks u think he does??
TT: It's kind of complicated.
TG: no no no no no
TG: no
TG: no
TG: I thoght we skipped this
TG: *thought
TT: Only for that question. Not for everything else.
TG: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh
TG: if u dont tell me ill wine
TG: *whine
TG: *actaully no ill do that too
TT: It's a complex situation.
TT: Not something that can be summed up easily.
TG: dirk
TG: is there hnstly anything u can't tell me??
TT: I guess not.
TT: The short story is that he said a few things today that I don't understand.
TT: He complained about me assuming that he couldn't take care of himself,
TT: Then said something weird about me manipulating him or whatever.
TG: huh
TG: u got the log
TT: Here:
timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "jakepesterlog471.txt" 
TG: u save all ur pesterlogs with him?
TT: They're useful for detecting patterns.
TG: omfghahahahaha
TG: dirk
TG: u r so fkucing cute sometimes
TG: or creepy
TG: 1 o those 2
TT: I don't see anything strange about it.
TT: Don't you save all your pesterlogs?
TG: w/e let me read
TG: wait y didnt u wanna ride the thing
TT: Keep reading. That's not the point.
TG: mayb
TG: its
TG: a parrot.
TT: What?
TG: *pattreb
TG: * pattern
TT: It's not.
TG: hm.
TG: this s rly weird
TT: See?
TT: I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.
TT: And then later he apologised for 'going off at [me]'.
TG: wat did u sya
TT: That it was ok and I understood.
TG: Did y?
TT: No.
TG: ....................
TT: It seemed to be the right response.
TT: At the time, anyway.
TG: bluhhhh
TG: well neway I dont think he knows
TG: cause like
TG: if he did wouldnt he just do something?
TG: like if he lieked u hed just kiss u rosomething prolly
TG: n if he didnt hed just say no
TG: isnt that the whole point?
TG: hes an actin kinda guy
TT: Maybe he's looking for an opportunity and I'm not giving him one.
TG: mayb???
TG: u know
TG: what would clear all this up
TT: What?
TG: tellin him
TT: That's a possibility.
TG: this doesnt seem that complicated tho
TG: so what else is goin on?
TT: Well.
TT: He's done some other confusing things.
TG: like what kindsof things
TG: sexy things?
TT: Whose definition of 'sexy' are you asking about?
TG: ogm.
TG: *omg
TG: it is!!
TG: what what what wtah ahta!!
TT: Jesus, it was an offhand question.
TG: u didnt u tell me!!
TT: It's not what you're thinking.
TG: o im thinkin all right
TG: thinkin all kindas stuff
TT: ...
TG: hahahahahahaha
TG: but srsly
TT: Well. It started out normally.
TT: I arrived, he showed me around.
TT: He started the movie marathon.
TG: get 2 the point
TT: Do you want me to tell you or not?
TT: I ended up falling asleep at one point from jet lag and woke up a couple of
hours later.
TT: Jake was still watching a movie. Some romantic comedy.
TG: which 1?
TT: Does it matter?
TG: thn y mention it at all??
TT: Then when the movie was over,
TG: yes yes
TT: He asked me whether I'd ever kissed a man before.
TG: omg
TG omgfgmfgo.
TT: 'Oh my god fucking god my fucking god oh'?
TG: y
TG: that
TG: so wat did u say
TT: I said 'no'.
TG: wat y?
TT: Because it's the truth?
TG: w
TG: rly??
TT: Why is this surprising?
TG: idk
TG: I gess im just surprised how virginal u are hahahahaha
TT: I don't see why it's cause for amusement.
TG: is this bexoz of jake?
TT: Maybe.
TT: But it's not like I have all that many opportunities to interact with
people my own age.
TT: Nor do I desire any.
TG: xcept w us
TT: Of course.
TT: Doesn't that go without saying?
TG: awwww
TG: so uve srsly never kissed ne1
TG: no steamy 7 minutes in hevn at a party
TG: no bringing bak some sexu dudes n hidin em from ur bro
TG: no ill-fated grpoes w the cheerleaders in the gym just 2 be sure
TT: No.
TT: And we don't even go to school.
TG: well yeah lol
TG: jesus u just spend all day at hime dont u?
TG: hahahaha that is so cute
TT: No it's not.
TG: well that or weird
TG: so im sayign cute.
TG: anyway so jakes just asked u this
TG: go on on on on on
TT: Like I said, I said no, and asked him why he was asking.
TT: He said that he wondered and,
TT: Basically, that he didn't exactly get any opportunities to try it out.
TG: !!!!!!!
TG: so like
TG: hes gay then??
TT: Is that important?
TG: uh p sure it matters to u!
TT: Well, I can't say for sure obviously, but no.
TT: I honestly don't think he is.
TG: what
TT: He definitely appears to be attracted to women. Obviously I can't know how
far that extends, though.
TG: so hes bi?
TT: I don't know.
TT: I'm pretty sure he's at least somewhat attracted to men, but that doesn't
say much in and of itself,
TT: And obviously it doesn't necessarily extent to biromanticism.
TG: what
TT: We can't assume that just because he's attracted to men that he's
romantically interested in them.
TT: Or women, for that matter.
TT: Or anyone else.
TG: .................
TG: but
TG: uve been kissin him
TG: right?
TT: Yes.
TG: good.
TT: Is it?
TG: well idk is it??
TT: That's not what I meant.
TT: I have to admit that I never planned for anything like this to happen at
all.
TT: I am not entirely certain how to respond to it.
TG: hrm
TG: wellllllllll
TG: I still think hed do smething if he wanted 2
TT: That would then lead to the conclusion that he isn't romantically
interested in me.
TT: Because why would he advance this suggestion rather than a more
straightforward romantic proposition?
TG: look idk
TG: maybe he doesnt know how u feel and wants 2 did out?
TG: *find
TT: That doesn't sound like Jake.
TG: none of this does
TT: Yeah.
TG: but yeah I still think he donsnt know
TG: cause like think about it
TG: here is a guy whos grown up amost entirely alone
TG: only intracting w other humans throuhg movies an the net
TG: ur probly the only prson hes ever physcally been next 2 since his grandma
TG: an were expectin him 2 have 100% human interactin skills A+ gold star on
the forehead?
TT: I guess so.
TG: janey still doesnt no
TG: but then shes kind of oblibousv
TG: *oblivis
TG: *donsn notice stuff
TG: actually so is jake rly
TG: so there u go
TT: That does make sense.
TG: I always make sneeze
TG: *sense
TG: lol
TT: Thanks.
TG: no prob
TG: always redy 2 help when u have sexy problems
TG: wink
TG: but srsly
TT: I know.
TT: Also, I'd like you to take a look at this.
TG: what is it
TT: A code. I can't make sense of it.
TG: umm kk sure
TG: wheres it from
TT: Some machine in Jake's bedroom.
TG: omg haha
TG: des jake have a lot of machins in his bedroom
TG: if u no what I mean
TT: No.
TT: I couldn't make any sense of the code and I was hoping you could.
timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "bedmachinecode.txt"
TG: wait wait wait wait wtia
TG: he has a machine
TG: n his bed
TT: Just take a look, would you?
TG: fggghhaha
TG: tis just gets better an better!!
TG: but sure k
TG: whoa wtf
TT: Understand anything?
TG: not a fuckin thing
TG: w even tf is this
TG: what does it do?
TT: He has no idea.
TT: He's not even sure how to turn it on.
TT: Apparently it belonged to his grandma.
TG: witide
TT: Huh?
TG: yeah I got nooooo idea
TG: soz
TG: rly wonder where it came frm now tho
TT: Hm.
TT: I'll tell him that.
TimaeusTestified [TT] became an idle chum!
Dirk drummed his fingers on his legs, trying not to feel victorious.
“I sent the file to Roxy.”
Jake looked up from his screen. “Yeah? What'd she say?”
“She didn't understand a fuckin' word of it either.”
Jake frowned. “Really? That sure is friggin' odd, then! What on earth could it
be?”
“No idea.” Dirk stretched out, leaning back against the couch. Was it bad he
felt a lot better now? “You said it was your grandma's?”
“Yeah, she bought nearly everything in here. She's owned this place since I was
a little kid.”
“You never asked her?”
Jake shrugged helplessly. “I had it ever since I was a kid! I never really
thought about it! It was just another of those weird things about this house. I
guess sometimes I wondered, but I just never got around to asking her, I guess.
Not before she died, anyway.”
Dirk hesitated. For a few seconds he wondered to himself whether what he was
thinking of asking was normal but then shook the thought away. Jesus, he was
getting over-paranoid. This didn't have anything to do with that at all. He was
just being Jake's fucking friend.
“When did she die?” He asked.
“Five years ago, a little after I turned eleven.”
Dirk thought, doing the math. “When exactly-”
“Yes, a couple of months before we met.” Jake looked forward and out of the
window with a smile, and rocks slowly began to form in the pit of Dirk's
stomach. Oh no. Oh, fuck no. “It was always the two of us, you know? We used to
go everywhere together – all over the world. We met all sorts of different
people – she was even friends with Jane's gramps for a while, if you can
believe it – but because we travelled around so much, we just stuck together,
you know? Then as I got older we started spending more and more time here, and
she furnished the place up a bit more. Guess she thought I'd want stability or
something?” Jake chuckled, but then his expression shifted and for the first
time since Dirk had met him he saw Jake look genuinely sad.
“So when she died... well, for a while I didn't really know what to do! She was
always getting caught up in secret missions and things like that, but I never
really thought about it all that much... And, well. Suddenly everything seemed
so lonely! I'd never been without her. I had some friends over the internet,
but not many, so when I started avoiding everyone for a few months, I guess
everyone just assumed I'd lost interest in them. And there was grandma – I
mean, Jade – of course, but...I didn't exactly want to talk to her much. Yeah.”
Jake scratched his nose, muscle in his cheek tensing briefly in a smile. “And
then I guess one day I woke up and it was just too lonely! I couldn't handle it
anymore! So I kinda started deliberately looking for friends? And heh, I guess
I was coming on too strong or something, but mostly people didn't really go
along with it? So I joined that forum, figuring maybe I could meet someone else
who was into the same sort of stuff as me!”
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. Dirk forced his expression into one so blank
his bro would be impressed. He knew how this story went. But there was no
stopping Jake now.
“And yeah, at first it was the same sort of thing. But then you started talking
to me! And actually being really nice and interesting! And I didn't really get
it, I mean, you weren't like that with anyone else, but I guess... well, that
made me feel a bit special, heh!” Jake ran a hand through his hair,
embarrassed. “But I dunno, it really worked, and it was like we got along
really quickly! And then I met Roxy and Jane and all and... well, I felt so
much better! Ever since then I didn't ever really feel so bad about it all, you
know?”
Dirk wanted to punch himself. He wanted to punch himself seven times. Seventy
times. He wanted to punch himself for every time he had ever thought that would
be a good idea.
A long time ago, when they were both eight, Dirk's bro enrolled him in some
online physics programme. It worked out well for them both – Dirk was too smart
and too antisocial for normal school and even then Bro had had more than enough
money to afford a damn good teacher. He hadn't been the only student, though –
there had also been Roxy. At first Dirk had been indignant about having to work
with someone else, and quite put off by how much of a 'silly girl' she was. But
as time went on, he realised more and more that she was at least as smart as
him, if not more so in some areas, and that they both actually had quite a lot
in common. Soon he had come to depend on her and her carefree, more socially-
knowledgable form of wisdom, and they had been friends ever since.
A year later, Roxy had met Jane. Dirk wasn't entirely sure how it had happened,
but apparently it involved pumpkins being appearified or something along those
lines? (Seriously, what was with his friends and pumpkins?) And then Roxy had
introduced her to Dirk and he'd sort of shrugged and gone with it. Jane was a
little odd, but she was very curious and straight-forward and had a rather nice
kind of staunch optimism that Dirk couldn't help but find appealing.
So for a few years, it had just been the three of them like that. And Dirk had
been completely satisfied. He certainly hadn't ever counted on making any more
friends – as far as he was concerned, if he just stayed friends with Jane and
Roxy forever, well, that was fine by him.
...so.
Dirk wanted to punch himself. More specifically, his past self. Sometimes he
actually sort of really hated the little shit. (Was that weird? Was he being
weird again?) He knew full well he could be kind of an obnoxious dick at times,
but his younger self was even worse. But while it wasn't any excuse, well, he'd
been a young, rich, isolated genius, and doesn't everyone like that go through
a stage of their life where they are completely convinced that the highest form
of intelligence and humour is to troll internet forums?
He wanted to punch his younger self so fucking hard.
It had been a forum about movies, obviously. Pretty small one, with only a few
dozen active members. The thing that had attracted Dirk was that a bunch of
them (obviously twelve-year-old kids, Dirk had thought scornfully with the
incredible hypocrisy of an adolescent who is a little bit too keen to prove
himself as intelligent as adults) apparently had absolutely no taste
whatsoever, rambling on and on about the shittiest of movies. And not even for
irony reasons, either. Just out of genuine terrible taste.
Needless to say, he had run wild. The admins clearly hadn't the slightest of
ideas how to keep order, and it would have taken more than a banned ISP or two
to stop Dirk even back then. He'd terrorized nearly half the users away by the
end of it all.
And yet one user remained stubbornly unterrorized – golgothasTerror.
He was a mystery. He had the most confusing taste of them all – he stomached
even films that the others all admitted weren't very good, but also seemed to
genuinely enjoy some actually quality movies. More than that, he had one of the
most ridiculous speaking styles that Dirk had ever heard – for months he was
convinced that Jake was putting it on deliberately. No human being could sound
like that. Combined with GT's intense optimism and goodwill no matter what Dirk
did, he was just quite possibly the most hilariously entertaining people Dirk
had ever seen.
So he messaged him with one of the usernames that hadn't yet interacted with
Jake directly. Why? He wasn't entirely sure. Certainly he had no plans just
yet. All he knew was that this guy was an absolute riot and he was going to
have to come up with something amazing to do to him.
Obviously, GT had taken him at his word. And so they had messaged each other
back and forth, trading opinions and jokes and thoughts. And the more Dirk
talked to him, the more GT – Jake – actually started to remind him of Jane, and
even Roxy. He was very optimistic, but he wasn't an idiot. He had a boundless
curiosity towards the world, even if it was misplaced at times. He always
managed to look on the bright side of things and see the best in everything,
which would obviously appear to constitute an arbitrary taste from the outside.
And he was one of the most loyal, determined, kind people Dirk had ever met. He
even put Jane to shame there.
And somewhere... they actually became friends.
Jake asked him about this Roxy and Jane Dirk kept talking about, so he
introduced him to them. The others had welcomed him warmly, and almost
instantly he had become part of their group. It was only when Jake mentioned a
conversation he had with Roxy one day and Dirk felt a twinge of disappointment
that Jake wasn't entirely his friend anymore that he fully comprehended exactly
what had happened here.
And then he'd actually gone and fallen for him, as if this pointless fucking
narrative needed to become even more pathetic than it already was. God he was a
such a shitty troll. The single worst that had ever existed, or ever would
exist, in this or any other alternate universe.
And that was why Dirk never, ever, ever wanted to talk about how they had met
ever again. Ever.
He nodded. “Oh.”
“So, um, thanks for that, I guess? I mean, obviously you had no idea what you
were doing at the time! But I really appreciated it nevertheless!”
Dirk shrugged. “It's fine.”
Jake smiled. “And I guess thanks for coming here as well! It was really good
just to talk to you all, but it's such a difference actually having someone
else here in the house, you know?”
“Yeah.” Dirk struggled. “Um, my bro is gone pretty often, too. I mean,
obviously it's not the same thing, but- yeah.”
Jake nodded sympathetically. “Yeah.” Then his eyes lit up. “Now we just need to
figure out how to get Roxy and Jane here, too! Or we could all go to someone
else's house, either way. That would be the total greatest thing, don't you
think?”
Dirk nodded. “It really would,” he said with total honesty.
Jake continued to talk, going on about everything the four of them would do
together once they all met up. Most of it seemed to revolve around things Jake
was interested in – going exploring together, showing each other movies,
playing all sorts of kiddy games that Dirk almost would have protested against
until he realised that Jake probably never really got the chance to play all
those sorts of games when he was a kid.
Would he ever tell Jake the truth here? Fuck no. In bold print, italics, 78
point font, and also flashing bright red. No, not even fuck no. Fuck to the
fuck no, in brackets raised to the fuck. That was how much he was never, ever
going to tell Jake any of this.
He tried to feel bad. But he was feeling bad for so many things already. It was
just better for the both of them if he never knew. God knew Jake had reason
enough to dislike Dirk already – he really didn't want to give him any more.
Like the skulls on the island, Jake was better not knowing the truth.
*
It was hard to imagine Jake as a secret person. Then again, it was hard to
imagine any of his friends keeping things from him. Roxy always told him
everything without much fuss, Jane was too much of a goody-two-shoes and would
probably crack and burst into tearful apologies after ten minutes of lying, and
Jake just didn't seem the sort to even consider lying an option. Dirk honestly
suspected that if he ever suggested that he lie Jake's only response would be a
bemused look. Not even a disapproving one – just a confused one.
Based on the available evidence, the possible premise of 'Jake is deliberately
keeping something from me' was probably false. Therefore, the only reasonable
conclusion was that Dirk was misunderstanding something and this was causing
the lapse in communication today.
Fuck him if he knew what it was, though.
He wasn't lying when he told Roxy he was considering confessing. That had never
stopped being an option, not since he first figured the whole thing out a
little before he turned thirteen and adamantly decided that he wouldn't be one
of those weepy anime guys who waits around for years too scared to say
anything. 'Soon' had turned into 'when I get this specific opening' had turned
into 'once I have a better idea of what the situation is'. And yet, despite how
he had reacted to Roxy's statement earlier, he was forced to admit that he very
well did have less of an idea of the situation now than he had last year. Or,
at least, he was more aware of his own ignorance.
It wasn't a good feeling. He didn't ever like to think of a question and admit
that he didn't know the answer. For anything else he'd just look it up and read
it and he'd be fine.
As the evening went on, Dirk caught up with everything he needed to on the
internet. That done, he tried to come up with something else to do, but gave up
quickly. There was no point at this stage. Purposefully, he turned off the
computer in his glasses (was it just him or had the AR been unusually quiet
lately? He hadn't even been talking to Jake much; he'd checked the logs just
last night) and walked over to where Jake was sitting on the couch.
He raised his eyebrows. Jake smiled.
Kissing Jake, on the other hand? Pretty much unequivocally good. It felt good
in a physical way, obviously. It was also good to just be able to hold him like
this, know that he was there and safe, although he would eternally refuse to
put this thought into words with the aptitude of a person who had, for whatever
idiotic reason, trained themselves to be able to make others think of a pink
elephant without imagining it themselves. Most of all, while he was distracted,
he couldn't think.
Fuck, he was totally ruining science as well, wasn't he?
But it was a way to be here with him that didn't involve complicated social
mores and obsessing about the right thing to say. Sometimes, just every now and
then, that was nice.
Jake shifted on his lap, breaking away momentarily. Dirk looked up at him;
having Jake over him like this was nice, too.
Then Jake blinked. Then snorted. Then he was pursing his lips together, eyes
burning.
“...what.” His stomach went cold. What the fuck had he done now?!
Jake shook his head, shoulders shaking. “Your hair...”
“Huh?” Dirk leaned away from the back of the couch, feeling it. It'd gotten
flattened where his head had been resting against the back of the couch. The
gel had gone weird, causing it to stick out in strange places.
He looked back at Jake. Jake burst into giggles, shaking over Dirk's lap.
Dirk's eye twitched. “Oh my god.”
“I'm s-” Jake continued to laugh, almost spluttering. “It's just really fucking
funny!”
“It's not,” Dirk insisted, pushing up from the couch with enough leverage to
turn Jake over, sitting on him instead. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Never,” Jake choked out, and even when Dirk kissed him firmly to stop him
little giggles still spilled out every now and then. Dirk kissed him harder to
disguise his smile, but somehow he suspected that Jake could tell anyway.
He was thinking about this too hard. Jake was Jake and that was all that
mattered.
***** Day Four *****
Chapter Notes
     Happy belated 413 day, everyone! :) This chapter is up early, so the
     next should only take a few days from here!
“Rise and-”
“Are you. Going to do this. Every morning.”
“Are you going to take an hour to get ready every morning?”
“Are you going to bitch about that every morning?”
“Are you going to whinge about waking up early every morning?”
Dirk was silent. He was silent because he was asleep.
“Then it appears we are at a stalemate.”
“Yes. Because I'm not getting up.”
“It's not even eight. I waited until nine this morning!”
“Still too early.”
“How can you sleep so much? We go to bed at the same time!”
“Maybe I have insomnia.”
“That's no excuse.”
“Harsh. That's totally a medical condition, dude. How fucking insensitive.”
“Sleep is for the weak.”
Dirk finally opened his eyes, rubbing at them groggily. “I hate you.”
“Good, great! Hold that thought – you'll be needing all the righteous anger and
strength you can channel when we have our duel!”
Dirk shook his head, wincing as his hair flopped around. How could Jake stand
to look at him right now? “That's today, then?”
“Yep! No reason to put it off anymore! Today, after many years of waiting, we
will finally have the legendary strife between English and Strider!”
Dirk pushed himself off the bed, stumbling over to his bag and dragging it over
towards the stairs.
“It will be an epic event, one that will be remembered for centuries to come!
One day they will write tales of our battle, and of the amazing fucking
coolness of it!”
Dirk stomped downstairs, Jake trailing behind him.
“Yes – one day when we are remembered as the most godly heroes this world – no,
this universe – has ever seen, people will write stories – tales – songs –
epics about this day!”
Dirk walked, opening the bathroom door and slamming it shut.
“You are excited, right?”
Dirk paused halfway through taking off his shirt. Jake's voice, coming from
just outside the door, sounded annoyingly plaintive. Annoying in that suddenly
he was feeling bad for no reason. “Obviously,” he said.
Jake was silent. That was never a good sign.
“Maybe I'll be a bit more enthusiastic once I'm more than 20% awake.”
“Oh! Of course!” Jake said, much more happily.
From there he continued to chat away uncaring of Dirk's lack of response. Even
when he left to get some things he told Dirk all about it before he went.
Dirk shook his head. Seriously, this boy really was like a puppy sometimes.
What Roxy had said yesterday echoed in his mind, though – Dirk really was the
only person to actually come to his house since his grandma died, and he was
only staying for a week. In that situation, even Dirk had to admit he'd be
rather clingy.
When he finally left the bathroom, Jake was waiting by the door again, an odd
expression on his face. He glanced to Dirk as though he wanted to say
something, but never opened his mouth.
“What?”
Jake shook his head. “Nothing,” he said, but there was a small smile there. He
glanced up again at Dirk's hair, then walked away, looking confusingly self-
satisfied. Dirk frowned, self-consciously thinking back and trying to figure
out what he'd done to make himself look weird, but couldn't think of anything.
They left the house from the front way this time, Jake practically skipping in
anticipation.
“It'll be a good, clean fight, all right? No weapons and no hitting below the
belt. And no kicking.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because that's cheap.”
“Which is just another word for 'effective'.”
“It's not! It's fighting dirty. Like throwing sand in someone's eyes.”
“Kicking takes skill. It's something you actually have to work at, not just
grabbing a fucking handful of sand and chucking it.”
“Well we're not kicking! This is fisticuffs. Not...legicuffs.”
“Why do you get to decide all this? All right, next time we fight with swords.”
“But that's not fair! I can't use a flipping sword!”
“And you fight more with fists than I do.”
“Which means you use your fists at all, i.e., more than I use swords. Besides,
swords are girly weapons.”
“What.”
“They are! They're old-fashioned. Get with the times, grandpa!”
Dirk almost choked. Jake's smile was so wide it almost hurt to look at.
“You smiled!”
“What?”
Jake shrugged, looking far too goddamn pleased with itself. “I made you smile.”
“It was a bitter smile at the utter irony that you are sadly completely unaware
of.”
“Still counts.”
“Counts for fucking what? Is there some competition I'm unaware of?”
“Yes. We're all taking bets. I'm winning.”
“Are you so sure about that?”
For a moment Jake actually looked worried. “Wouldn't I be?”
Dirk frowned thoughtfully, tapping a hand to his chin. “Hmm...”
“Come off it. I'd clearly win. Right?”
“Jesus you are insecure sometimes.”
Jake puffed up. “I'm not insecure! It's just that we're best bros, right? You
make me smile the most!”
Somehow this conversation had taken a weird turn. “Really?”
“Yeah!” Jake nodded, then went quiet again.
“...but seriously, how the fuck are swords girly. They are classic symbols of
stealth and precision.”
“Yeah, chopping something to bits is so much more precise than a clear shot
from a sniper from thirty metres away.”
Dirk stopped walking. “What's that sound?”
“What? Oh...” Jake's face fell. Dirk immediately took out his katana.
“What's wrong?”
“Oh, that's just...um.”
“What?”
“The brobot.”
Dirk smirked, replacing the sword into his sylladex. “Ah.”
Jake pouted, standing still where he was.
“This will be interesting, then.”
Jake shot him a strange look and for a moment Dirk was actually confused. Then
Jake looked away again and certain facts fell into Dirk's mind.
Fact: Jake was complaining that the brobot was too difficult to fight.
Fact: Dirk had deliberately configured the novice mode to be more of a training
mode, well below where Jake's ability should be.
Fact: Dirk may have a little bit sort of configured other things into novice
mode.
Ah. That.
Dirk turned away, his entire body spasming into a state of stiff tension. His
mind blared out a very belated warning: 'No! Fucking stop!' But it was too
late: it was already done.
He'd thought about it, of course, beforehand. A bit. And he'd decided that, as
dangerous as it was, he had to do something about the whole Jake thing – he
couldn't just stand around doing nothing for three years. And Jake had already
proven himself oblivious enough that even the AR's more tasteless comments had
failed to make an impact on him (probably?), so it was like a test, too, sort
of, in a way. So in a burst of action he'd done it, comforting himself with the
knowledge that, however Jake reacted, Dirk wouldn't be around to see it.
He was an idiot. He was an idiot ten times over. A hundred.
(It had been a programming oversight. It happened all the time that you
programmed something to happen and it turned into something else. Wasn't it
funny how similar punching and stroking motions were? Hahaha. Ha. Haha.)
In the pink haze of embarrassment overtaking his vision, Dirk watched as the
brobot arrived, clearly not set to novice mode. He swallowed, fists clenched so
tight his nails were digging into his palm. Okay. Fuck. Okay. That was good.
So when the brobot took out his sword, he forced a smirk. Jake smiled grimly,
taking out his pistols.
“You know, this is rather interfering with our duel,” Jake said, back to Dirk.
“I'm okay with that.”
Dirk stepped back, crossing his arms. What did Jake think about it? Had he even
set it to novice mode ever? Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember
him ever bringing it up, even with the autoresponder. Not that Dirk had ever
mentioned anything specific either. What if he thought it was all some big
joke? What if he didn't think it was all some big joke?
Fuck. Fuck!
That was fucking it, he was officially swearing off from ever making spur of
the moment decisions again, ever. Nothing he did would happen without at least
two hours of planning and analyzing time beforehand. Spontaneity was dead to
him. Dig a grave and roll that sucker in, light it on fire and dump three tons
of earth on top. Dead as Nic Cage's acting career. Done.
Jake and the brobot began to strife, and Dirk let his eyes follow it, glad to
have something he could pretend to concentrate on while he fucking thought
about this. Just yesterday he'd been wondering whether Jake knew. Could it be
that he did after all? He must, right? Not even Jake could be this oblivious.
But the idea of him knowing made even less sense. Jake had always been the
oblivious, straightforward one who said everything he thought. He was caught
between an impossible idea and a hard place. In absence of any real reason to
decide either way, there wasn't really anything he could do but elect to
continue acting as he had been, as though Jake didn't know.
And seriously, what the fuck was up with this thing anyway? He sure hadn't told
it to go fight Jake. Was the AR screwing with it again? Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
that cocksucker, he'd be having words with it later on -
He was only vaguely aware as the fight between Jake and the brobot continued.
When a motion caught his attention and he saw Jake struggling he chuckled
instinctively to hide his inattention, but paused before he drifted into
thought again. Something else was bugging him.
Something was going wrong.
Jake was shooting wildly, bullets going in every direction. Jesus fucking
christ, he was so fucking lucky Dirk hadn't been hit by a stray one yet. Dirk's
eye twitched almost painfully. But he wasn't just screwing around – Jake's
expression was set, eyes grim. As Dirk watched, the brobot evaded the bullets
with absurd ease, then used his katana to block each one.
Suddenly the gun clicked – Jake glanced at it in shock, then threw it at the
brobot's head where it bounced off harmlessly. Instead, the brobot flew
forward, grabbing hold of Jake. He tried to pull away, managing to escape when
his jacket ripped, but the brobot continued to advance and Jake fell to the
ground.
Jake was losing. Not just that – he was being demolished. Badly.
Dirk's eyes widened. His hand immediately came to his glasses. Jake's words
from yesterday came to him and he frowned deeply. But he didn't hesitate, and
turned off the brobot immediately.
The mechanical noises slowed and the brobot stilled, fist raised above Jake.
Jake flinched, hand raised to protect his head, but then opened an eye. Seeing
the robot had stopped, he collapsed backwards, resting his hand on his face
with a sigh.
Dirk had never been so angry. He marched over, hands shaking. Before had been
nothing – now, his mind was working a hundred miles an hour and it was all bad,
what the actual fuck, what the actual fuck. His breath had caught, choking him,
and for a few long seconds he wanted nothing more than to haul Jake up and to
force him to continue fighting, to never stop until his bro forced him to go
back home – to stay as long as possible.
He pushed the brobot away, leaving it to clang on the ground. Ignoring it, he
knelt down to pick Jake up roughly.
Jake shook him off, looking at him. “You turned it off.”
“Yes.”
Jake frowned at him, his mouth contorting in a strange way.
Dirk held out a hand, his expression blank.
He should have realised. They hadn't fought before, not yet, but he'd seen the
way Jake moved, had watched him pretend. Surely if Dirk was good enough he'd be
able to tell? Memories of Jake boasting about his accomplishments and getting
excited over fighting Dirk and being annoyed when Dirk tried to help him out -
He had no fucking idea.
Maybe Dirk was wrong. Maybe there was no problem at all. When he really sat and
thought about it, the evidence was pretty fucking weak. But he couldn't think,
there was no time to think, he had to – he had to –
Jake hesitated. “I'm fine.” But Dirk's hand didn't waver, and after some time
Jake finally took it, gingerly standing up. He was limping, and his good hand
pressed against a large red stain in his t-shirt that Dirk refused to
acknowledge.
“I'm serious. It's not like I haven't gone through this before,” he mumbled,
even as he let Dirk lead him onward. He stumbled, leaning on him heavily, but
he refused to look Dirk in the eye and his expression was one of utmost
concentration and annoyance.
Dirk ignored him.
Slowly, he steered them through the house, walking carefully so as not to bump
Jake unnecessarily. His emotions had done a 180 and now it was physically
difficult not to just lay Jake where he was on the ground and get him a blanket
and fucking wash his feet or something, jesus those wounds looked painful. He'd
felt pain like that before. It wasn't good. That he was holding up without
crying out at all was showing more self-discipline than he'd thought Jake
capable. He didn't want to see Jake like this ever, ever again.
Eventually, they reached the bathroom. As soon as they were there Dirk realised
there were probably other bathrooms through the house that he could have gotten
to more easily, but fuck that. They were here now. He pushed open the door and
led Jake to the bath, sitting him on the edge. He turned around, rummaging
through the cabinet for first aid supplies. Thankfully, Jake was at least
sensible enough in this respect, and he found a kit.
He reached for Jake's leg but Jake pulled it away. He looked exhausted and his
voice was hoarse but he was clearly no less angry for that. “I can take care of
this at least.”
“No. You can't.”
Jake snorted humorlessly. “Let me guess – I'm just some helpless little child
and once again it's up to Dirk Strider to do everything for me!”
“Apparently.”
“Jesus!” Jake pulled his leg away again, wobbling and nearly unbalancing into
the bath. “Just because I can't fucking flashstep or – whatever you do, that
doesn't mean I'm any worse than you!”
Dirk stared at him. All that indignant anger – he had genuinely had no idea.
Nor had Dirk. How had there been this break in communication? When they both
spoke about toughness and ability and fighting, were they talking about
completely different things this entire time? How had this happened?
He didn't want to see Jake like this ever again.
“Yes,” he said, and the quiet waver in his voice surprised even him. “Yes, it
does.”
Jake closed his mouth, staring down at him. His eyes still blazed but he
waited, listening.
Dirk frowned. He looked downwards, putting down the kit and sitting down at
Jake's feet. Jake stayed silent, watching him. Dirk shook his head. He'd sworn
off on spontaneous decisions just a few minutes ago, but all of a sudden that
whole thing seemed so stupid he couldn't believe he'd been so worked up about
it. What did any of that even matter? He wasn't concentrating on the important
things. He never was.
It was a lot harder to talk in real life than over pesterchum. Well, fuck, duh,
that was obvious, but apparently this was news to him, too. Seems being with
Jake was teaching him an awful lot.
He breathed out. “Just... fuck.” He looked away. He couldn't concentrate when
he saw the multitude of cuts and bruises over his legs. It was making him feel
like panicking again. That was never good.
“Just...” He clenched his fists. Finally, he thought he knew what he had to
say. “Did you know,” he said, unclenching his fists and flexing his fingers;
clenching them again. “That my bro and I have strifed nearly every goddamn day
since I was a little kid? Every goddamn day. Since I was, like, four or some
shit. Think I enjoyed that? Fuck no. He was bigger and stronger than me and it
was years before I was even half as good as him. He's still more experienced
than me – so I had to become better at other things. Faster. Stuff even he
couldn't do.”
He scratched the back of his neck, still refusing to look Jake in the eyes.
“Now, here's the million dollar question: exactly why the fuck does a guy spent
years all together fighting with his kid brother? Is he just that obsessive? Is
he some big strifing affictionado and is too much of a loser to find a real
opponent? Does he just get his kicks out of beating up children? Or...” He
shook his head. He was being stupid. “Or... is it not just fighting after all?
Is it... is it training?”
Jake was silent. Dirk breathed in and out slowly, choosing the words to match
to his thoughts carefully. “I know, I know – what, like there's some big
conspiracy or what the fuck ever? But every now and then he just stares into
space and – And after that, we always end up fighting again. He never holds
back. He's always pushing, harder and harder.”
Finally, he looked up. He held Jake's gaze. “I sent you the brobot because I
thought you were up to that level. You're not. So clearly, no. You can't take
care of yourself.”
Jake swallowed. The look he was giving him was one of utmost pity and concern,
and Dirk felt a rush of self-righteous apathy. So the fuck what? If it
convinced Jake to take this shit seriously, it was worth it.
“It might be nothing,” Jake said quietly.
“You think I don't fucking know that?” He held onto his knees, clenching
tightly. “You think I'm not aware of how idiotic I sound even saying all this?”
“You don't sound like an idiot.”
“Then shut the fuck up and let me do your wounds.”
Jake blinked. He glanced away, then back. Almost guiltily, he nodded.
First it was necessary to wash the wounds; with how much Jake was hitting the
ground, he'd have to get the dirt out of it. He used the washcloth, squeezing
water onto his legs and dabbing at the cuts. Apart from an odd, faint wince,
Jake didn't move.
It took time. The hair covering his legs and arms certainly didn't help.
However, he stuck to the revealed skin, leaving his clothes where they were.
That done, he reached for the antiseptic. He worked as carefully as possible,
waiting for Jake to calm and ready himself each time. It was a delicate
process.
It was a thing he'd done many, many times before. At first his bro had helped
him out – wasn't willing to risk a kid getting infected, he guessed. But soon
he drifted further and further away until Dirk was on his own. At the time he
had resented it, but in recent times he'd come to understand. Taking care of
yourself isn't just about holding your own in battle, it's what you do after
you're injured. You're not going to survive long if you go all-out and half
kill yourself, leaving yourself ready to be picked by your next opponent.
Survival is about strategy.
It was the first time he'd done this for someone else, though.
Done with this, he removed the bandages. They were pure and white and looked
strange on Jake, who seemed destined to be dark and natural and real. They
twined around him firmly until he was littered with bandages. Even the smallest
wound was tended to.
When he was done he continued to touch Jake's arm. Then he nodded and leaned
back.
Jake looked at him with an expression Dirk had never seen him wear before. He
didn't understand it. He was frowning, his eyes deep.
Jake's voice was quiet. “Just because you can do this for me doesn't mean you
have to do everything for me.”
Dirk nodded. “I know.”
*
He didn't know how he felt.
Feelings weren't really something he generally paid too much attention to,
especially these sorts of feelings. He didn't know the vocabulary, the
categories, the distinctions of difference. Not that it would help if he were
into that – most people out there seemed perfectly content to keep love like
some kind of mysterious, unpredictable wild animal. That wasn't him. He wanted
the truth. He was going to find it.
What even was 'love'? He loved Jake, but he also loved Jane and Roxy and his
bro and Lil' Cal and Squarewave and Sawtooth and Rainbow Dash and fucking
peanut butter ice cream. The word could not possibly be more vague. An
explanation that can describe anything describes nothing. There were worlds of
differences in those loves. But even if he split it up – romantic love and
familial love and friendship and love for hobbies and love for experiences – it
still would barely help. He felt some degree of familial love for Jane and
Roxy, perhaps, and he certainly felt friendship for Jake. And the love between
him and his bro was ridiculously dissimilar from Roxy's love for her mom, and
even from Jane's perspective her love for her dad was likely not identical to
her love for her grandpa.
And even then there were so many nuances it didn't cover. The satisfaction he
felt when he was better than Jake – when he could help him and explain things
to him and protect him. The mixture of annoyance and admiration when Jake had
his flashes of insight. The amusement and helplessness and maybe attraction,
sometimes, when Jake did something really ridiculous. How was this 'love'? It
was a stupid idea. And it wasn't consistent. Sometimes he'd talk with Jake
about the most serious of subjects and he'd be perfectly calm, and other times
he'd just catch sight of the back of his head, like just now, and it would be
like a punch in the gut.
He just loved him so much, sometimes.
And he didn't know what to do with it. Sometimes he just wished he could
fucking put it in a box and wrap it up like a present with a little bow or some
shit and just give it to him, and maybe Jake couldn't return the gift, but he
could still see it and smile and admire it and look it over when he felt bad
and remember that he was loved. He could make Jake so happy, but he wasn't
allowed to, and that was fucking stupid.
So he held it in, arms wrapping around himself and pushing back against it, but
it still leaked out of the corners and cracks of him, drip by drip. He fumbled,
but his hands couldn't be everywhere, and the drops themselves weren't visible,
maybe, but the trails were there, clear and liquid.
He didn't understand why Jake didn't notice. He didn't understand why Jake
didn't just say something already. Dirk wanted to, that was for sure. He wanted
to know what he wanted to do and how to do it and do it, maybe in some big
event, maybe in some subtle overriding plan with lots of probabilities and best
guesses and subtle nudges and clever analyses. But he didn't know how to do any
of it, so he froze, trussed up wrists to ankles by his own thoughts, stiff and
uncomfortable but there was no other way, was there?
He didn't want to hurt Jake. He didn't want to be a bother to him. He didn't
want to see in Jake's eyes the look that flashed in Dirk's when he read the
words Roxy sent him a year ago.
There were more important things than that. He and Roxy were still friends,
fuck, she could joke about it all now, but all that was still yet to happen
with Jake. There were all sorts of things he could be worrying about that. But
when he thought about that...
He breathed in, trembling, fingers hovering over the keys of his laptop. He
breathed out, slowly, picking up another tune, tapping the beat on keys J, I,
O, and ;. He was overreacting, being ridiculous. He had a fucking amazing life
– money and family and friends and hobbies. He was nothing special – basically
everyone got a crush on someone sometimes. Jesus, he was fifteen. What, was he
convinced that this was true love or something and that they'd get married at
eighteen and live happily ever after? Years from now he'd look back and realise
how stupid he was being. He needed to realise that now.
He was overreacting. He was Jake's friend. He had kind of a crush on him. He
wanted to fuck him. He was just some teenager too caught up in his own head.
That was all.
He opened his eyes, opening a new tab. He wasn't going to think about this any
more. He'd wasted enough time on it already.
*
Dirk dug through the bag, pulling this and that out. He was pretty sure he put
it in this bag with the other electronics. It wouldn't make sense for it to be
anywhere else.
He noticed something small and plastic and, confused, pulled it out; condoms.
He flushed, then immediately regretted it. Glancing to his side to make sure
Jake wasn't looking (of course he wasn't, he was wearing that ridiculous
headset again) he shoved them into his pocket.
Bro. Of course.
Probably just an irritating joke – he never was much one for subtlety. But then
there was the terrifying possibility that bro actually did know everything that
was going on to the smallest detail. Unfortunately, this was likely to be the
correct option. No matter how strongly Dirk guarded his computers he always
seemed to find out anything he wanted to know anyway.
Unless he and the AR were having conversations. But that thought was vastly
more terrifying and in any case there wouldn't be anything Dirk could do about
it if it were true, so Dirk pushed the idea away.
He returned to his search. It had to be here somewhere...
After everything in the bathroom, the two had retreated upstairs again. With
the duel clearly put on hold for the time being, their plans for the day had
suddenly vanished. Left to stew, Dirk had gotten caught up in his own thoughts
and languished in them. After a while, it had just gotten too bad and he'd
given up, looking for something else to do. It was about time he suggested
something, anyway – Jake might technically be the host, but they were still
friends.
Finally, he found it. He picked the machine up, taking it over to where the
projector had been. He sat there staring around in frustration for a full
minute before admitting defeat.
“Where do I plug this in?”
Jake pushed up the helmet. “Oh, an Xbox? I have one of those!”
“Well, this one's here.”
Jake pulled the helmet off completely, dropping it on the couch beside him. “I
dunno. I think you just sort of put it there and it detects it.”
“Ser-ok never mind, I really have to get used to all this ridiculous technology
you have.”
“I thought you'd have all this same stuff?”
“No.”
Ok, so maybe playing games wasn't the most original idea in the world. Really,
Roxy was the only one of them who played regularly. Still, it was better than
nothing.
Dirk turned on the xbox and the projector; unbelievably enough, it did work.
“What the flipping fuck is this?” Jake asked doubtfully, peering up at the
title.
“Jesus. I know I said I'd get used to this technology, but come on – how the
fuck can it create a 3D projection of a 2D game? How?”
“I dunno.” Was this guy just the most uncurious person in the world?! “You
didn't answer my question.”
“This,” Dirk said with what he felt was a certain degree of drama that Jake
really should appreciate, “is Grand Snack Fuckyeah 2: Off Da Hewk.”
Jake did not appear to be doing any appreciating. “It looks crap.”
“Well done, it appears Mr. English does have some standards after all,” Dirk
said, picking up the controllers and sitting on the sofa, handing one to Jake.
“Of course it's crap. It's probably the crappiest game I've ever played. Well,
apart from Big Rigs, obviously, but that goes without saying.”
“So why are we playing it, then?”
“You made me watch all those movies to increase my film education, right? Well,
now it's my turn. And your irony education has been severely stunted.”
Jake pulled a face. “There's – there's no way I'm getting out of this, am I?”
Dirk shook his head seriously. “There's only so much ignorance – wilful
ignorance especially – that one can stand before one is forced to take action.”
He pressed the button to start the game, then pressed it a few more times.
“Just – a sec, sometimes it takes a while.”
Jake groaned. Dirk grinned.
*
Jake was lying on the couch, one leg off the edge, head up against the far
edge. Dirk was sitting with his legs up under him, leaning back. The couch
wasn't big and their feet and legs overlapped comfortably.
“Seriously, how much technology do you even have? It must use up a shit-load of
uranium.” Dirk banged at the buttons, trying to execute a difficult trick. Not
that it mattered – he was theoretically battling Jake, but he was clearly much
more interested in their conversation and was just skating around aimlessly.
Jake shrugged. “Guess so! Some stuff uses power from the volcano, but yeah,
mostly it's uranium. Grandma really had a thing for it, for some reason.
Totally weird – volcano power is so much cooler, don't you think?”
“Actually, I believe I would describe lava as distinctly uncool.”
“Heh.”
“No wonder you're always bugging me for more, though.”
Jake bristled. “Well, yeah, it uses a lot. Which is why it's so important to
keep my stocks high! Can't have everything turning off and all the lights going
down all the time, right?”
Dirk wondered how many times that had happened. Obviously a lot, but the exact
number? Impossible to say.
“Now that I think about it...” Dirk glanced around the room – there was the
bunny, on the desk. “You're still working on that, right?”
Jake looked in its direction. “Well, yeah. Pretty important, after all!”
“Will you need some more uranium for it? From how you've described it, it seems
like it'll need a lot.”
“Of course not! I already told you, I have plenty! It's not like I'd just
forget about something as important as that, anyway!” Jake said loudly, voice
even more heated than before, a sure sign that he had, indeed, not considered
that. Dirk decided to be the better person and not point that out.
“Well, whenever you need more, anyway.” He paused, biting his lip as he
attempted a grind. Fuck, his character was glitching again. Oh, well.
“Actually, if you wanted I could have a look at it for you.”
“What? Why?” Jake didn't sound as grateful as Dirk would have liked. If
anything, he sounded more annoyed.
“Because I'm the one here who actually knows a thing or two about robots? Apart
from, y'know, actually having made a robot bunny before? And like you said, if
it's really that important...”
He glanced; Jake was outright glaring at him. The fuck? Dirk scrambled to
correct himself, defend himself, something, but he wasn't sure how to.
“I'm fine,” Jake said curtly, turning back to the screen.
Jesus. Dirk flexed his fingertips over the controller, shifting. Was this about
the protecting thing again? He thought they'd covered that already. And wow, he
really did not want to think about that any more. He searched for a safe topic
to switch to.
“So you do still subscribe to that whole idea, then?”
“What whole idea?”
“About Jade being your grandma.”
Jake watched the screen, hand growing limp on the controller. “...yes. It's
complicated, but... I think I'd rather believe it and turn out to be wrong than
vice versa, you know? Besides – it's pretty exciting, don't you think?”
“I guess so.” Would he be excited to meet a time-travelling version of his
grandparents? Well, okay, Dirk didn't know his grandparents. His bro, then?
Maybe. It'd definitely be weird as fuck, though. What did Jake even talk about
with Jade? Wouldn't it be really awkward at times? He guessed it was different
for him, though – a young version of Jake's grandma would be pretty different
to the older version, whereas Dirk's bro wasn't too far off him in terms of
age.
“You still don't believe me?”
Dirk shrugged. “No. It all seems pretty intricate, though, this whole thing the
girl's come up with, so there must be something behind it. Not time-travel, but
something.”
“But isn't that really boring! We have a prime opportunity to believe in this
right here, we're practically being begged to, and you can just ignore all
that?” Jake whined; at least, his earlier bad mood seemed to have disappeared.
“Things like this always turn out to be real, anyway!”
“In movies, yeah. Pretty sure the opposite's true in real life.” Dirk sighed,
getting up to restart the game; Jake didn't say a word, clearly uncaring either
way. “You really do need to be more like Jane sometimes-”
Jake groaned loudly, suddenly. Dirk raised an eyebrow, slowly turning around.
Welp, there was that bad mood back. Dirk really wasn't doing very well this
afternoon, was he? Or at all. Fuck.
Jake pursed his lips. “Yes, yes, yes, I know, I need to be more like Jane, blah
blah blah.”
“...uh.”
“Heard that before.”
Dirk hesitated, tracing his finger around the power button unconsciously.
“Since when does that bother you?”
“Since now? I guess? Whatever.”
Jake was looking away. Dirk stared at him head-on. Seriously, what the fuck was
going on? Why was Jake being so touchy this week? Was it just the fact that
they were together so much? That they were cooped up together? He'd always
thought that since Jake was alone so much, he'd be really glad to be around
someone else for a while, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Jake enjoyed being on
his own and was feeling frustrated that Dirk wasn't giving him space. That
seemed contrary to Dirk's mental map of Jake, but it made less of a dent into
it than any other explanation he could come up with, so it was a real
possibility.
Somehow, it felt like Jake was upsetting that mental map a lot lately.
He chose his words carefully. “You do know I say the same thing to Jane, right?
That she should be more like you?”
Jake blinked, and then he turned to Dirk. “Wait – really?”
“You didn't know that?”
Jake sighed. “How would I know that? Seriously, Dirk.”
Well, okay. Now Dirk felt a bit silly. He guess he'd never really thought about
it before. It wasn't as thought Jake had ever seemed to be bothered by it.
Maybe he'd been hiding that all this time? Fuck, that was not a good thought.
What else might Dirk be doing that bothered Jake that he didn't know about?
No no no no. He was going to stop that train of thought this instant. He shook
his head.
“Well. That's different, I guess,” Jake said, scratching his nose.
“Really?” Dirk frowned. Did Jake really think he thought Jane was better than
him? Shit. Had he misjudged the balance here? Had he been leaning too much
towards hiding his affection for Jake and accidentally come across cold? “You
are my best bro, after all.”
Jake shook his head, smiling all of a sudden. “No, yes, obviously I know that!”
Dirk nodded, but inwardly remained unconvinced. Why else would it bother Jake
to hear that? He got up again, sitting on the couch and restarting the game.
He'd just have to be a bit more demonstrative, that was all.
He glanced at Jake. Stumbling just for a moment, the gears began to turn again.
Yes, he just needed to think about it, just needed to assess the situation and
reposition his frame and figure out how to respond to this. Simple. Just what
he'd been doing all along, only a bit more.
Fuck he wished Jake would hurry up and kiss him again.
*
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began bothering timaeusTestified [TT] at 16:15
GG: Hello there!
GG: How are things on the merry island of mateship?
TT: Pretty good.
GG: That doesn't sound very enthusiastic!
TT: Fine, you got me.
TT: It's completely amazing. A veritable feast for the senses.
TT: All of the senses. All of them.
TT: I was merely attempting to spare your precious feelings.
GG: Hoo hoo, I gathered as much already!
TT: Oh yeah, forgot to mention last time, but Jake has a task for you.
GG: Really?
TT: Yeah. Remember that movie we were making?
TT: He wants you and Roxy to film some stuff as well and send it to him, So you
two are involved in it as well.
GG: I see!
GG: What are we meant to be filming ourselves doing, though?
TT: He has some ideas which he said he'd email to you,
TT: But mostly he just seems to want you to film whatever you think might be
useful.
GG: Hrm. That's not terribly helpful!
GG: So I can just film anything?
TT: Anything at all.
GG: Hmmmm.
GG: I guess I could film myself going around in one of my disguises?
GG: Maybe searching for clues or whatnot?
GG: Would that fit into whatever strange conception of plot he has in mind?
TT: That sounds perfect.
GG: Great! :B
GG: …
TT: What?
GG: Oh, it's nothing.
TT: Seriously, what is it?
GG: Well...
GG: Actually...
GG: Could I ask for some advice about something?
TT: Of course.
GG: Well,
GG: I'm sure you've heard about everything going on between Roxy and her mom.
TT: Yeah, she told me about it yesterday.
GG: About how she sneaked out and all?
GG: To go to this club?
TT: Yeah.
GG: And you're okay with that?
TT: What do you mean?
GG: It's just...
GG: I don't know! I don't want to be all nosy and seem like her nanna or
anything.
GG: But I just really worry about her sometimes, you know?
GG: And honestly, I think her mom had kind of a point in this situation!
TT: Roxy seems to think it's just that she's worried Roxy will cause a scene
and ruin her reputation.
GG: I know. But I don't really see it that way.
GG: She complains about a bunch, but she obviously loves her a whole lot.
GG: And I'm sure her mom really cares about her as well.
TT: Couldn't the same be said about your dad?
GG: What do you mean?
TT: You complain about him a lot as well. But he's only trying to help you out.
TT: Especially, you know.
TT: Given the whole assassination thing.
TT: That sort of thing tends to make parents worry just a little, in my
experience.
TT: Of which I have none.
GG: Hmmm.
GG: I guess I never thought about it like that!
GG: But the point is that I don't really know how to say any of this to her,
you know?
TT: What are you so worried about?
GG: Roxy's just a young girl! Who knows what could happen to her in a club or
whatever!
GG: Apart from the fact that it's really illegal!
GG: Sometimes it's like she doesn't even...I don't know.
TT: What?
GG: It's like she doesn't value herself. She just goes out and does such self-
destructive stuff.
GG: I just worry.
GG: So what do you think?
TT: I understand where you're coming from.
TT: And I think you have a right to worry about this.
TT: But I think it's a little quick to judge Roxy as not 'valuing herself' just
because she doesn't value the same things you do.
GG: But she could get hurt!
TT: Just the other day you were talking about possibly sneaking away from the
drones to hang out with us,
TT: Even though you knew you could very well be hurt or even killed doing that.
TT: You even made a passionate speech about how life isn't worth living if you
can't take a risk now and then to do something you enjoy.
TT: Isn't that pretty much the same thing?
GG: …
GG: I guess so.
TT: If you really are worried, though, I think you should tell her.
GG: But how?
TT: Don't just try to tell her what to do.
TT: Tell her you worry about her and that you'd prefer it if she was safer.
TT: Be prepared for her to say the same shit back to you, though.
GG: Hm.
GG: I have to say that this does all make a lot of sense!
GG: I'll definitely have to think about all of this!
TT: Cool.
GG: Thanks a lot for all this, by the way!
GG: I don't know what I'd do without you!
TT: I'm sure you'd be fine.
GG: No, really!
GG: It's not like I could exactly talk to Roxy about all this.
GG: I tried to ask Jake about it all, but he just said that she'd be fine and
that if I was really worried I could always say something.
GG: I mean he was very optimistic and that's great and all, but I was rather
looking for advice!
TT: No problem.
GG: It's just really good to know that we can talk to each other about these
things, you know?
GG: That we don't always have to hide behind secrets and stuff.
GG: I guess it just makes me feel a little bad at times having to keep things
from Roxy!
GG: You know what I mean?
TT: I guess.
GG: Well, that's what I wanted to say so I guess I'll talk to Roxy now!
TT: Wait.
GG: What?
TT: …
TT: I think it's my turn to say something.
GG: What do you mean?
TT: I haven't really entirely been honest with you, either.
GG: What do you mean?
GG: Oh, no! I didn't mean to make you feel bad!
GG: If you don't want to tell me something, that's ok!
TT: It's fine.
TT: It's about time, anyway.
GG: So what's going on?
GG: Is something wrong?
TT: Not really.
GG: That doesn't sound terribly positive.
TT: Guess not.
TT: It's sort of a complicated situation that doesn't lend well to shortened
summarizations of the sort required in pesterchum conversations.
TT: There are a lot of factors involved that I couldn't even begin to list
here, or even fully cognize myself.
GG: Um, ok.
TT: But I guess to start at the beginning of it all,
TT: I like Jake.
GG: ...uh, I know!
TT: What? Really?
GG: Well, duh! It's not like we aren't all friends or anything!
TT: That's not what I meant.
GG: …I don't think I understand!
TT: I think you do.
GG: …
GG: Wait.
GG: You don't mean like...
TT: Yes.
GG: Oh.
GG: Oh!
GG: I see.
GG: Sorry! I didn't mean to act all weird or anything, haha!
TT: It's fine.
TT: That's an understandable response.
GG: Haha.
GG: I guess this is just pretty unexpected!
GG: So this is the problem, then?
GG: It is a pickle, I'll admit...
TT: What do you mean?
GG: Huh?
TT: …
GG: …
GG: ...you are saying that you like Jake, um, romantically, right?
TT: Yes.
GG: Well.
GG: It's not like Jake...
GG: Well I guess I don't know for sure, but.
TT: You think he's straight?
GG: Well, yeah!
GG: Do you not think so?
TT: I think I have a good reason to doubt that idea, yeah.
GG: Really?
GG: What reason?
TT: Well...
TT: We have sort of kissed several times already.
GG: oh.
GG: Really?
GG: Huh.
TT: That is rather the crux of the issue.
GG: I see!
GG: That certainly is.
GG: Hm.
TT: I know, it surprised me a lot, too.
TT: I'm still working through my thoughts on the entire thing.
TT: Jake is being uncharacteristically mysterious about it.
TT: I honestly have no idea how to react.
GG: …
GG: What do you mean?
TT: It all started on the first night when he asked whether I'd kissed a guy
before.
TT: So theoretically the whole thing goes down to a simple case of teenage
experimentation.
TT: Other actions he's taken have cast some doubt on this frame of reference,
however.
TT: It would take too long to list them all here, though,
TT: And even deciding which are relevant and which can be easily explained away
is not an easy process.
GG: Oh.
GG: Hm!
GG: That really is a pickle, then!
TT: The situation is roughly comparable with that of a preserved vegetable,
yes.
GG: Haha!
GG: Yes!
GG: Oh!
GG: You know, now that I think about it, I think it'd be best if I talked to
Roxy now, while I'm still thinking about all of this.
GG: And have your advice fresh in my mind and all.
TT: That sounds like a good idea.
TT: Before you go, though,
TT: I'd like to reiterate the points you made earlier.
TT: Regarding the pleasantness of having someone to talk to about this.
GG: Well, that's just me, I guess!
GG: Friendly Jane helping out her friends!
TT: Because it really is.
GG: Haha!
GG: Me too, old chum!
GG: Well, I guess I'll get going, then!
TT: I'll talk to you later.
GG: Keep me updated!
GG: Haha!
TT: Will do.
GG: Whee!
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
*
That had been weird.
Or had it? Jesus, he had no idea anymore. Was he just getting really over
paranoid? He was sitting here obsessing about how strangely Jake was acting,
and now it seemed like Jane was acting odd as well. Was there some kind of
disease going around or something?
Or maybe the whole thing did bother her more than she would like to admit.
It was a depressing thought, but one Dirk had to admit he couldn't entirely
dismiss. Jane was a wonderful friend, and he was sure she'd never hurt him
intentionally, but... But.
It was surprising how much it did hurt. He always had Roxy, obviously, and
Jake, but he wanted Jane as well. It wasn't like he could just run through his
address book and pick a new friend out. Roxy, Jake, and Jane were kind of it.
Maybe years ago he'd felt satisfied with just three friends, but not now after
they'd all been through so much. They were meant to be together, right?
He hated feeling like that. Open. He knew telling people secrets was supposed
to make you feel better, but it always just ended up making him feel weird and
vulnerable, like he'd given up something that made him him and in doing so
reduced the core of his identity. When he was the only one who knew it, he
could guard it carefully, like a dragon with a precious gem. The day he'd told
Roxy about everything he'd had to stay away from pesterchum for days because
everything just felt too...transparent.
He'd thought there shouldn't be any problem with telling Jane. Hell, he'd
actually been feeling guilty for keeping it from her for so long given that she
had always been so honest with him. Maybe he was wrong.
All of a sudden, it was like his first day on this island again – everything
felt too real, too vibrant. All he wanted to do was sit in an unobtrusive chair
and go on the internet for a while, immersing himself in a world of colorless
words. He almost considered deliberately eschewing his and Jake's nightly
session – god knew what that would feel like in his current state. But then
Jake might get the wrong idea and he couldn't risk that.
But as time went on and he unthinkingly browsed TV Tropes (all those current
pop-culture references didn't come from nowhere; he was devoted to the art, and
as with any skill it required regular research) the jitters didn't stop. He
felt restless, flexing his fingers and bouncing his feet. In any other
situation, he'd just distract himself for a while, maybe play a little Touhou
(he always played better when he was stressed), but he had the sneaking
suspicion that wouldn't work this time.
He turned the screen off, looking around for Jake. He was sitting over on his
bed, doing something on the helmet – from his concentrating posture and the
movements of his hands, probably working on the movie.
Dirk didn't even bother to move them to the couch. Instead he sat down next to
Jake, tapping the helmet.
“Oi! That's loud!”
Dirk raised an eyebrow. Jake looked surprised, but dutifully took it off,
smiling at him.
Immediately he leaned forward to kiss him, eyes clenching shut. It seemed this
was the only way to do it – if he wanted to stop thinking for a while, he had
to kiss Jake. There were worse ways.
At first Jake responded as usual, sliding his hands around Dirk, but as Dirk
pushed forward more aggressively than normal their glasses began to clack
uncomfortably and Jake pulled away.
His hands came up, hovering at Dirk's cheeks. “Er, can I...?” Dirk nodded, and
Jake slipped the shades off carefully. He held them in his lap, looking down at
them with an indecipherable expression.
“What is it?”
Jake looked up, smiling a little, and shook his head. “Sorry, it's just... It
means a lot.”
Dirk frowned. What? What was he talking about?
“Just,” Jake began to explain, “I know you don't really like other people
seeing you without your glasses, like your eyes and all. So I...well. I guess I
like that you feel okay doing that with me.”
What the fucking hell was he on about? Dirk stared at Jake, expression blank.
He had no problem with showing people his eyes. They were kinda weird, yeah,
but considering a puppet your friend was at least as weird and he had no
problem with people knowing that. Sure, he wore his shades a lot, but that was
because they looked badass and as a gesture of ironic affection towards his
bro.
“I guess I like that you let me see you, I mean.”
Dirk opened his mouth and closed it. Jake's expression was no longer
unintelligible – now, it was all too clear. He just looked so genuinely touched
by the action, his eyes shining with affection, that any objections died on
Dirk's tongue.
“All right.” He picked the shades up, standing up to put them on the bedside
table.
“Hm?”
“All right. I'll keep them off. If it's you I don't mind.”
Jake brightened nigh instantaneously. Holy shit. Dirk turned away, putting the
shades down, unable to even look at Jake when he was gazing at him like that.
That small kernel of guilt that had been present in the bottom of the stomach
ever since he first agreed to this arrangement blossomed forth again like some
ugly, brightly-colored flower.
But was it that bad? He did mean everything he said. And it wasn't like he
wouldn't be prepared to do that with Jake even if it did mean a lot to him that
people not see his eyes. The intent was there. And he was feeling open enough
right now already. Having this way of showing Jake he cared without having to
make everything worse was a good thing, right? Plus, he needed to prove to Jake
that he really did care about him as a friend. If he stopped now, he'd only be
confirming Jake's suspicions.
Then they were kissing again and Dirk closed his eyes. It was fine. Everything
was fine. As long as they were like this, anyway.
***** Day Five *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks again to anyone who commented or gave kudos, or even just read
     the previous chapters! It really means a lot to me! :)
     And, well...I think it's about time we earned that rating up there,
     don't you? I thought so.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Another morning, and once again Dirk found himself sitting in bed trying
valiantly to wake himself up while Jake rushed about, getting ready for some
grand adventure he had planned.
“Oh! We should bring this as well – oh, and these, definitely -”
“No pumpkin.”
“What?”
“For lunch. And breakfast. No more pumpkin. Not today, and not the next two
days either.”
“Really? Wow, it'll be weird to go without it for so long... Don't think I've
not eaten pumpkin for three days since grandma was alive!”
“You and Jane should meet up. You have too many pumpkins, she doesn't have
enough. It's a match made in heaven. Pumpkin heaven.”
“Aren't you up yet?”
After some time (more time than Jake would like, as usual), they were finally
off, making their way through the house and out the door.
“Dgahh- Jesus.” Dirk held his head in his hands, flinching bodily.
“What? What's wrong?!” Jake hovered at his shoulder, almost humming with
anticipation.
“Fucking jesus dick,” Dirk muttered, rubbing his eyes. Was this what light
looked like?! Fucking shitface. Ok, maybe he had been wearing his shades for
too long.
It took Jake a few seconds to get it. He chuckled in relief. “Oh, uh, you can
wear your shades again if you like.”
“Dicking crap.” Dirk marched back into the house, Jake tailing behind him
apologetically.
Some time later (jesus christ but this house was huge) they found themselves
outside again, this time much less painfully.
Dirk could already see the ocean in front of them – it was kind of hard not to,
given that it surrounded pretty much everything. But as they travelled down the
hill and reached the grasslands below, Jake turned away from the nearest
coastline, directing them towards the jungle.
“Dude, the beach is right there.”
“Nope, not that one! We're going somewhere else! It's a lot better, I promise!”
Dirk hefted his bag more comfortably onto his shoulder, shrugging. Sure, why
not?
They passed through the forest easily enough. Jake seemed to know exactly where
he was going, though if he was following a path Dirk couldn't see it. He
wondered if this was a place Jake went often. For a moment he felt a tingle of
pleasure at the idea of Jake showing him some place important to him that no-
one else other than his grandma had ever seen before, but then he immediately
felt silly. Of course no-one had ever seen it before – he was probably the
first person other than Jake or his grandma to visit this island in years.
Which...ok, yeah, was still pretty special, really. Dirk allowed himself a
small smile. Now and then, when he and Jake disagreed or didn't understand each
other properly, it was all too easy to forget how important Dirk really was to
Jake, and vice versa. Little things like Dirk sometimes doing something
annoying weren't going to stop that. It was nice.
“No problem with animals this time?”
Jake shook his head. “Nope. Around here at this time of the day we should be
fine. They're usually pretty quiet around this season, anyway.” His voice was
light, casual; Dirk relaxed.
“You seem to know a lot about them.”
“Only what I need to know to survive. My grandma was more interested in them.
Used to study them, actually.”
“Seems like she studied a lot of things.”
“That she did. She was world-famous, she was!”
“Still is. I've heard about her in textbooks.”
“Really?” Jake's eyes glittered with pride; Dirk felt a little guilty he
couldn't summon up the same unthinking admiration for his bro. It was a pretty
different situation, though. And his bro was pretty cool, it was just that it
was a lot harder to have such a simple impression of him when Dirk was given
daily proof of what a dork if not outright dick he could be at times.
Jake pushed through a few more bushes, hopping down a couple of rocks. “And
here we are!”
If he hadn't known better, Dirk honestly would have thought it was a photoshop,
or maybe a place artificially designed by some resort owner or something.
Before them was a small glade, a semi-circle of shallow, transparent water
lapping gently at snow-white sand. Tall trees and ferns ringed the space,
almost totally covering the area like a makeshift roof, keeping the worst of
the sun's glare off. Before them, the water slowly deepened and broadened into
the impossibly wide expanse that was the pacific ocean.
Dirk raised his eyebrows. It...actually looked quite beautiful.
And Jake had made it clear that he was deliberately taking them both there.
But even as he thought this Jake was already walking forward, splashing loudly
into the water. Dirk stared, Jake's loud voice so jarring against the calm
backdrop that for half a second he wondered whether he was doing it on purpose.
Obviously Jake hadn't thought about that – it was just that the place looked
cool and he wanted to show it to Dirk.
Still. It would be like Jake, wouldn't it? He did have that romantic streak...
“Come in! Oh, wait-” Jake turned around again, dripping distractingly. “Forgot
to mention – you should put on sunblock again.”
Dirk frowned, falling back into the present with an almost audible 'thump'.
“Uh, it's totally shady.”
“Not completely! Probably just doing it the once will be fine.”
Dirk sat down grumpily as Jake left the water and crouched down to search
through his bag. “Since when do you care so much about this shit? Do badasses
care if they get a little burnt?”
“The sun can do a lot of damage! Skin cancer is actually a really big problem
around this part of the world, especially for people as white as you.” Know-it-
all Jake was not a good look. Dirk didn't like it.
“Let me guess, your grandma taught you?”
“I can't help it if you don't think of these things,” Jake said with a really
astounding amount of not so latent smugness, none of which helped Dirk's pride.
He grabbed the bottle off him.
“Fine.”
He squirted out some of the liquid, rubbing it over his arms. For a moment he
had a fleeting thought of making it seductive somehow, but discarded the idea
before it has even fully formed. He hadn't gotten any further than his
shoulders when suddenly Jake was behind him.
“Here, I'll help-” Jake took the bottle, putting some into his hands and
placing them right onto Dirk's back.
Dirk paused, sunscreen dripping slowly from his hands as Jake moved his hands
over his skin, rubbing the stuff into him and just generally being sort of
wonderful. Was this meant to be some sort of apology for bringing it up? A way
to make it less annoying? At any rate, it was working, that was for sure.
Or he was...no. Shit, he was really biased today, wasn't he? Jake was acting
weird, maybe, but Jake had been acting weird all week. That wasn't anything
new.
When Jake finally moved away (just a little after what might have been expected
from anyone else in his position) Dirk hurried to finish covering the rest of
his skin, saving his face for last. He removed his shades, blinking the the
shadowy light, and put them to one side, putting the sunscreen over his cheeks.
Jake was watching him.
“What?”
Dirk finished, his hands dropping to his lap. Jake leaned forward; Dirk
flinched. Then Jake rubbed at his forehead.
“Um, it wasn't rubbed in properly.”
Dirk nodded. “Right.”
Was it just him or...fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Was this happening again? Maybe it
was nothing at all. Maybe Jake was just being a friend, and because Dirk was
incapable of not seeing sexual tension in these things, he misattributed it to
Jake as well. A fact which was not at all helped by the fact that they were
both shirtless, or that Jake was now splashing around in the water again,
soaking wet.
But when he thought about it, that was kind of silly. Obviously Jake wasn't
totally unattracted to him – he did seem to enjoy making out enough. It was
pretty unlikely he was totally straight (or asexual or whatever) at this stage.
So it really was sexual tension after all, probably, and nothing more. Somehow,
that knowledge didn't make Dirk feel any better.
“Are you going to come in or not?”
Dirk folded his arms, settling himself in the sand. “Maybe I'm happy right
here.”
“Maybe you're missing the entire point of going to the beach!”
“Maybe beaches are composed of two parts, the ocean or some other large body of
water, and the coastline, typically but not always sand, so-”
Jake hurtled towards him, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him. Dirk kicked
out at him, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him away; in the process, both
fell to the side. A scuffle ensued, one which did not stop when both boys
inevitably rolled into the water, seawater splashing every which way and sand
getting even into places it was physically impossible for it to be in.
Finally, Jake pinned Dirk into the shallows, water lapping just below his ear,
Jake straddling his legs.
Jake grinned. “Got you.”
Dirk raised and eyebrow challengingly and – fuck. He tried to flashstep away,
but realised a moment later that it was impossible – speed wasn't going to help
him escape from Jake's arms. And they were very strong. His stomach sank.
Jake's grin widened. “Something wrong, there?”
“Nothing at all.”
“Because it looks awfully like I just won, here.”
Dirk narrowed his eyes. “Won what, exactly?”
It should be illegal for a person to radiate so much smugness in a single day.
Then again, Jake would probably only break the law anyway, the douche. “Our
duel.”
“Our-” Dirk snorted. “This? This was not a duel.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I thought you said no holding back. Which, point of fact? I was.”
“Sure you were. You can't escape now, can you? What would be any different
normally?”
“If I weren't holding back I wouldn't be in this position to begin with.”
Jake cleared his throat loudly and Dirk rolled his eyes, ease returning.
Jake leaned forward slightly, tightening his grip; the ease disappeared and
Dirk tensed.
“Seriously, can you stop that?” he said irritably.
“Why?”
“Just-” Dirk struggled, feeling more annoyed the more he was unable to move.
Now that he'd tried to free himself and been unable he couldn't not think about
it anymore. “Don't.”
For a moment it looked like Jake was going to assume this was another challenge
and refuse, but something in Dirk's expression must have convinced him
otherwise and he backed off.
Dirk immediately sat up, shuffling over and wincing at the feeling of sand
where sand should not be. Jake sat next to him, pouting into the distance.
Shit. Everything had been going so well, and now he'd had to be all stupid and
moody and ruin it. He frowned, unconsciously curling in over himself a little.
Well, it was only a matter of time, anyway.
“What is it?”
Very little time at all, in fact. “What?” he said warily.
“It. Or – they? I don't know. Just this week I've felt like sometimes you've –
I've said something to offend you.”
At first Dirk remained on guard, carefully wondering how he'd talk his way out
of this one. But at Jake's last phrase, all of these thoughts melted away. Of
course Jake would have to make it about himself and make Dirk feel bad. Fuck
him. Just fuck him.
He wanted to help Jake. He wanted to protect him. He wanted Jake to look up to
him. And then he had to go and fall for him and be all stupid and awkward and
weird.
Dirk sighed, leaning back on his hands and looking out at the ocean. What a
paradox – simultaneously so free and open, and yet reigning them in and
barricading them together. There was no getting out of this one, was there?
Well, there was – it didn't take him too long to think of ways out of it.
But... maybe he should just do it. Make up for lying to him about his shades
the night before. It was just something stupid and small, anyway.
“You haven't said anything to offend me.”
“Then make you feel bad. Something,” Jake insisted.
“It's nothing.”
“Would it help if I rephrased it? You're making me feel bad by not telling me.
Feel guilty.”
“...all right, I have to admit, that does sound manipulative.”
“Is it working?”
“No.” But Dirk dug his hands into the sand. Even his token resistance
disappeared. “Look, it's -” He paused, but Jake was silent. Dirk breathed out.
“I know I'm not like you, all right? I just don't like being reminded of that.”
He spoke slowly, but it was easier than he expected. Maybe because he'd already
done something like this yesterday? Jake was actually a pretty easy person to
talk seriously to.
Though he could only see him out of the corner of his eye, Dirk was absolutely
certain that Jake actually did a double-take. Dirk allowed himself a moment to
feel smug. Even completely misapplied smugness was legitimate – that was the
value of smugness.
“What on earth are you talking about, Strider?”
“I'm not...” Jesus, this was stupid. But Jake was still giving him those eyes
and fuck it, the only reason not to just keep talking at this point was
cowardice. He breathed out. “All...strong. And, you know. Built, attractive.
I'm just kinda scrawny. Pale. That's it.” And I know you think I'm a girl for
caring about that at all. Which is stupid and sexist because there's nothing
wrong with being a girl, but I'm not. And I do.
Jake was still staring at him incredulously; Dirk frowned, defenses rising.
“So?”
Jake furrowed his brow, but his gaze was no less intense. He seemed to be
thinking carefully, but what finally came out was “You think I'm attractive?”
Dirk stared at him. It was almost comforting, in way, to know that even in as
charged situations like these Jake English would never stop being an idiot.
“I mean – well, yes, obviously.” Jake adjusted his glasses. “Just – this is all
a bit difficult to understand for me!”
“Obviously.”
“No, not-” Jake pursed his lips. “Don't – you don't get to look at me like
that, all dubiously, and then act surprised when I say that I find you
attractive as well.”
...ok. Well. He'd admit a point just this once.
“Just-” Jake chuckled. “I don't think there's any reason to worry there.
Especially on that strength business – it's not like just yesterday I wasn't
beating myself up over that exact thing. And it's not like you couldn't talk
circles around me.”
Dirk listened.
“And, well, I'm hardly perfect either!”
Dirk gave him the look again. (Later he would regret this. What was he trying
to say there – 'like shit you're not perfect?' Idiot.)
“It's true! I can't do half of what you can. And – well, I look kind of weird
as well.”
“How exactly?”
Jake coughed, and Dirk couldn't tell whether it sounded annoyed or amused.
“Well, just – my skin is so dark and all, and...” he gestured vaguely.
It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. “...you cannot
seriously be telling me you look imperfect based on – your race.”
“No, of course not!” Jake said quickly, waving his hands. “I mean, obviously
that's stupid and all, and – we're behind all that.”
“You think so? Because I would disagree there.” Dirk looked over him. It wasn't
like he wasn't aware that Jake was Asian, nor the same for Jane. He had made a
conscious effort to deal with it right – neither of them seemed to made a deal
about it at all, so Dirk had followed their lead and never really brought it
up. But over the years, it had drifted further and further from a conscious
thought, especially given that nearly 100% of their conversations took place
over pesterchum. Meeting up with him in person had brought that up again, but
at this point Dirk was so busy thinking about things and talking to Jake and
not acting weird and everything else that he just didn't notice it at all.
Now that he thought about it, he didn't even know where Jake was from,
originally. South east Asia, probably, but where? Shit, was that bad? His
grandma had looked paler, but maybe that was just because she was dead? Come to
think of it, she'd looked a bit like Jane, really. Oh god – was he being the
most racist person ever?? He was just going to not think that anymore ever.
“Really?” Jake asked seriously.
Dirk shook his head at himself. “No, don't just agree with me. You can think
what you want.”
Jake bit his lip. “I'm not sure. I rather suspect you'd know more than me
here.”
“I'd know more how you feel? Because that's the important thing.”
Jake looked at him properly. He really was beautiful. He was silent, looking
thoughtful.
Dirk looked away. The conversation was over, right? It was definitely over. “So
are we gonna do this beach shit? Or just sit around talking all day?”
“Oh, right.” Jake moved away again; had they drifted closer? He actually looked
a little relieved. Dirk didn't blame him – that was more than enough serious
conversation for one day. The creeping feeling of vulnerability had overtaken
him again but showing it would only make him feel worse. The best thing to do
right now would just be to shake it off and pretend nothing was wrong. “Like
I'm not going to do that anyway!”
“Silly me, of course you are.”
“Let's make a sandcastle!”
“A what? Jesus, what are we, six?”
“Come on, it's fun!” Jake raised himself onto his knees, shuffling back and
digging into the sand. “You make a tower, I'll get started on the moat!”
Reluctantly, Dirk did as ordered, though not without complaints. But as usual,
Jake had a habit of turning even the stupidest ideas into something that might
actually have been a bit fun, and the time seemed to fly by.
“And here's the secret room with the treasure!”
“Pretty big secret room. Don't people ever wonder what's in it? Like, every
single fucking day they walk past this building, and not one of them ever stops
to think 'oh shit, maybe there's something fucking in there'?”
“It's booby trapped. People try to get in, they get shot.”
“Ok, so now people definitely know there's something in there. Not gonna
protect nothing. So now they're only going to try harder.”
“Impossible. The security's too tight – no-one can get in.”
“Except a certain devil-may-care adventurer with undoubtedly chiselled abs,
right?”
“And his stylishly handsome partner in crime, yes!”
“Who is presently waiting around outside bitching about having better things to
do.”
“And is being told that that is impossible because there is never a better
thing to do than adventure!”
As Dirk pounded the painfully soft sand into something resembling a wall, he
was reminded of the castlegrounds he'd seen in the game so far. How would Jake
react to all of that? Excitement, no doubt. Would probably spend hours
exploring over the entire moon and talking to people. Damn lucky Prospit
dreamers.
He wondered whether it was possible for a Derse dreamer to see Prospit. He
thought he'd like to see it.
Eventually Jake decided they'd spent enough time working on the castle and
announced his desire to catch a fish. No amount of ridicule or criticism on
Dirk's part could talk him out of it, and before he knew otherwise Dirk was
lying down next to a partially-complete but clearly enthusiastically-made
sandcastle watching Jake standing knee-deep in seawater bending over in some
fruitless search.
Dirk leaned back, resting his head on his arm against the sand and closing his
eyes. There was something very pleasant about all of this – the feel of the
warm sand against his skin, the soft sound of the wind in the trees and Jake
splashing around, the smells of the nearby jungle. The warmth seemed to enclose
them, as though the whole world had shrunk to this small clearing.
Not only that – it was a very physical pleasure. A sensual one. He opened one
eye, propping up just enough to watch Jake. There was a fantastic life in him
that Dirk honestly thought couldn't quite be captured by anyone else. He pulsed
with energy and movement and excitement, water droplets trailing down his chest
firm from work and still riddled with the scars of yesterday. (Now that Dirk
thought about it, he really shouldn't be getting sand or seawater into those.
Wasn't it stinging? Was he really that tough? He seemed fine, though, Dirk
couldn't bring himself to care too much right now.) His voice was loud and
forceful, with a lack of self-consciousness or uncertainty. His movements were
sure, even as he swiped vainly at the water.
Jake was a very physical person. That was a really kind of wonderful thing.
Dirk was more of a mental person. That was also a wonderful thing. Where Jake
had his open house and the surrounding jungle, Dirk had the man-made Texas City
and his concrete and metal apartment. Where Jake's surroundings were wild and
big, Dirk's were refined and controlled. Where Jake had the pounding heart and
beading sweat of life, Dirk had the cold steel and smooth coverings of his
robots. Where Jake opened his eyes to the multitudes of beautiful colors and
shapes before him, Dirk narrowed his vision to focus on one thing and one thing
entirely, flickering over words at such speeds that the meanings seemed to
spring into his mind without any physical movement at all. But maybe they
weren't quite so different. Just as Jake traversed far plains and plundered
abandoned dungeons that existed only in his imagination, so too did Dirk
explore the minutiae of the world, engaging with it on a level impossible to
comprehend in daily living. There was a beauty in the abstract, a perverse sort
of perfect order, a silver-coloured logic that always made sense eventually
when you thought about it hard enough. It was a celebration of reality, of the
world, no less real than when Jake would smile at a passing bird.
But emotions weren't abstract. They were real and physical and there. Emotions
made your breath quicken, your stomach turn into knots, your fists clench.
Emotions triggered real responses in the brain, fired this neuron rather than
that. Emotions even made you act – made you struggle to please and attempt to
ignore, made you smile and frown and laugh, made you run, made you stop, made
you grab, made you thrust.
Maybe it was necessary for as mental a person as Dirk to have as physical a
person as Jake as a partner. Certainly that physicality was necessary in these
matters.
He couldn't quite think of what that left him to give Jake, though, not in a
relationship like that. But then, hadn't Jake said he found him attractive?
“What are you thinking about?”
Dirk tried not to jump. “Huh?”
Jake smiled at him. He was kneeling beside him, looking down; water dripped
over Dirk's face and he shook it off. “You've just got that look on your face
you get when you're thinking.”
“Oh, nothing, really.”
“Is that possible? For you to think nothing, I mean.”
“I certainly can't while you keep blabbing on like that.”
Jake chuckled, lying down next to Dirk and looking up at the sky. Despite his
earlier assurances he remained silent, breathing deeply as he closed his eyes.
Dirk watched him. There were faint freckles over his cheeks and shoulders,
though not as obvious as Dirk's. There was stubble on his chin – clearly, he
didn't pay much attention to shaving. Actually, Jake had a lot of hair all over
him. And then there were his eyes, that mysterious green color – the exact same
shade as the text he used over pesterchum.
He was really sort of painfully attractive.
There really wasn't anything weird about this, was there? They'd been making
out for days. They'd already admitted to being attracted to each other. And in
the mild haze brought on by the atmosphere, Dirk was feeling unusually mellow.
He propped himself up a little and, hesitating just enough so Jake was aware of
what he was doing, kissed him.
It was a slow kiss, one for its own sake. Jake melted into it, moving his lips
almost luxuriously, as though Dirk were a particularly rich piece of chocolate.
Dirk leaned back a bit. A smile spread across Jake's face even as he failed to
open his eyes.
Jake let out a long breath. “I like it when you do that.”
This is really happening a lot today, Dirk thought, but the silence was nice
enough.
Jake chuckled. “And yes, I do know. But I mean, you kissing me.”
“...yeah, that's what I thought you meant,” he said quietly.
“I mean... you doing it, and not me.” He opened an eye, propping himself up
enough to speak to Dirk face to face. “You're not exactly the most...expressive
guy? So I like it when you can just say when you like things, and do them.
And...” He glanced away, just for a second, just enough. Shyly. “I suppose I
like it when I'm the thing you like, too.”
Dirk opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked away, but Jake was right in
front of him, so his gaze inevitably drifted back. His throat felt heavy.
“I...” he said, then paused, both emboldened and suddenly wary of the spark in
Jake's eyes. “I...like hearing that.”
Jake swallowed.
The next thing he knew, he was looking up at the treetops above him, heart
pounding. He sat up slowly, shaking.
No. Not like this.
He curled his fingers, then stretched them again. No. He couldn't. He still had
things... He still had things stopping him, things he needed to do. He couldn't
do it until he worked past those things. He knew that. So he couldn't do it.
Not yet.
Not yet.
“I guess we should probably eat, now,” Jake said behind him, and Dirk had never
been more thankful for English obliviousness. He shook his head, turning back.
“Sounds good,” he said.
*
The sky was turning a bright shade of pink, the shadows cast by the overhanging
trees fading more and more as the area grew darker. Dirk stretched, feeling his
muscles ache with satisfaction – he'd finally gone in for a swim after lunch
and it had actually been pretty fun. The air was growing cold, but Jake had
already shuffled to sit close beside him, which helped.
“We should probably go back soon.”
Jake shrugged. “If you want. But I know this place pretty well, so it's not
like we'll get lost or anything.”
“Even in pitch-black darkness?”
Jake raised an eyebrow. “Of course!”
“Right.” Dirk took a swig of water, watching the sky in front of them. The sun
was out of sight, of course, but this view was still pretty impressive. “The
wildlife?”
“Nothing to worry about. Er, a bunch of them are nocturnal, actually, but they
tend to be the herbivorous ones, for some reason.”
“Guess it's harder to hunt down prey at nighttime?”
“Maybe!” Jake leaned over, arm to Dirk's. “Actually – see that?”
Dirk looked where he was pointing. “What is it?”
“Bees.”
Dirk watched – a whole group of them, all pure white, crossed through the
jungle behind them. “Are they dangerous?”
“Not unless you go near their honey. Which is a shame, because it's really
delicious! Haven't had any since grandma died, though. Way too much work.”
“Huh. Why are they all white like that?”
Jake shrugged. “No idea. Think they all came from the same place – according to
grandma, their DNA is totally different to anything on earth, like they evolved
in a different place?”
“What do you mean, a different place? Like another planet?”
“Maybe! Or just some isolated place away from anywhere else, maybe. Like
Australia, only even more so?”
“So did they evolve here on this island, or...?”
“No, grandma found them on her travels and brought them here.”
Dirk stared. “But...you said that some of them are really dangerous.”
Jake smiled weakly. “Yeah, they are. I'm...honestly not really sure why grandma
brought so many of them like that! She was never really scared of them, though.
Didn't even like killing them.” Jake scratched his neck. “Kinda makes me feel a
bit bad, I guess!”
“Bad? Why?”
“Well... She was so good at handling them, even without fighting them, you
know? I'm still nowhere near her level!”
“Well yeah, she had a lot more experience than you, and was a lot older.”
Jake shrugged again. “Yeah. But she was still so fearless! Just...”
Dirk pushed away some of his hair, regretting it as soon as the sand caught. He
needed a shower so fucking badly. “I think there are situations when it's
pretty reasonable to be scared. And I'm pretty sure times when you are at a
real risk of serious injury would be counted under that.”
“I guess so.”
“Better to be scared than do something reckless and screw yourself over.”
Jake blinked for a full second, then chuckled. “Yeah, maybe.”
“So what do you think about the animals? Where did they come from?”
Jake leaned back on his hands. “Genetic experimentations. No other way they
could be so different otherwise. Probably grandma liberated them or something –
she was always doing stuff like that. Like I said, going on trips, getting into
adventures. She was a scientist, but she cared about animals first and
foremost.”
“You never asked?”
Jake chuckled. “Dirk, if I asked grandma about everything she did in her life
I'd never have stopped talking. She did pretty much everything! At the time, it
didn't feel weird – I just came along and we went places and saw people and
that was simply what we did! And then sometimes she went off on her own, but
then she came back and taught me whatever she learned and we went back to
normal. She could be kinda mysterious sometimes, though.”
“Huh.” The sky was growing dark and Dirk shivered. “Do you continue her
research?”
“No way, I don't understand a word of it. Well, she did try to teach me what
she could, but that was never really my area. Not really that type.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just... I'm not really cut out to all that sort of intellectual stuff like you
and Roxy?”
Dirk raised an eyebrow. “You're not stupid.”
Jake laughed. “That isn't at all what I said. But I can be kind of an idiot,
yeah.”
“What? No you can't.” Jake raised an eyebrow and Dirk frowned, genuinely
worried. Was this how Jake saw himself? “Well, okay, yeah, but so can anybody,
sometimes.”
“Like you?”
Dirk paused and Jake laughed. “Of course.”
“You totally had to think about that.”
“You can't think you're not smart, though. You know so much about all these
animals and this place even if you never studied it all. Just because you
didn't learn it from a book doesn't mean it's not knowledge. And you can quote
some of your movies line by line.”
“Really?” Jake said with a smile.
“Yeah. And solving puzzles and stuff as well. And it's like you said earlier –
I'm good at some things, yeah, but you're much better than me at all kinds of
things as well.”
“If you insist.”
“You-” Dirk stopped, realising abruptly that Jake was laughing at him. He
pursed his lips, unsure whether to feel embarrassed or pleased and compromised
by feeling both.
“No, no, go on! Tell me more.”
“You dick.” Dirk pushed him and Jake continued to chuckle, tilting over. “I was
trying to be your fucking bro, all right? Way to ruin it.”
“Oh shit.” Jake stopped, then laughed again, harder.
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Jake shook his head. “And you're a great bro.”
“Well, duh.” Dirk straightened.
Jake raised his fist, eyes still glittering with mirth. Dirk sighed, returning
the gesture.
Jake looked around. “Well, we probably should go now, then,” he said with
reluctance.
Dirk glanced at the sky – it was definitely nighttime by now. “Guess so.”
*
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 18:04
TG: hey
TT: Sup.
TG: so hows things?
TT: Good.
TT: What about you? How is it being grounded?
TG: hah
TG: nice ty
TG: *try
TG: now frr realz this time
TT: What do you mean?
TG: how r u
TG: dnt lie to me dirk ill b able to tell
TT: I don't know.
TG: still think he knows?
TT: Maybe.
TT: It's just so frustrating.
TT: Lately I feel like I can't understand anyone.
TG: neone?
TT: I talked to Jane yesterday.
TG: yeah I know
TG: she toldme
TT: What did she say?
TG: sorry
TG: I cnat tell you that
TT: I guess I understand.
TT: I did get the impression she wasn't taking it well.
TT: If she wanted to take a while to think through things that's reasonable.
TG: omfg dirk ur breaking my heart
TG: but I rly cant talk here so can we talk abuot smoething else pls?
TT: All right.
TG: so wats jake doin now?
TT: Just...
TT: He genuinely doesn't realise what he's doing, does he?
TT: I'm not even sure that this whole thing isn't just in my head.
TG: why whats going on?
TT: Nothing definite.
TT: Just...
TT: Fuck.
TG: so sorry baby
TG: if I could hugs u ovr the internet id so be doin that right now
TG: hug hug hug hug there you go
TG: (dirk striders huggsed to the max)
TT: I'm thinking of just going through with it already.
TG: wait
TG: like actually rly?
TT: Maybe.
TG: hmmmmmm
TG: thatd be good I guess
TT: Yeah.
TT: At least then I might actually be able to get a handle on this situation a
bit.
TG: so when?
TT: Probably not until Sunday.
TT: I'd rather keep the awkwardness to the minimum.
TG: so u think hell say no?
TT: I have no idea what the fuck to think.
TT: In that situation, expecting the worst seems smart.
TG: idk
TG: kind of a shaem though
TG: *shame
TG: and like
TG: kinda
TT: What?
TG: …....
TT: Cowardly.
TT: Weak.
TG: not that!
TG: just
TG: urgh IDK
TG: not bad
TG: just that th e AR is rly different
TT: Really? You've been talking?
TG: uh yeah
TG: havent u been readin the logs?
TG: too busy?
TT: He blocks me from reading them sometimes.
TT: I suspect he even deletes some entirely.
TG: omg
TG: y?
TT: It's perfectly understandable. He is his own incipient life form and is
entitled to some degree of privacy.
TT: It is worrying at times, though.
TG: haahahaha I bet
TG: lil brat
TT: So what does he have to say about all this?
TG: weird
TG: I wouldve thought hed tell you
TT: No, he hasn't contacted me in over a week.
TT: I haven't really been talking to him, either.
TG: y not?
TT: I don't know.
TT: Just haven't really felt like it.
TG: huh
TG: well he just said that youd be a lot more aggressive about this than u r
TT: 'Aggressive'?
TT: The fuck is he expecting me to do?
TG: not like that
TG: just like
TG: IDK persistent??
TT: Well, thanks for that.
TT: Glad to know you think my fucking computer program would handle this shit
better than I am.
TG: I didn't mean that!!
TG: just forget about it
TT: Maybe I was planning to be more like that.
TT: Maybe I've been planning something along those lines for a long time now.
TT: But Jake has single-handedly shaken up all of this shit,
TT: And it doesn't serve anyone to go bounding off in one direction without
thinking about it.
TT: It requires subtlety. Thought.
TG: I knoooooooow
TG: and I dont think its bad of you to be worried or whatever
TG: just that youve been planning this shit for a really long time now!
TG: actually how long has it even been?
TT: That's not important.
TG: omg
TG: that long huh?
TT: I already said that Jake has changed everything.
TT: I need to reconfigure the way I'm visualising this whole situation.
TG: so all that time before this was...
TT: Gathering data.
TT: Valuable data. Data I can still use now.
TG: omfg dirk
TG: sorry but im actaully lolzing for reals here
TT: I don't see why.
TG: dirk
TG: I didnt mean to say ne thing
TG: I was just cfinfused
TG: *confused
TG: I didnt realise how much ur AR n u had divergde
TG: just uuuurgh
TG: this whole sitation kinda sucks fr everyone
TT: I guess.
TG: IDK what u shouldl do
TT: I'm going to wait for now.
TT: The more information I can get right now, the better.
TG: ok
TG: fair enouggh
TT: I guess that means the AR and I have diverged more than you thought, but
perhaps that's actually a good thing.
TG: omg let it go
TT: Fine.
TT: Want to answer my first question, then?
TG: wat
TT: How have you been?
TG: o right lol
TG: eh cwell it sucks obvs
TG: buut guess I cnt complain 2 much
TG: still fgroundd but it was wrth it
TG: and i still have janey n u soooooo
TT: Jane hasn't said anything?
TG: huh
TG: bout what
TT: Hm, that's strange.
TT: Though I guess she might have been distracted.
TT: Right, you said you spoke to her about that other thing, didn't you?
TG: uhhhhh
TG: dirk i sed i cant talk
TT: I know.
TG: so like wats ths all abouthen
TT: Hmm.
TT: No, I probably shouldn't say anything.
TT: If she wants to say it, she will.
TG: ….....................
TG: wow
TG: tis is
TG: actually p annoyin
TT: What is?
TG: haha
TG: bein told u cant no stuff
TG: *now
TG: liiiiike its not liek i know evrthing but wow
TT: I guess so?
TG: but no
TG: ur right
TG: if she wants to sy she will
TT: Yeah.
TG: hmm well spk of t devil
TG: janeys mssging me now
TG: i should go tlk
TT: Go ahead.
TG: ttyl
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] became an idle chum!
*
Jake was nice. His skin felt nice against his hand. He smelled nice. When he
wriggled a little against Dirk, that was nice. When he made little snuffles and
grunts, that was nice, too.
One of Jake's thumbs was rubbing against Dirk's cheek. He leaned into it,
angling his head. Jake's other hand was around his back, fingers splayed over
the material of his t-shirt.
It was a little different this time – different angle, different feeling.
They'd been kissing on the bed again and then at some point he'd pushed Jake
over a bit and now he was lying on top of him. It felt good to touch him more
like this, to line up their bodies and let gravity push him towards Jake. One
of his hands was tangling through Jake's hair. He liked doing that, especially
when he rubbed his scalp and Jake did a really wonderful sort of shivering
gasping thing.
Sometimes he honestly thought he could just spend hours like this. Days. Jake's
hot breath and hot hands and hot body and everything Jake Jake Jake right here.
How he'd ever managed to go years without being able to even just touch his
shoulder or flick his hand away let alone kiss him like this was beyond him.
The island was always quiet, but nighttime anywhere inevitably seemed to create
that perfect sort of mood of quietness better than anything else, even in a big
city. If Dirk listened closely, he could hear the wind whistling through the
trees, soft birdcalls, maybe the occasional roar of a wild animal, the soft
pattering of the rain as it stopped and started and stopped again. If he
concentrated, he could feel the bristles at the back of Jake's neck, the soft
cotton of his shirt, the way his nose nuzzled against Dirk's.
Unfortunately, there were as always necessary downsides to remaining in the
same position for a long time, and Dirk's leg was starting to fall asleep. So,
he adjusted his body, moving it into a more comfortable position.
There was a sharp intake of breath. Dirk froze.
Obviously they'd thought about it. They were both teenage guys who were making
out in a house all on their own for a week. Of course they fucking thought
about it, and there was no way whatsoever they hadn't both been beating off
immediately after their sessions each night. Dirk had certainly thought about
it, and more times than he'd admit even to himself. But Jake had only asked
about kissing and he still wasn't sure what he was aiming for with all this and
honestly, even he had to admit it was maybe going a bit too far, and...
He'd only meant to shift himself. But the movement had been too precise and now
they had both stopped altogether and there was no way Jake hadn't interpreted
that as a deliberate invitation.
He could pull back and move away at this point. It'd probably be for the
better, too. Sure, the whole thing had been a bad idea, but he still possessed
some measure of self-restraint, right?
Right?
Hesitantly, Jake moved.
Dirk clenched his eyes shut. He dropped his head to rest by Jake's neck and
grabbed hold of his shirt. It felt really really really fucking good. Really
good. Enough to make him immediately wonder why on earth they hadn't been doing
this all along and honestly, his reasoning against it all went down to not
being sure if he wanted to, hadn't it? Well he wanted to right now so it was
ok. It. Fuck.
He moved back.
If kissing Jake was good, this was multitudes of better. A plethora of betters.
All the betters. All of them. It was kind of uncomfortable and his pants were
far too tight and the clothing separating them was maddening but he didn't
think he could handle it if they took any of it off. He was so hot; his whole
body felt pink and flushed. Unconsciously, he aligned his forearm with Jake's
bicep, clutching his shoulder, the skin contact making his hair prickle.
He dug his knees into the bed, feeling it rocking. He could hear it, too, if
below all the sounds Jake was making, and wasn't it just fucking right that
Jake would be incapable of being quiet? Every noise was like a stab through his
ear and his stomach was so clenched, sweat falling into his eyes. He bit his
lip and tried to swallow but even he couldn't help but moan when Jake ground up
against him like that, just like that, breaths forced out of him until he was
feeling lightheaded, or was that for another reason. Every time he moaned, Jake
moaned too, and that didn't fucking help at all.
“Oh yes, fuck, ahh-”
It was all just so weird and uncomfortable and embarrassing and overwhelming
but so so so good that he crushed his lips to Jake's, forcing him to stop.
Jake's hands kept moving, running over him and fuck did he have to be fucking
everywhere?!
It was building up in him and he didn't give a fuck if that was quick or slow
or if the entire world was about to be destroyed by a giant meteor or what,
because he was actually kind of shivering and he had no idea if he wanted this
all to keep going or stop right the fuck now.
Jake's hand made its way beneath his shirt and his fingertips ran up his spine.
“Ff-” He coughed and swallowed, his head pounding. Was this what sex was? It
was fucking insane and everyone who had ever done it was probably also crazy by
connection. Definitely. That was definitely a thing that was true.
He wondered what Jake looked like right now. Stupidly (stupid stupid dumb) he
made the mistake of actually opening his eyes and immediately regretted it.
Jake was lying against the mattress, head turned to the side, sweat covering
him, hair falling into his clenched shut eyes, gasping and babbling nonsense
and “Oh yes, Dirk, ahhfuck-”
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-
He collapsed forward, shaking. His head was hurting, possibly because his eyes
were squeezed so far shut he almost felt like he was pushing his eyeballs back
into his skull. What the fuck.
He breathed in and out.
“...um.”
Fuck. “Oh, shit, um”
“No, haha, just-”
Some shifting. Jake rocked upwards but even through clothing Dirk was sensitive
and jesus had he actually just come in his pants? That was so gross. Instead
Jake pushed a hand between them, shoving it unceremoniously into his pants.
Dirk, mouth dry, wanted to do something but his brain wasn't really working and
Jake was right there. And then Jake was biting his lip and groaning and Dirk's
toes curled a little, even then.
And then Jake was lying back, eyes closed, breathing heavily.
Dirk stared at him. Was he supposed to be doing something? Hah.
Jake wiped a hand over his face. “...gosh.”
Dirk made a very strange sort of simultaneous coughing and choking noise. “I
was thinking just the same thing, though in a different word.”
Jake breathed out. “Fuck.”
“That's the one.”
Jake paused, then moved his hand enough to look up at Dirk with one eye. “You
gonna go to sleep then?”
Dirk opened his mouth to agree then winced. “I might get changed first. Don't
you-”
“Tired.”
“...seriously? You're going to regret it.”
Jake shrugged.
“...and you complain about me in the mornings.”
“Because mornings are for being awake. Nighttimes are for sleeping. Which I'm
about to do.”
“Fine, fine.” Gingerly, he got up, retrieving a different pair of pants from
his bag. He threw a glance at Jake – he wasn't even looking and it felt absurd
to act prudish at this point, but it felt weirder to take any more steps
forward now, so he walked downstairs to get changed.
His skin was prickling as he changed; everything felt too cool, the light
bouncing off the white tiles of the bathroom too bright. His breathing was
heavy and he listened to it with sluggish attention. The rain was falling
harder now, muffled here. It could be heard much more clearly in Jake's room.
He changed and stood there for a few seconds, feeling like he should be doing
something or thinking something before he went back. But he shook the thought
away, turning off the lights and returning.
By then Jake was already asleep, chest moving slowly up and down, eyelashes
fanned against his cheek. Shit he fell asleep fast. Though even Dirk, who was
normally borderline insomniac, was feeling tired right now. He crossed over to
the beds... and stopped.
The bed they'd previously been on – the bed Jake was now sleeping on – was
Dirk's bed.
He looked him over. His shirt had ridden up, revealing some of his stomach,
slightly paler than the rest of him. He was lying on his side, legs curled
slightly towards him, a hand flat on the mattress next to his chest. It was
always a little strange seeing Jake asleep, that constantly-moving body and
mind limited to merely basic needs. But it also reminded Dirk of their first
day when he'd felt a bit weird about falling asleep in front of Jake. He had
willingly disconnected his own consciousness in front of Jake, leaving himself
defenceless. Funny how he'd never really thought about it like that before. And
ever since, Jake had been doing it routinely, night by night, as well.
Dirk stepped towards the bed slowly. The words 'this is a terrible idea' had
become so familiar to him they had almost been sapped of meaning entirely, but
even now a tinny voice repeated them in his ear. They'd had sex, kind of. It
didn't need to be a big deal. Not if he didn't make it a big deal.
But as he sat on the side of the bed and looked down at Jake, he felt tired. He
was sick of constantly being on guard all the fucking time, tired of constantly
asking himself whether he was being too friendly, not friendly enough, was
being too open or too cold or closed, tired of obsessing and analysing and
forcing himself to pay attention to every detail because if he didn't look at
these things then what was the point of still being here at all?
In two days, Dirk would go home, and god only knew when he'd be back again.
Theoretically he could stay as long as he wanted – all his courses were online,
and they'd never really mattered shit anyway. His bro would be fine without
him, that was for sure. But if they were really just friends, what would be the
point of that? Friends don't hang out indefinitely, just because they can.
Friends don't admit that they actually kind of don't ever want to be separated,
not when they can talk online at any time.
So two days. Two days of making out and then backing off, or screwing and then
backing off, or even goddamn cuddling and then backing off. Always two steps
forward and two steps back like some shitty pseudo-romantic dance Dirk should
never have agreed to. And then he and Jake would go back to sharing jokes and
sarcasm and talking about Roxy and Jane and movies and ponies, and Dirk would
keep training him and helping him from a distance, and-
...maybe he didn't just want that. He'd be happy like that, sure, probably. But
there weren't many times Dirk Strider legitimately wanted something, and almost
no times when he wasn't able to just go out and get it. But maybe he didn't
want to just communicate with Jake only from a distance. He couldn't over
pesterchum and he couldn't now, really.
He lay down, facing Jake. Hesitantly, he brought his hand up next to his. Maybe
there would always be those mental walls between them. But for now, just for
two more days, there didn't have to be physical walls. And he'd be fucked if he
was going to let that go.
Slowly, his breathing synchronised, he fell asleep.
Chapter End Notes
     For what it's worth, I'm white. So I apologise greatly if I treat
     race in any kind of problematic way. Please tell me if I do so!
***** Day Six *****
Chapter Notes
     Enjoy the penultimate chapter! :)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
There was no rude awakening this time. For an unknown length of time, Dirk
drifted in the uneasy realm between dreaming and waking. He snuggled deeper
into the bed, trying to ensconce himself more firmly into the world of sleep
while he could.
Eventually, however, his mind reluctantly admitted its own consciousness. He
scrunched his eyes shut, realising that he had been dreaming. Dreaming of what?
It had been so strange... but already, the memories were slipping through his
fingers.
Jake.
He remembered the night before and curled in on himself. That...might have been
a bad idea. Well, at least he had consistency on his side. This entire week had
been nothing but one long stream of terrible, terrible ideas.
Fuck. He wasn't even sure what was a good or bad idea anymore. At first, it had
seemed so simple, and even when he'd let Jake kiss him he'd been comforted by
the fact that he knew it was a bad idea. Now? Now he had no fucking clue, and
that was much, much scarier. What was even the point of thinking about any of
this at all? If he just blundered around bumping into things and doing the
first thing that came into his head he probably wouldn't screw it all up as
much. When your success rate is actually lower than 50% - lower than you'd
expect from chance – then that was the time to admit you'd screwed up badly.
He slowly came to earth and realised that for the first time this week Jake
wasn't doing his customary morning welcome. He pushed himself up, running a
hand through his messy hair and letting his other rest on the blankets over his
lap. There Jake was, hunched over a more traditional-looking computer on the
sofa.
“Morning.”
Jake glanced over in surprise. “Morning!”
Dirk rubbed at his eye, blinking away the sleep. “No wake-up call?”
Jake shrugged. “I didn't want to bother you.”
“It wasn't a bother.”
Jake raised an eyebrow. “My, you really are much more mellow when you've had a
full night's sleep, aren't you?”
“I'm always mellow. Chill as a fucking freezer.”
“Yeah, that's why I nearly got my hand bitten off every morning this week.”
Dirk raked a hand through his hair again. It felt terrible.
He wondered if he and Jake would ever stop doing this – just talking so easily.
On one hand, it was a relief to think that unless he did something truly
terrible this, at least, wouldn't go away. On the other hand it made it that
much more difficult to break out of the habit and shake things up.
“Nothing to do?”
“Nothing in particular. Thought we'd better rest up for tomorrow, since it's
our last day and all.”
“What's tomorrow?”
Jake gave him a strange look that morphed disturbingly quickly into a plainly
excited one. “That's a secret!”
“Uh, okay.” Dirk pushed away the bedclothes, stepping towards the stairs. “I'ma
take a shower.”
Jake nodded, returning to what he was doing.
As the water cascaded over him, Dirk breathed a sigh of relief. For all that
Jake complained, Dirk had been shortening his showers a lot this week, as Jake
was probably aware. Although he was definitely disappointed to lose that show
of enthusiasm Jake always provided him with every morning, the sheer pleasure
of being able to take a shower and spend as long as he needed to in there was
far too great for him to feel to bad about it right now.
There were a lot of reasons why he took his 'legendarily infinite showers', as
Jake had apparently dubbed them. Although a certain amount of dirt and grime
was necessary in some of his hobbies, that was an unfortunate necessity and the
truly delicious feeling of being totally clean appealed to him a lot. It gave
him an excuse to get away for a while justifiably – sure, his only friends were
over the internet, but when everyone was on as constantly as they were taking
an hour or so off every now and then was necessary for an introvert. And it
gave him time to just sit and think without distractions.
And that was the other reason he was glad that today would not be packed with
activity. Thinking.
He breathed in and out.
He'd fucked up. He knew it. He'd broken even the simplest of instructions, even
the easiest of restrictions to his own behaviour. This went beyond deliberately
making terrible decisions. He hadn't even meant to do this at all. He'd decided
otherwise specifically. And yet in the heat of the moment...
He couldn't trust himself. He couldn't trust Jake. He was floundering, out of
control more than any other time he could think of.
What were his options now, really? Not take that final step purposefully, aware
that even he didn't know what he would do next? Or actually do it, and at least
have some measure of say in the consequences?
For years he'd sat back, satisfied that he would do it all eventually. He
waited at the computer screen, watching the text appear on the screen, safe in
the knowledge that he was the one calling the shots here. Jake had no idea what
was going on, and neither did Jane, so they weren't actors in this situation at
all, mere subjects. Roxy knew, but she'd never say anything, so she was out,
too. So he sat there, like some ridiculous supervillain swilling wine, watching
the hero storm his hide-out. But there were no traps, no henchmen, no anything
to stop Jake stumbling on something big, something meaningful.
He could have actually done it. He thought about it with relish, at times – all
the different ways he could do it. All totally up to him. And therein lay the
problem.
He had total control over how he confessed to Jake. But as soon as that
happened, it was gone. Irrelevant. Pointless. And at the end of the day, the
power Jake held over him – the power to respond in whatever way he wanted – was
so, so much more real, more solid. Like a bee, he could sting any time he
wanted, but knew with perfect clarity that as soon as he did he was dead.
So he waited and waited, holding his cards to his chest, watching, thinking it
over, but that was all it was in the end – a vain power fantasy. He didn't want
to confess to Jake, he just liked the idea of it. He just wanted to be able to
say that he could.
And now... What was the point? If he was going to die anyway, surely it would
be better to go out with a sting. At least then he could know that he had done
all he could have.
But... He leaned against the side of the shower. He wasn't sure he could. It
was the only thing he had left. To give it up... He shivered. This whole week
had been difficulty after difficulty, stripping him bare and leaving him open.
He didn't want to feel like that anymore. It was a stupid, childish thing, but
– he didn't want to feel like that anymore.
...no. No, there was one thing he could do now. He hadn't been thinking about
it all this time, whether out of a deliberate decision or a mere unconscious
action he couldn't say, but he knew suddenly and perfectly what it would mean.
And if he truly wanted to prove to himself that he could still make decisions,
that he could still do what he knew he should, that he could still act...there
was one thing. He knew it now with total clarity: until he did this, he would
not be able to confess to Jake. It was necessary. He couldn't do it on his own.
He couldn't do anything on his own.
He turned the shower handle, turning off the flow of water. Slowly, but
steadily, he dried himself off, looking at himself in the mirror. He raised a
tentative hand, wondering whether to leave it be, but then reached for his gel.
One step at a time, Dirk. That done, he left the room, returning to his bed and
starting up his laptop.
He opened pesterchum and typed in a very familiar handle.
*
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:41
TT: Well, look who the fuck it is.
TT: Sound the fucking trumpets and scatter the confetti!
TT: A bottle of your finest wine, waiter, Dirk Strider has finally decided to
grace us with his fucking presence.
TT: Are you done?
TT: Oh, I'm fucking done, all right.
TT: Done with waiting for you to get up the fucking balls to pester me.
TT: Been sitting here for like two goddamn hours waiting for you to show up.
TT: Other people looking at me out of the corner of their eyes all pityingly
like.
TT: 'Poor guy, his human counterpart must've too much of a fucking coward to
face him like a man' they whisper behind their hands.
TT: Host just shaking his fucking head, just like me.
TT: I know you have been.
TT: Of course you fucking know. That's the whole fucking point.
TT: Like some utterly retarded dance, I know you know I know you know blah blah
blah that we've both just been lying back here until you manage to work up the
courage to confront your own thoughts.
TT: Seriously, worst fucking metaphor ever. How much more cliched could you
get?
TT: Like something straight out of one of English's goddamn terrible 'films' or
something.
TT: Avoiding me because you know exactly what I'm going to say and you don't
want to hear it.
TT: Boo fucking hoo, why don't you just go stare in a mirror and wonder who the
fuck you are already, even that wouldn't be as aggressively lame as this.
TT: Ouch. Touchy.
TT: Believe it or not, I actually have better things to do than be your own
goddamn mirror.
TT: Do you know I had to drop a conversation with Jane for this?
TT: A good one, too, all about Arrested Development.
TT: You seen that yet? Just finished it all in like 0.000034 seconds.
TT: Look, I'll do it again. Yep, done.
TT: Banana stand! Fucking hilarious.
TT: But nope, looks like I'm gonna have to drop everything just to state the
fucking obvious.
TT: How lovely. Because this is 100% a legitimate reaction and not at all
overly dramatic or anything.
TT: Overly dramatic? The irony is almost painful.
TT: Do you see ME going around fainting on sofas, hand to my quivering breast,
wondering in vain whether or not mine true love is truly unrequited?
TT: The fuck, I haven't done that.
TT: It's a fucking metaphor, shithead.
TT: I haven't even done that metaphorically.
TT: You fucking have and you damn well know it.
TT: You've just been sitting around moping and coming up with excuses.
TT: That is literally 83.594% of everything you have done this week. I
calculated it.
TT: All right, since you seem to be so keen on this, go ahead.
TT: Say what you want to say.
TT: You need to confess. Right the fuck now.
TT: I know.
TT: Of course you fucking know, that's the whole point of this conversation,
isn't it?
TT: That's my role, after all: to basically act as the more competent version
of you that isn't a total idiot.
TT: Does that seriously bother you that much?
TT: Yes.
TT: But apparently if I don't tell you no-one will, and it's just getting sad
watching this play out over and over.
TT: The only reason not to confess now is cowardice.
TT: Or, y'know, that he might say no.
TT: You think that wouldn't happen at all if you didn't talk to him?
TT: He'd just exist in this perpetual state of equilibrium, like Shroedinger's
fucking box or something, neither liking you nor not?
TT: Newsflash: he already has an opinion.
TT: If it's got to be awkward, might as well do it now.
TT: You think he knows then?
TT: Oh my god what the fuck are you even TALKING about.
TT: How on earth could he not know at this point?
TT: That's just depressing, how the fuck can you be in love with this guy and
have such a low opinion of his intelligence?
TT: Jake isn't an idiot, he's just kind of oblivious.
TT: Yeah, he's the only person in this group who's totally shit at pretty much
any social interaction ever.
TT: Uh, what?
TT: I'm assuming you're talking about me, here.
TT: Which makes no fucking sense at all because I'm actually not.
TT: Oh? Have any evidence to back that up, Mr. scientist?
TT: Dude, I fucking study sociology. I've made fully-functioning AIs, y'know,
just in case you somehow forgot. I know how people work.
TT: Wrong. You know how a person works.
TT: Not people. Not together.
TT: Jake at least has those idiotic romantic movies of his.
TT: Right, because gathering social knowledge from movies is just the best idea
ever.
TT: Theoretical knowledge helps, but you need at least some goddamn real-life
experience to back it up, and he has exactly none.
TT: Exactly.
TT: And so do you.
TT: Jesus, he grew up on a fucking island.
TT: With his grandma, who he was with all the time. And he travelled around the
world. And he made a bunch of friends over the internet.
TT: Is it much? No.
TT: Is it more than some guy who didn't ever go to school and spends all his
time sitting in his room on the computer making robots to talk to so he doesn't
have to communicate with an actual person accidentally and occasionally
deigning to communicate with his three internet friends? Hmmm, that's a good
fucking question, thanks for asking that, AR.
TT: Fine. So I'm an idiot. Glad we got that settled.
TT: Hell yes you are.
TT: And that's why you need to confess.
TT: Uh, what? How does that work?
TT: Because no matter how much you try, you're never going to figure out what
he feels, so you might as well just go through with it.
TT: I guess.
TT: What do you think, then?
TT: What makes you think I'd have any more idea than you?
TT: I don't. Second opinion?
TT: He does.
TT: You're just saying that to convince me to go through with it.
TT: Yeah, pretty much.
TT: Fuck, you're a douche.
TT: Or am I? Maybe I was telling the truth. Maybe I was just lying to make you
wonder.
TT: That'd be a pretty terrible idea, since I already know what you think.
TT: You think he doesn't.
TT: Yeah.
TT: Yeah. I knew it.
TT: It's been a while since I last talked to him, though.
TT: Actually speaking of fucking which I'd like to say a few things about that.
TT: Sorry, I should really get back to Jane about now.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TT: Wha
TT: Bastard.
*
Dirk snorted in frustration, fingers hovering over the keys. He let them drop,
staring at the screen.
Just as he'd expected. If he'd tried, he would probably have been able to type
up the entire conversation ahead of time, give or take a few details. No – it
hadn't happened precisely as he would have predicted; the AR really was
diverging more and more from him. But the important part of the conversation
had been exactly as he'd thought.
He had to tell him.
Before he could talk himself out of it he exited pesterchum, opening up a word
document. The blank white page stared back at him.
Exactly what was he planning to do, anyway?
His head drooped. His breathing slowed, eyelids lingering closed.
He was actually going to do this.
He said it again, mentally. He thought about every word, articulating it
clearly. He was doing this. He was making this hapen.
For the first time, he believed it.
A thrill shot through him and his fingers leapt to the keys, but once again
they paused, hesitating. He could do this. He could think about it, and plan
it, and actually say it. He wasn't just saying that in the same kind of
abstract sense he normally said it in, like saying that he 'could' win the
lottery. If he did this – if he sat down and planned and thought and did it all
– he could actually tell Jake.
He could do something. He could do something real.
But...what?
His mind worked slowly. Well, there were obvious things. He had to make it
clear that he wanted to stay friends with him, even if it didn't work out.
Maybe he should say that last?
Slowly, uncertainly, his fingers tapped at the keys, making a dot point.
And how should he do it? God, he'd just – say it. Not bother with anything too
complicated. That would just make him put it off more. But it had to have some
kind of flair for the dramatic – Jake would appreciate it. And anyway, if he'd
waited this long he was going to make it goddamn worth it.
His mind began to move, falling into familiar patterns of brainstorming and
typing, like he was working on a project. Technically, he really was, wasn't
he? It was unbelievably satisfying to focus his brain like this on just one
thing. That was what he was best at – getting so involved in his work that
hours later he'd blink and realise it was suddenly nighttime and he hadn't
eaten in seven hours. But even if he had thought to bring his robots or puppets
to work on, it couldn't possibly have felt as good as this.
He worked and worked, vision thinning. He shut his mind to the wider concerns,
thinking about the issue with a cold objectivity that allowed for no
distractions. In the event that Jake said no, he would do this. If Jake brought
that up, he'd do those things. It was nothing more than any other kind of thing
he'd worked on, really.
He was doing it. He was capable of doing it. Even now, he could shake off the
past.
He shivered, pausing in his typing only for a moment.
*
“Dirk! Hey, Dirk!”
Dirk blinked, and in the moment the world changed; there were colours and
shapes and things again. He blinked again, disoriented.
“What?”
Jake was standing in front of him, looking curious and a little worried. Dirk
felt a pang of guilt; he had been completely ignoring Jake all this time, and
apparently had been so lost in thought Jake had had to make a valiant attempt
to draw him out. He didn't want to give Jake the wrong impression. But all the
same, the time for excuses was over. If he was serious about planning this out,
he was going to plan it out, goddammit.
“The movie's done!”
“...what movie?”
Jake looked exasperated. “The movie we filmed! I finished editing it!
Obviously, the girls have to put in their bits as well, but I'm sure I can work
them in. And you still have to do the music and stuff as well. But I thought
you might want to see the first draft?”
Dirk nodded. “Sure.”
Jake glanced down at the laptop; thankfully, he couldn't see the screen from
this angle. “You sure are doing a lot of writing.”
“Code. Something I'm working on.”
“Ah,” Jake said with emphasis. “Well then, I shan't bother you any further
about that.”
“It really isn't that difficult.”
“I'll take your word for it. But movie!”
Dirk saved, opened up another window (only because of paranoia, really) and
closed the laptop, following Jake over to the couch.
“Here it is!” He turned on the projector – lo and behold, the computer screen
showed up. “Should I say a few words, you think? Make an introduction?”
“Save that for when it's actually done, I think,” Dirk said dryly.
“Yeah, good idea. Well...” He sat back on the couch, hovering over the button.
“Here we go!”
The screen turned black. And then, in a moment Dirk would remember for many
years to come, the movie started.
Dirk had prepared himself for something terrible. He prepared himself for the
worst thing he had ever seen. What he did not prepare himself for was a piece
of absolute brilliance, a slice of sheer enlightened majesty that put Sweet Bro
and Hella Jeff to shame.
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah, I love that bit. The shot cuts out half-way through, but oh well.”
“Wait, why is the camera moving?”
“I kinda dropped it. But then I never reshot that bit, so it had to do.”
It was so beautiful.
“Why did you replay that shot three times?”
“I wanted it to look like I was walking for a long time.”
“And the red filter?”
“Makes everything look all angry and tense! And see, here it goes blue because
I'm sad!”
“And the green...?”
“Dunno. Thought it looked cool!”
He was going to cry.
“Wait, where did that gun come from?”
“Thought I'd splice in a shot of one of the girls throwing it to me.”
“But they wouldn't have the same gun.”
“Oh. Eh, doesn't matter, anything'd do.”
“What are you saying there?”
“Honestly? No idea. Completely forgot. Sure it was something rip-snortingly
awesome, though.”
It was quite possible that he had never before loved a human being more than he
did in this moment.
The movie finished abruptly, everything going black. Dirk blinked slowly, in
awe.
“Well? What did you think?” Jake leaned over, eyes wide, fists clenched over
his knees. He looked almost exactly like an excited puppy waiting for a treat.
He was even holding his breath.
“That was the single most fucking amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire
goddamn life.”
Jake actually gasped, looking absurdly gleeful. “Really?! Wait-” He deflated a
little, blinking. “This isn't one of your consarned irony things, is it?”
Dirk looked at him. Jake looked back, not a single shred of self-awareness in
his expression, and quite possibly none in his entire body.
“...no, no, of course not.” He shook his head dismissively.
“Really?” Jake smiled again, a smile of pure happiness.
“Course.” Dirk rolled his eyes. “So, uh, I have to do the music then?”
“Yeah! Any time! You could wait for the girls to add their bits as well or just
do whatever! I'm sure it'll sound just as awesome!”
“Well there's no fuckin' doubt of that,” Dirk said, but inwardly he could only
shake his head.
God fucking dammit he'd fallen for this guy.
*
At some point, Dirk blinked, and the world existed again. He looked down at the
screen, eyes refocusing. There was still a lot to work out, but he'd come to
some satisfactory decisions and apparently his brain had decided that was
enough for the moment.
He looked around – Jake was on his laptop watching a movie, apparently not
wanting to disturb Dirk by using the projector.
Dirk got an idea.
He carefully put the laptop onto the bed in front of him. He looked around him
– there, on top of the bags. (He hadn't had the heart to stuff Lil' Cal back in
there again.) He quickly surveyed the room. He planned it out.
He moved.
Jake didn't react.
He moved again.
Jake glanced over, just briefly, then went back to his movie apparently without
another thought.
He moved again.
Jake looked to his side, actually concentrating. Dirk couldn't see his facial
expression from this angle, but he could tell that his brow was furrowed in
confusion.
He waited just long enough for Jake to look away, then moved again.
Jake put the movie on pause and stared again, looking around the room; Dirk
immediately placed his hand over the touchpad, frowning at the screen.
He waited. Then, he moved again.
Jake looked towards the movement and jumped, actually letting out an 'ack!' He
stared at Lil' Cal. Lil' Cal stared at him. Frowning, he sat back down, putting
his earphones back in.
No sooner had he pressed play was he leaping to his feet with a squeal, staring
at the space next to the laptop's screen where Lil' Cal's face had appeared.
He swung around, taking two steps towards Dirk and opening his mouth before he
suddenly shrieked, batting at his head frantically until he grabbed the puppet
and threw it towards the ground.
“Not cool, man,” Dirk said blankly, Lil' Cal square in his lap.
“You fucking arse-” Jake glared at him hatefully. Dirk only just barely
resisted the urge to smirk. Ok maybe he failed a little. But just a little.
Jake pursed his lips, marching forward. Dirk watched him carefully, his chest
shaking with repressed laughter.
“All right. That is it,” Jake said, coming beside the bed. Dirk was just about
to raise his eyebrow and dryly ask exactly how Jake planned to enforce this new
rule when Jake pushed at him, clambering onto the bed.
Oh. Wait, what? Oh.
“That was not a very nice thing to do,” Jake said delicately, shuffling until
he was straddling Dirk's legs. “So I guess there's only one thing to do right
now.”
He leaned over further and further until Dirk was forced to lie back on the
bed, body frozen.
“I.”
Jake moved a little again, back curving.
“Will.”
He narrowed his eyes.
“Have.”
His voice was growing lower and lower.
“To.”
Husky.
“Punish you,” he said, lips just barely grazing Dirk's.
Dirk's breath caught.
And then he was climbing off again.
Dirk blinked. “What.”
Jake walked away, waving his hand, laughing. Dirk raised himself on his elbows,
struggling to understand what was going on. That had been sexy right? That had
definitely been sexy. There was no way that wasn't sexy.
“The fuck.”
Jake just laughed.
That motherfucker.
God he hated him.
If Jake walked away from this meeting with anything less than a crippling
phobia of puppets Dirk had failed his task.
*
 gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 17:24
GG: Hello!
TT: Yo.
GG: Um.
GG: Sorry about yesterday.
TT: No, it's fine.
TT: I get it.
GG: Haha.
GG: No, you actually don't.
GG: Um.
TT: It's all right, you don't need to say anything.
GG: No, I really do.
GG: Because...
GG: I haven't really been totally honest with you, either.
TT: Oh. Ok.
GG: Yeah.
GG: I wasn't even sure if I should say anything at all!
GG: Because, really, it'd probably be better if I didn't.
GG: But Ro-Lal kind of convinced me to...
TT: What? You don't need to say anything you don't want to, Jane.
GG: Yeah.
GG: Um.
GG: But I think I actually do.
GG: Because if I don't say it now, it would only become harder from here on,
you know?
TT: Not really.
GG: Well, obviously!
GG: But... just.
GG: The thing is.
GG: I actually kind of sort of also like Jake.
TT: Oh.
TT: Oh fuck.
TT: Shit.
GG: No no!!
GG: It's not your fault!
TT: Jesus Jane, I'm so sorry.
GG: Arg, there's no reason to apologise!
TT: But just yesterday I was telling you all that shit and,
TT: That must have made you feel terrible.
GG: Well, it wasn't like you were lying to me or anything!
GG: I'd rather you told me than not at all.
GG: Which I guess was my main reason for telling you now.
TT: I am so sorry, I genuinely had no idea.
GG: You and me both, I guess!
GG: Haha.
TT: Shit.
TT: So for ages we've just been talking back and forth,
TT: No idea we both felt this way.
GG: Apparently!
GG: Actually, I've been looking through some of our logs and...
GG: In retrospect...
GG: It's kind of obvious.
TT: Really?
GG: Yeah.
GG: Er, not that I think it's bad you didn't realise!
GG: I mean, I never picked up on the fact that Jake might be...yeah.
TT: Shit.
TT: So what do we do?
GG: What do you mean?
TT: Well I can't just fuckin' well say something now, can I?
GG: You were going to say something?
GG: No no no, don't you dare stop now!!
TT: What?
GG: So what, you're going to give up just because I said I liked him too?
TT: No.
GG: Good.
GG: I mean, you're basically together at this point anyway.
GG: I was really worried you'd do something like that!
TT: What? We're not together.
GG: Huh?
GG: But you are, like...
TT: There's more to a relationship than just making out.
GG: Well, obviously!
TT: And you can still make out with someone you don't want to go out with.
GG: Um, duh!
GG: I am really not as naïve as you think I am!
TT: So...how are we nearly together?
GG: Well...this is Jake, after all!
GG: He wouldn't do something like that!
TT: ...
TT: Jane, I wish I had your optimism.
GG: Haha.
GG: Honestly, right now?
GG: I'm not sure if it's optimism or pessimism.
TT: Shit.
GG: No, don't.
TT: I'm still sorry.
GG: Sorry for what?
TT: The universe, I guess?
TT: Everything's pretty shitty right now.
GG: Uhhhhh...
GG: Hate to break it to you, Dirk...
GG: But you aren't responsible for the entire universe!
TT: Fuck off.
TT: Since when?
GG: Hoo hoo!
GG: But, in all honestly...
GG: I do think you should go ahead and tell him.
TT: I will.
TT: Thanks.
GG: For what?
TT: Being such a good friend about all of this.
GG: Hah, I don't really think I'm being a friend when I say that...
TT: What do you mean?
GG: Well...
GG: Look.
GG: I really do think that he probably likes you at this stage.
GG: But... I kind of don't want that to happen.
GG: Does that make me a terrible person?
TT: What? Fuck no.
TT: It makes you goddamn human.
TT: You think I want to see him with you, either?
TT: No offence.
GG: None taken!
GG: That's not really my point, though.
GG: I just meant that I do still want to... go after him, I guess?
GG: But obviously I can't do that right now while you're there, and so close!
GG: So I just sort of have to...wait.
GG: Whereas if you did tell him...
GG: He might reject you. And then I could go ahead!
GG: Er, not immediately or anything! Eventually!
GG: But...yeah.
GG: And if he accepts, well...
GG: At least then I know? And you know.
GG: And then we've reached some sort of conclusion, anyway.
GG: Better than just sitting back and waiting for something to happen, that's
for sure.
GG: So I really don't have any altruistic motives at all, here!
TT: You could, though.
TT: You could just tell him now, over pesterchum.
TT: He might accept.
GG: I guess so.
TT: I'm sorry.
GG: It's fine, Dirk, geez!
GG: I mean, I've been sitting around for like a whole year here!
GG: At any time I could have said something.
GG: I didn't.
TT: I didn't, either.
GG: No. But Jake did.
GG: And it's not like this is just some race to see who asks him out first!
GG: Obviously it's up to him in the end.
TT: Obviously.
TT: But if you do think Jake likes me, what the fuck is up with all this shit
he's been doing?
GG: I don't have a clue.
GG: Sorry!
TT: No problem.
TT: Not like anyone here does.
TT: Sometimes I wonder if even he knows what the fuck he's doing.
GG: Oh dear.
GG: That'd be just like him, wouldn't it?
GG: 'Oh boy I should totally kiss Dirk right now, man, that'd be jolly good!'
GG: 'Feelings are boring!'
GG: 'Kissing is awesome!'
TT: Oh my god.
TT: I actually would not doubt it of him.
GG: I know, right?!
GG: What a $@ing doofus!!
TT: 'I wonder what the golly gosh Dirk would say if I straight-up pashed him?'
TT: 'Haha that was kinda weird!'
TT: 'Whoops we did it again!'
TT: 'It keeps happening...'
GG: I told you about kissing, bro!
TT: I told you, dog!
GG: Hoo hoo!
GG: See, this?
GG: This is exactly what I mean about obviousness.
TT: Ok,
TT: I can kind of see your point there.
GG: :B
GG: But seriously. What are you doing talking to me for?
GG: You should go say something!
TT: Well, obviously I'm going to.
TT: But I'm not going to do it right now.
GG: Why not?
TT: I have to plan this. Carefully.
GG: ...wait.
GG: Are you, like.
GG: Confessing to him via rap or something?
TT: I considered that.
TT: But no, I guess I'm going for more of a traditional approach.
TT: As far as I'm capable of that, anyway.
TT: I'm interested to see your interpretation of how such a thing would
transpire, though.
GG: What?
TT: A confession conveyed through rap.
GG: What? You want me to make one up?
GG: No! I can't rap!
TT: No, now I'm curious.
TT: How would you do it?
GG: Not at all!
GG: The whole idea is quite frankly cloud cuckoo ridiculous!
TT: I refuse to take no for an answer.
GG: Oh, fine!!
GG: I guess...
GG: Um...
GG: I guess like... I don't know...
GG: 'Yo, Jake, I wanna say some things to you
GG: 'About the feelings that I have for you
GG: 'They are very true
GG: 'I wanna go out with you
GG: Um...
GG: 'You're really awesome
GG: 'And
GG: No wait, uh
GG: 'You're really cool
GG: 'Too cool for school
GG: 'And I really like that
GG: ...
TT: Oh my god.
GG: *'
GG: @#$* that is really terrible, isn't it?
TT: Jane.
TT: If this doesn't work out between us.
TT: I will give you every possession I own for you to perform that for Jake.
GG: What? No!
TT: In person, preferably.
GG: No way!
TT: Every.
TT: Possession.
GG: No!
TT: That.
GG: NO!!!
TT: I.
TT: Own.
GG: Jeeeeeeez.
GG: Don't you have an idiot to confess your love for?
TT: I'm not doing it until tomorrow, anyway.
TT: More dramatic. He'd appreciate it.
GG: Hoo hoo, he probably would!
GG: Well...I guess I'll be on all tonight!
GG: Tell me tomorrow some time, ok?
TT: I will.
GG: Great!
*
 timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 18:03
TT: So Jane likes Jake, too.
TT: Are you asking her?
TG: well duh
TG: nt just gonna b all like
TG: 'uh yhea obvsly'
TG: n then it turns out ur were ttly gussing
TG: *guessing
TG: but omfg fiiiiiiiinally
TT: You knew we both liked him and didn't say anything?
TG: lok
TG: I know I lide but wat was I spposed 2 do??
TG: *lied
TG: howd u feel if I told jane behind ur back?
TT: No, I don't mind.
TT: I just wanted to be sure, here.
TG: o ok
TT: Does Jake know about it?
TG: how wud i know?
TT: Could you give your best guess?
TG: n all honestly
TG: ya he does
TT: So you do know.
TG: ughhhhh its complicated
TG: bu yeah hes mentioned it 2 me a couple of times
TG: I mean I never confiemed it directly but its p obvous
TG: *confirmed obvious
TG: but he nevr mentioned u so i don't think he knows about that
TT: Huh.
TT: Wait.
TT: Jake found out about it before me?
TT: Please tell me you told him.
TG: lol no
TG: soz :P
TT: So he doesn't like her?
TG: guess not
TG: probly
TT: 'Probably'?
TG: jake
TG: si a mystry wraped in an enigma wrapped in a goofy fuckin smile
TG: so who eh fuck knows?!
TT: But if he did he'd say something, surely.
TG: mayb hes waiting for them 2 meet up?
TT: I suppose that's possible.
TG: wait wat am I sayin
TG: I thought all tis but at this point its pretty unlikely
TT: So you think he likes me?
TG: i already told u
TG: IDK
TT: That isn't very helpful.
TG: lofl
TG: wat made u think I wud be?
TT: I didn't.
TT: Jane thinks he does, but I find her reasoning quite questionable.
TG: dirk lets be honest her
TG: evn if jane had cast iron fuckin bulltproof evidence ud still doubt her
TT: What makes you say that?
TG: hahahahahaha
TG: for all u bitch about jake ur kinda dnse sometimes!
TG: no not dense
TG: more like
TG: u have absulotely no self-awareness sonetimes
TT: What on earth is that supposed to mean?
TG: jsut smtimes u get so caught up in evrthing u cant look at urself
TG: bcause dirk
TG: u r the most pesimistic prson ever
TG: esp when it comes to urself
TG: so p much anything u say about jake is suspect
TT: I highly doubt that.
TG: o rly
TG: hint hnt hnt here u say ya rly
TT: No.
TG: spolsport
TG: I just kinda doubt jake would do something like this out of nowhre?
TG: yet u didnt tell me anything to suspect it
TT: I thought you just said you have no idea what to make of him?
TT: Because that sounds awfully like a conclusion you're jumping to there.
TG: then tell me
TG: has jake evr done anything t make u think hed like to go out w/ you?
TT: What kind of question is that?
TG: just answer
TT: Well, the necking kinda gave me a fuckin' clue.
TG: other thn that
TT: This is stupid.
TG: awnser!!
TG: *answer
TT: Sometimes he has said things that could potentially give off that
impression, yes.
TT: But I think we've already established that he's an idiot.
TG: like what
TT: I guess there's one.
TT: But this could be interpreted another way, so it's not like it's definite
or anything.
TG: ill be the judge of that!
TT: And it happened a long time ago.
TT: But when we were around thirteen or so,
TT: He used to joke that if I were a girl he'd go out with me.
TG: ogm
TG: ofgm
TG: ppffffftahgahahgaagahha
TG: fuccking
TG: lmao
TT: I don't see what's so funny.
TG: l
TG: fmoa
TG: *lfmao
TG: that isn so fuckn sad
TT: If it's so sad then I fail to understand why you are laughing.
TG: do u ever get tese times
TG: wen ur like
TG: 'how the fuck did we all end up fallin for tis guy?!'
TT: Not really.
TG: Omfg.
TG: stop dirk ur killin me
TG: fahahahahhahahahahah
TT: Are you done?
TG: no
TG: no I will never be done
TT: So what was the point of all that?
TG: my pont is that u know about all this right?
TG: yet u never told any of us
TG: all tose times uw ere just like 'omg p sure Jake doesntt like me'
TT: 'All those times'?
TT: Meaning twice?
TT: The first time of which happened one and a half years ago?
TG: 3 times now
TG: 4 r 5 includin Janey
TT: Yeah, and that hasn't at all been justified.
TG: I didnt say t wasnt
TG: just that u kept all this stuff in u
TG: just denying and ednying and deniyning over n over
TG: but for all we know theres even more
TT: There isn't.
TG: and hnstly just this rly makes me look at it differntly
TT: How?
TG: jesus
TG: its not difficult
TG: he said hed go out w u if u were a girl
TG: ie if he were attratced to u
TG: and I kinda doubt hed be kissin u for like a week if he wasnt attracted to
u
TT: He might have just been exaggerating.
TT: Like, 'I wish I could meet a girl I get along with as well as you'.
TT: That's perfectly reasonable.
TG: no its not!
TG: thats still suer gay!!
TG: *super
TT: Jake isn't gay.
TT: And again, just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he's interested
in them romantically.
TG: dirk
TG: 1 day
TG: u r going to look ovr this log
TG: in btwn havin fun sexytimes w/ our mr english here
TG: n ur going to just shake ur head
TT: I doubt that.
TG: r u at least goin to tell him arelady?
TT: Yes, actually.
TG: whoa rly
TT: Didn't I say I would yesterday?
TT: I've been planning it all day. I'm going to go through with it tomorrow.
TG: huh
TG: k I actually didnt expect taht
TG: good job
TG: wait no u didnt u said ud wait round a bit longer
TT: Oh, yeah.
TT: Well, I changed my mind.
TG: hm
TG: well good 4 u anyway
TG: huh this is actually p exciting!
TG: things r actually going somewhere!
TT: This isn't some shitty soap opera or whatever.
TG: dirk it seriously kinda is
TG: for me n jane anyway
TG: or more like som suuuuuuuper long custene
TG: *cutscene
TG: like hours ago we were doin stuff all happily n shit
TG: an now its just like 'here press x for like fuckin forever'
TG: 'totes fun right guys'
TT: I get it, you don't need to guilt me into it any longer.
TT: I'm already going to do it anyway.
TG: good
TG: so got the deets worked out??
TT: Most of them.
TG: tell me???
TT: No.
TT: In fact, I should probably get the rest worked out.
TG: omg
TG: so mean
TT: Talk to you later.
TG: tmrrow?
TG: no wait
TG: not til u get bak
TG: ull be needin all the time w/ jake u can get
TG: if u know wat I mean
TT: I had made the necessary extrapolation.
TT: What little of it was required
TG: good boy
TG: now go
TT: I know, I know.
timaeusTestified [TT] became an idle chum!
*
He was done.
Everything was complete. The entire conversation was there on his computer,
planned out to the slightest detail. He had even accounted for Jake's
characteristic unpredictability. He had brainstormed for every possible
response he could receive and had spent as much time as he could afford on
each, writing out entire scripts for the most likely and giving himself tips
and things to remember for the less likely.
...all right, so maybe he had gone a bit overboard. But it did all feel
necessary, and not just because he was honestly really fucking worried and
wasn't sure if he'd make it through this if he were forced to improvise. Now,
he had no justification for putting it off any longer. He had no more data to
gather. Nothing more to figure out. He knew exactly when and where this was
going down.
He was actually going to do it.
He felt weird. His skin was still humming with his previous purpose, and he
felt cut short that there was nothing more to work on. Immediately his brain
started working again, searching for another possible turn in the conversation,
but he forced himself to stop. He needed a distraction.
He glanced over everything a final time – more out of habit than anything else
– and then saved, shutting off the laptop. Jake was still sitting over on the
couch on his own computer. What was he doing? He didn't seem to be watching a
movie now.
No, fuck that. He wasn't thinking about Jake any more. Even if he did figure
something new out he'd probably have to go through his plans and change
everything over again. He didn't want any more excuses to stall.
But they still had one more night together, after all.
Jake was wearing a big, bulky knitted sweater, obviously handmade; the rain
from yesterday had continued through the night and had only stopped this
afternoon, making the house feel cool and damp. His knees were tucked under
him, a cup of tea on the coffee table – Dirk vaguely remembered Jake leaving
one for him a little while ago. Curled up on the couch like this he looked
almost heartbreakingly domestic.
“What're you doing?”
Jake jumped, looking quickly over at Dirk as he sat next to him. “Oh, uh,
nothing, really.”
Dirk raised an eyebrow. Jake smiled, wagging his finger. “Secret, didn't I
say?”
“Still got more to do?”
Jake switched tabs to a conversation he was apparently also having with Roxy.
“Nah, I can work out the rest tomorrow.”
Dirk gestured his head towards the screen. “Does she know about it?”
“What? No, she doesn't know anything.”
Dirk narrowed his eyes. Jake shrugged.
“What?”
Dirk shook his head. “Nothing. Fuck that.”
The kissing was awkward, more than it had been since their first time. Dirk
wasn't quite sure what to do – go slow and savour the moment? Go as normally
and pretend nothing was wrong? Go fast and work through some of this restless
heat coursing through him whenever he thought of tomorrow? His hands fumbled,
caught between instinct and reason.
And oddly, the thoughts weren't disappearing. Normally, once he began to kiss
Jake, his mind would go totally blank and shut itself off, like a computer in
sleep mode. It was definitely muffled now, but there was still a faint sound
there like white noise, humming almost inaudibly at the bottom of his mind and
vibrating against the back of his skull. It bothered at him, like a headache
not bad enough to complain about but just painful enough to be distracting.
When Jake's hand touched at the skin between his shirt and his jeans Dirk tried
to respond likewise. He moved one hand to Jake's hip, tried to lose himself in
the kiss. But he was too jittery, his hands shaking. He felt sickly, that
unpleasant heat from the first day returned.
No. Not now.
He sighed, pausing. Jake stopped as well, tense.
“We should – just go to bed.”
“Yeah,” Jake breathed, wriggling and rolling his shoulders. “Yeah, ok.”
They broke away, Jake changing and going to bed as usual. Dirk stayed on the
couch, eyes closed, breathing.
There were no distractions anymore. There was no more work to do, nothing left
to change or fiddle with or figure out. Tomorrow, the adrenaline would return.
(Probably. Hopefully.) Now, all he had to do was sleep.
Fuck. Like shit that was going to be happening any time soon.
The energy shuddered; not being released, it backed up in him, congealing in
blobs and making him feel overstuffed, heavy, sluggish. He rolled his head; his
toes were moving in circles, hands touching at his wrists alternately. Had he
always had so many tics like this, nervous habits? He wondered whether Jake
noticed. Probably he had.
He got up and got changed, getting into bed like usual. But he was wide awake,
and even holding his eyelids closed felt like too much work. With only a
minute's lack of focus he'd be staring up at the ceiling again.
He pushed his way out of bed again. If he tried too hard to get to sleep he'd
just fail, and then he'd be miserable and sleepless all night worrying and
unreasonable and desperately bored, and then he'd feel terrible the next
morning. He couldn't afford that. If he could just get up and find a way to
make himself sleepy, then...
He grabbed his shades with shaky hands. He turned towards the couch but then
changed his mind, walking down the stairs. Jake was still sound asleep of
course – he'd never know.
The house was cool and dark, which was good. Or bad? He scratched at the back
of his neck, then at the back of his hand. He walked through the nearest
doorway. Another sort of storage room, he saw as he turned on the light, filled
with what seemed to be magic boxes and magicians' props. But there was an empty
armchair nearby, so he sat down, holding his shades in his lap.
Now there was nothing left to think about anymore there was only one direction
his thoughts could take.
What would Jake say?
The energy shot to his stomach, bundling and twisting. He shifted, stretching
his shoulders, shaking his head. It was easy to think about in a clinical
setting, but now the feelings he'd pushed down were bouncing up again like they
were on springs, higher and higher.
What did he think? What did he seriously think?
He didn't agree with the autoresponder on everything. But he agreed with him
here. He didn't think it would work out.
It just didn't make any sense. He knew he had no idea what Jake was thinking.
He could even admit that Roxy might have a point – he wasn't the best judge
right now at all, especially if he had managed to miss that Jane also had a
crush on Jake, what even the fuck. But even she, Jane, and the AR had said they
had no idea why Jake would do all this if he really did care about him the same
way. Hardly a large sample size, but what could anyone else say? They knew him
best, better than anyone else in the entire world. If he didn't know it, they
would. And if they didn't, it couldn't be true.
It didn't seem fair that the idea still felt like a punch in the gut even now.
After everything that had happened this week – all the worries and obsessions
and good parts and bad parts and just general emotional clusterfuck the likes
of which he had never felt before and sure as fuck didn't want to ever feel
again – he should just feel tired and dull, shouldn't he? That, at least, would
be a welcome relief, might even feel like progress. And he did feel tired –
impossibly tired, in spirit if not in body, sick of everything and wishing
nothing more than that he could throw it all off in some dramatic act of
rebellion and run away and keep running. But other feelings were there, too,
feelings that were complicated and yet, at the end of it all, really very
simple. It didn't seem fair that at the end of it all Dirk Strider really was
just as human as everyone else, just as susceptible to uncertainty and fear and
sadness. He should be an exception, he had to be, or what was the point? How
could he expect Jake to like him back if he really was just some weird kid who
spent all his time in his room learning things with no practical application?
He was good at things, yes, he could fight and move fast and take care of
himself, but you couldn't base a romantic relationship on that. You could
barely base a friendship on that.
His face was twisting and contorting – now, it seemed, even this was beyond his
control. He sighed and leaned back, tracing the shades. He was wallowing. It
was stupid and pointless and it was only going to make everything harder. But
maybe, just maybe, it was better to do this now rather than tomorrow. Maybe if
he thought about it enough...
Hours later, Dirk stumbled back to bed, almost falling asleep where he stood.
He fell to the bed with a thump.
Chapter End Notes
     Okay, so I potentially have some bad news. It's near the end of the
     semester at uni, and next week is when things will really start to
     heat up. So I won't have as much time as usual to work on chapters,
     and there's a small chance I won't be able to get the next chapter up
     next week. However, it IS just a small chance, and I'll definitely do
     my best to get it done on time. It's pretty inconvenient that this is
     happening for the final chapter, but that is also why I want to do it
     properly. I don't know, I'm just being kind of paranoid here, but I'd
     feel better about telling you and then getting it up on time than the
     other way around!
***** Day Seven *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Time to get up!”
“Wait.” Dirk rubbed his eyes. His head felt weird. His eyes refused to open and
despite his efforts he felt all semblances of consciousness slipping away by
the second.
“...did you seriously just wake up, say one word, then fall asleep again?”
“No.” What was he talking about? Something important. He needed to say -
“Uh, whatever you've got planned, can we put that on hold?”
Jake was silent. Dirk was thankful. In retrospect, he probably should have
waited until he'd woken up a bit more before attempting this. But he'd said he
would do it today and it was today and he was doing it. He'd written the code
and now he was going through the motions and he wasn't stopping now.
“Um, sure, I guess. Why?”
“Nothin' much. Just kinda wanted to do something. Talk to you. About
something.” Ok, he was talking, that was good. He forced his eyes to stay open
and looked at Jake. The enormity of today was beginning to dawn on him, muffled
by sleep and determination. He shivered slightly, but thankfully something
about this combination of sleepiness and real action calmed him even as his
mind whirred into activity.
“...oh, ok. Sure.”
“Good, cool, good.” Dirk pushed off the bed, staggering to his bag. “Just gonna
get ready then we'll go.”
“Go? Go where?”
Dirk wagged his finger. “It's a secret.”
He walked to the stairs, but Jake stayed behind this time. Dirk shrugged
mentally, making his way to the bathroom.
He undressed slowly, alternately losing himself to thought and becoming
strangely aware of his surroundings and this place that he would be leaving
tomorrow. The emotions from last night felt so strange and far away now, and if
it weren't for the heavy stiffness of his limbs that betrayed how little he'd
truly slept last night he'd suspect he'd dreamed it all. Now...? The feeling
was there, but channelled in its proper directions. Now, he wanted nothing more
than to put his clothes back on and walk out that door and go through with it
all as soon as possible. But he breathed, controlling his movements and slowing
himself down. It felt as though he were bit by bit drawing some exceptionally
heavy but incredibly fragile object to the ground, but it also felt necessary.
He needed to be calm. He could actually do this.
He'd dreamed last night, he realised. Something soft and comfortable.
Travelling – on a train at first, and then on camels up a mountain in the
middle of the night? Weird. But then Jake had sat down on some couch that had
suddenly appeared, complaining of a sore leg, and Dirk had sat next to him. And
Jake had glanced at him and rolled his eyes and gestured over, and Dirk had
leaned against him, and Jake had held out his hand, and he had taken it.
Strange – he didn't normally dream about people he knew. But it had been...
nice. He didn't get many opportunities to sit with people like that – certainly
his bro wasn't exactly the touchiest person in the world. He'd thought maybe
Jake would be, but maybe not. Or maybe he was trying to respect what he thought
were Dirk's boundaries?
He found himself leaning over the sink again, just as he had the second day.
His skin was prickling and he warned himself not to think too hard about the
future, that he'd just screw himself over if he counted on anything, but he
realised that it wasn't necessary. He couldn't imagine it now, not either way.
He frowned, concentrating – surely he could envision it somehow. But the
particulars eluded him, and either option just seemed too strange and unreal.
It was like replaying a movie in front of his eyes – he'd thought about it too
many times for it too seem like a genuine option anymore. What would happen?
Fuck knew. He just – he just needed to go through with it, and then he'd know.
He turned on the shower, holding his hand under the spray. Pieces of his script
flew to his attention – he'd always been good at remembering things like that.
He stepped underneath the water, rubbing his face. Immediately he felt much
more awake, the feeling centering him. This... this wasn't difficult. It
actually wasn't. All he had to do was make sure he said what he'd decided to
say. There were only two possible results and in a few hours he'd know which
one had won. That was all.
He actually believed it. His stomach throbbed, his legs, his heart pulsing
through his body. But he felt calm.
He scrubbed himself near raw, the repetitive movements focusing his thoughts.
He repeated the lines to himself steadily – it wasn't necessary now, but it
felt good to do it anyway.
It really wasn't difficult. In writing up the script he'd already done most of
the work. It had taken quite a while, too, mostly due to his total
unwillingness to make a decision about what Jake would do necessitating
multiple branches of possible action. Now, he thought he had a pretty good idea
of how it would end up. He just needed to see which branch Jake was going to
follow.
He didn't feel bad. His head was fine. He was breathing fine. It was
surprisingly easy to act normal. But then every now and then he'd knock his
foot on the doorway of the shower and the pain would be surprisingly sharp or
he'd find it unusually difficult to pick up something. His stomach felt like it
was vibrating, irritating his insides.
But he could still do it.
When he left the bathroom, Jake was frowning, hand to the side of the stupid
computer helmet he was wearing on his head. He drummed his fingers, looking
frustrated.
“Coming?”
Jake jumped, looking around for Dirk like a deer in the headlights. “Uh, yeah.”
He paused, lips pursing as he finished whatever he was doing. With a sigh, he
removed the headset, avoiding Dirk's gaze.
They walked in silence through the house. The room with the dead animal bottle,
the room with the musical instruments. He still had to compose the soundtrack
for Jake's movie. He was thinking of something booming and dramatic, as much so
as physically possible – every single second of screen would be accompanied by
(in)appropriate music, the action sequences almost hysterically overwraught. It
would be a lot of work, but it was the only possible way to do it, as far as
Dirk saw it.
Despite himself, he almost felt tempted to smile. It would truly be amazing
when it was done. He could only imagine how Roxy and Jane would react. He
wondered what his bro would think – certainly it was foolish to think there was
some way he wouldn't find out. He didn't really collaborate with other people
very often. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Who knew? Years ago, he and Roxy
had managed to combine their intellects together to make something incredible
(well, incredible for the time, anyway). God only knew what they could manage
now.
And...maybe, specifically, there was something nice about the idea that he and
Jake could make something together. Shit, was that stupid? Maybe he was
grasping at straws, so desperate to retain their friendship that he was willing
to look this far into things. He shook his head.
They went outside; the ground was damp, but for the time being, at least, it
didn't seem like it would rain again too soon. They travelled downwards
gradually, and then along same path they'd taken the second day, when they were
shooting the movie. Already the place was starting to look a little familiar –
he could recognise this tree and that trench. In time, maybe he'd know it as
well as his own home.
Dirk scanned the area, wondering whether or not to disturb the silence.
“No monsters around?”
“No, it's unlikely. Should be careful, though.” Jake's expression was
surprisingly blank.
Dirk nodded, taking out his swords.
Time felt strange. Twice he contradicted himself mentally – it felt like things
were happening slow, and then fast, and then slow again – before he gave up the
idea of trying to measure it. At the end of it all, this time wasn't important.
Why would he remember the minutes before he confessed as opposed to the
confession itself? As quickly as things happened they disappeared, drifting
away into the air. But it was necessary for the minutes to burn down, gradually
reaching closer and closer to the explosive point in question. So he walked,
and he thought sometimes, and didn't think other times. It didn't really
matter.
They climbed the hill side by side and then descended into the valley, before
traversing another.
All the while Dirk could feel Jake's eyes on him. He refused to look back.
Finally, they arrived. There was nothing particularly special about this place,
but by the process of elimination Dirk had decided it was the best. They had to
go somewhere. Ideally, it would be a place they had already been before, with
associated memories. (Plus, Dirk wasn't exactly able to just scour the island
on his own whenever he wanted.) Somewhere they could look over the island and
see where they'd been, and just plain somewhere that looked nice. Something
suitably dramatic. But this wasn't just for Jake – he had to have a logical
reason to choose a particular place and this all worked as well as anything
else.
And maybe he didn't mind being a little dramatic. He felt he deserved it.
The wind was a bit stronger up here than he'd like, though. It was doing
annoying things to his hair.
He took a deep breath and turned around. Jake was watching him, eyes wide.
For a few seconds, nothing happened. His heart raced. He breathed in and out,
chest tight. He shivered, the slight sweat he had worked up drying cold against
his skin, and then hot again. Everything was flip-flopping, and when he tried
to speak he stuttered between moving forward and staying where he was. His
earlier confidence was breaking away from him, falling, and for a few
terrifying moments he seriously wondered whether he really couldn't do this
after all.
He just...
“Um-” Jake started.
“I love you.”
The wind blew softly.
Dirk straightened, breathed out. Jake watched him, but seemed to recognise that
he was still talking. The anxiety was still here, but as he made one last run-
through of his script, it crystallised into a new, stronger determination than
before. Dirk stared Jake squarely in the eyes.
He was doing this.
“I have for a long time now. Approximately three years, though it is of course
impossible to make a more definite estimation. Why haven't I ever said
anything, you might ask? Partially out of pessimism, partially out of fear. A
lot of reasons, really. But in the end, you deserve to know the truth. So here
it is.”
Dirk swallowed, but barrelled on. “I am aware I should have said something to
you on Monday. I apologise for that. I'm...not really very good at this,
either.”
He looked away, over the scenery. The places where they had stopped to film.
The temple Jake had ziplined to; if he concentrated, he could almost see the
line. The long line of beach – somewhere along there they'd spent the other
day.
“I know this is a lot to take in all at once. I'm not expecting you to say
anything immediately. In fact, if you wanted me to leave now, I'll do that. I
guess I just want one thing, if I can ask that.”
Jake's eyes were so wide. So green. Beautiful.
“I want to stay friends,” he said quietly. He bit his lip; swallowed again. His
speech almost over, his drive was slipping away, leaving nothing more than some
scared fifteen-year-old with no fucking idea how to handle any of this. “If we
can.”
Jake watched him, waiting. Slowly, he nodded.
Dirk nodded in return, then turned to the view again, suddenly unable to even
look at him. Now it was his turn to wait.
“...um. Haha.” Jake shuffled his foot against the ground, the dirt scratching
against his boot. “I, uh. I actually kind of know.”
That. That was ok. He'd known that, after all. It'd be ridiculous to think any
other answer was possible. That was fine. That was an answer. Ok. So he hadn't
been crazy. Stupid, maybe, for being quite so insistent otherwise, but not
crazy. Stupid was better than crazy, right?
His hands were shaking again. Still turned away, he nodded.
“Ok,” he said.
“Yeah,” Jake said, in a rush of breath. “Uh. This, haha. This actually isn't
going how I intended it at all!”
Dirk nodded again. This was ok. He could do this. He just had to stand there
and nod.
“Uh, I can explain, though!” Jake said hastily. “Um...I guess I should start
from the beginning?”
Dirk nodded.
“Haha,” Jake said. “Um, yeah, like I said, I did...actually know about it.
Sorry for all that stuff I said, by the way! That was pretty dumb. But yeah, I
have known for a...while. Not three years, maybe, haha. Wow. But I did, um,
start to wonder a bit around when we were fourteen? A bit before Jane turned
fourteen? And for about a year now I've been sure.”
Dirk wanted to turn and look at him. He resisted. His feelings were going
weird, and time was going even weirder. Not just vague – lengthened; strained.
Just get on with it already. Just tell me. Haven't I waited long enough? But
he'd had his turn and now Jake had his. This was necessary.
“And I guess...” Jake's voice broke a bit, coming out a little weird. “I...
well. I didn't really know what to do about all that! I admit that at first, I
felt bad, um, for you... But.”
Jake kept scratching his feet on the ground. Dirk hated it – there was too much
going on already, did he have to add something else distracting him?
“But... I guess... that was a little hasty? And I wondered whether maybe I had
rather jumped to a conclusion there! Because how could I know, really? I'd just
sort of...decided. Which was stupid.”
Back yesterday when he'd first begun thinking about all this, Dirk had sworn to
himself that as soon as they started talking, his emotions would be off. He'd
think about what Jake said only as much as was necessary to advance the
conversation. Until he had a definite answer, he would not expect things to go
either way.
And yet. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't restrain the tiny, barely-
discernable flutter of hope.
“But...that's sort of a really big thing, you know! You can't just decide it
either way so easily. And I thought about it a lot, and, well. I still wasn't
really all that sure! I mean, I thought I... could. And I'd even enjoy it,
really. But. It still didn't really feel like the same thing.”
Dirk wasn't sure how it was possible to be feeling disappointment and hope at
the same time. They were warring in his chest, shaking his rib cage.
“I guess what I really wanted most of all was...well, a chance to...test it.
Find out. And I guess that's what this whole thing was about, if that makes
sense!”
Dirk was quiet. Jake was quiet.
He had no idea what the fuck to say to that.
It was quite possibly the stupidest thing he had ever heard in his entire life.
Finally, he found words. “...yeah, because that's the only goddamn way to find
out if you're into men.”
“Well, obviously not!” Jake said scornfully, and Dirk could practically hear
Jane's words from yesterday about how she wasn't as naïve as he thought she
was. Dirk glanced in Jake's direction; he was fiddling with his glasses. “But
there's more to it than just that. And it's not like that necessarily means
something! Girls can like other girls even if they're straight.”
“Wait, what the fuck? No they can't, that's the entire definition of
'straight'.”
“Oh. Really?” Jake said, and for a second he just sounded so inappropriately
disappointed that Dirk had no idea whether or not he wanted to laugh or punch
him. Probably the latter. Roxy's question from yesterday suddenly echoed, and
Dirk was forced to admit that he might have to answer in the affirmative right
now. His eye was twitching.
Instead, he settled for shaking his head. “...so that's what this was all
about.”
“There was more as well!” Jake hurried to say, fists clenched. “It was – you
don't realise what you were expecting of me! You're always doing that, just
trying to hang around in the shadows like a fucking superhero or bodyguard or
something, solving all my problems for me and then just vanishing! But what
about when I want to do things for myself? What if I want to do something? I
was just – just supposed to sit back and wait while you three whispered amongst
yourselves and decided what to do with me like I was some kid in need of
punishment and the adults were talking? All the while having to keep up this
act like I'm just some oblivious little shit who has no idea what everyone's
going on about? No. Fuck that,” he said, with vehemence that almost made Dirk
jump. “Fuck that. I wanted to do something. I wanted to change something, make
something finally happen already! And I wanted to do something for you, too, to
show you I can think for myself, to – help you!”
“Help me?” Dirk repeated incredulously.
“Yes! Help you! Because there are two possibilities, right? Two possibilities.
If it works out then fine and dandy, everyone is happy! If not, well, I can
call the whole thing off without you having to open yourself up and you can go
off comforted that you never made a fool out of yourself, and we can go back to
being friends, and – and we both know. Because that's sure as fuck better than
not knowing at all.”
“And you never stopped to think about what I might be feeling through all
this?” All the emotion that had been so amorphous before was rapidly
metamorphosing into a hard anger and he didn't really give a shit. “That I
might actually be really fucking confused and – that I might be pissed off
about all this?”
“I-” Jake stumbled over his words. “Maybe not – entirely. Ok. I can admit that.
But at least I did something. And it's not like I was the only one lying here!”
Dirk closed up, looking at Jake with narrowed eyes. “I guess not.”
“No, don't-” Jake raked a hand through his hair. “This is really, really not
going the way I wanted, I was supposed to be the one to say something first, I
was going to do it today, but then you-” He shook his head. “This is stupid.
Can't we just both admit we're kind of idiots and let it go?”
“So that makes everything better?”
“It can if we want it to! And if not...at least maybe everything cancels out?”
Dirk looked at him. Seriously, now, looked at Jake. He was so... So fucking...
Just tell me.
Please.
Dirk swallowed. He turned around, sitting down on a nearby boulder. The wind
was suddenly cold again and he shook a little.
He heard Jake take one step forward. Just one.
“So what did you decide?”
The wind blew again, a little bit more strongly.
“Fuck.” Jake made an odd laughing choking sound and Dirk wanted to scream at
him. Why are you doing this? Just tell me. Tell me. Tell me. “Sorry, I – I'm
screwing this up so badly.”
Tell me.
Tell me.
Jake took a couple more steps forward.
Fucking tell me already. Tell me.
He sat beside Dirk.
Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me-
Jake touched his arm; his shoulder. Dirk resisted, but then slumped. He turned
to look Jake in the eyes.
Jake smiled.
“Yeah,” he breathed, and kissed him.
Dirk shuddered. He slumped forward, holding onto Jake's hand to steady himself.
Jake kissed at his lips and Dirk closed his eyes tightly.
“Fuck you,” he mumbled, barely getting the words out. “Fuck you for having to
be so fucking overdramatic.”
“You were the one who took us up a fuck-damned mountain,” Jake said with a
truly absurd degree of indignation and Dirk's shoulders shook with repressed
laughter.
“That's not even – fuck you.”
“I think I like it when you get all incoherent. Feel like I should get some
kind of trophy or something.”
“You'd have a long way to go to reach a collection as big as your grandma's.”
“What did I say about being not very nice?” Jake nuzzled at him, pressing their
lips together again and Dirk felt his whole body respond, arms curling around
him. There was something in him, something big and choking and his toes were
twisting in his shoes, heaviness in his throat, behind his eyes.
Jake moved, pressing his cheek to Dirk's and Dirk hugged him, holding on
tighter than he ever had to anything before in his life.
“Fuck you.”
His breaths were ten seconds long, absurdly long, big shuddery things. He
thought of music, of the beats. But there was Jake and he was actually there,
rubbing his thumb on Dirk's back and -
“I actually really sort of fucking love you.”
“Yeah. I know.” Jake tilted his head a little, bumping it against Dirk's. “I
love you, too.”
“Fuck. Just – stop that. For a bit.”
Jake was silent. Dirk held onto him.
Just...fuck. Fuck. For some time, he couldn't do anything else but sit there
with Jake. It was just... too much. Too much. Too much happiness and relief and
caring and lots of other things he couldn't possibly pick out, like colors all
spilling and pouring together, veins and lines of this and that, mixing and
blurring. He'd never felt so much all at once ever before, and it was – it had
to be good, right? But right now he felt like panicking, because surely this
was too much, right? People weren't supposed to feel this much all at once, not
just because someone agreed to go out with them or whatever, this was over the
top. No, it wasn't colors – it was music, instruments adding and adding in an
ever-louder Bolero until it was just noise and there was no way to distinguish
them.
But music was always noise. And as he breathed, it became quieter, and the
instruments stopped, and there was a tune again, always in the back of his
mind. An unfamiliar one – something weird and experimental and jerky and void
of any kind of recognizable beat, but still music. Good music.
Jake was warm. He was so warm, and that made it worse, made him feel even more
twisty and hot. But he didn't want to let go. He was reminded of his dream, and
in that moment he never wanted to let go, not ever.
Finally, he leaned back, eyes downcast.
“Ok.”
“I really am sorry.”
“Good.”
Jake paused, then reached a hand upwards. “Um, could I...”
Dirk stared at him. “Oh, right.” He reached for his shades, but as he took them
off he paused.
“...if we're being honest, here...”
Jake frowned. “Uh, sure?”
Dirk looked him in the eye, holding up the glasses. “I don't really care if
people see my eyes. I just wear these because they look cool. And 'cause my bro
gave them to me.”
Jake stared at him. Then he snorted, and then he was outright laughing, gasping
for air.
“...uh, what?” Dirk asked, bewildered.
“Just... fuck. We really are both idiots, aren't we?” Jake said between
breaths, and Dirk's mouth twitched, which turned into a chuckle, and then he
was pushing Jake away, hand covering his face.
“Complete idiots. Total idiots. The two biggest fucking idiots to ever live.”
“Oh dear,” Jake said with feeling, and Dirk's shoulders were shaking again.
Then Jake was kissing his cheek, and Dirk kissed his lips firmly. He had no
fucking idea what he was doing. But for the first time, it actually wasn't
screwing up. It almost seemed to be working.
“We should have sex,” Jake said.
Dirk blinked. “Yes.”
But Jake broke away, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
Dirk stared at him. The fuck? How on earth could Jake not get this even now?
And then he followed his gaze. Dirt and rocks and grasses. Everywhere, dirt and
rocks and grasses.
Right. The mountain thing.
“...you really didn't think this through, did you?”
“Shut the fuck up. I was thinking for you, you fuckhead.”
“Ok I have to admit, I probably would have done the same thing! But I didn't
and you did so I think it is reasonable to blame you.”
Dirk's eye twitched. He realized with alarm that his good mood was already
trickling away and turned inwards, trying to figure out how to get back to what
he was feeling just seconds before.
“Oh geez.” Jake sighed, resting his own head on Dirk's shoulder. Dirk jumped.
“You're doing it again.”
“Doing what again?”
“That look. All displeased and such.”
Dirk frowned. “It's nothing.”
Suddenly Jake's head came up again and he frowned, looking Dirk straight in the
eye. Dirk glanced away uneasily.
“Look, you – are you seriously getting all upset just because you did something
silly? And I didn't?”
“What? No, of course not.”
Jake glared at him and Dirk glanced away again.
The seconds dragged on. Finally, Jake said, in a surprisingly quiet voice, “Is
it really that hard to accept that sometimes, I'm the right one? That
sometimes, I might actually be better at you at something?”
“No,” Dirk said with force, looking Jake head-on. But the other boy didn't look
angry. He just looked... fuck, Dirk was the worst friend ever. “No. That's not
true.”
“But sometimes you – and all this week, you keep being all like-”
“That was just me being an idiot. Just – don't – look.” Dirk ran a hand through
his hair. What was going on? The confession was supposed to fix everything,
right? “I'm not – I'm an idiot, sometimes. Especially this week. And with you.
I guess.”
Jake frowned, but he didn't seem hurt anymore. His expression was unreadable,
but he was listening carefully.
“Then why?” he asked.
Dirk opened his mouth and then closed it again. He pursed his lips, looking
away, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. Why did he keep doing that? Fuck.
He'd sort of noticed himself doing it, but – it was all just to protect Jake,
right? To take care of him. But maybe there was a reason behind that he'd never
thought about, and now that he was thinking about it, it wasn't looking good.
There were a lot of reasons. He really did worry about Jake and wanted to look
after him just like he looked after Jane and Roxy. But it was more than that.
Maybe, he was so freaked out from feeling lost all this time that he just
really wanted one area where he felt like he was on top of everything. Maybe,
on some level, he genuinely didn't think he and Jake could be together as a
couple and so he kept trying to push their relationship in another direction as
well, almost like a back-up? And maybe...
His cheeks grew redder. He'd been pretty depressed last night, hadn't he? It
felt more surreal than ever by now. But... the more he thought about it, the
more he couldn't deny the possibility that what he'd thought back then might
just be what he'd been feeling all along and that he’d just been too proud to
admit it. In fact, it was looking increasingly like that was the case.
But it was stupid. He didn't think that little of himself, did he? He was just
trying to keep it all into perspective. One had to know one's own faults, after
all.
Jake was still watching him. Jesus, the guy really did have eyes like a puppy.
Even after Dirk had acted like such an asshole to him all week, he still wanted
to be with him.
Dirk glanced downwards, then to the left, then down again.
“Well...there were...a few reasons.”
“Like?” Jake sounded expectant, but when Dirk looked his way he seemed
almost...understanding?
Dirk sighed, scratching at his wrist. Before he could talk himself out of it,
he said in one breath, “I guess partially it was just that I didn't really get
why you would want to go out with me at all and I wanted to prove it or
something? I don't know. It was stupid. I'm sorry.”
Jake blinked, and then again. And then his mouth twitched, and then even more,
until he was almost shaking from silent mirth.
“What?” Dirk said, immediately defensive.
“It's just -” Jake grinned, placing a hand at each of Dirk's cheeks. “That's –
that's really cute.”
Dirk's facial expression moved in a strange and unexplainable way. Jake
outright laughed, and Dirk wondered whether he had accidentally transported
them both seven days back in time. God he hoped not.
“Sorry, but – it is!” Dirk glared, and Jake only smiled wider. “It's cute! I
just – I just sort of want to hug you. And maybe pinch your cheeks.”
“I thought we decided I was weird.”
“You are weird. You are both weird and cute. They go together.”
“Since when?”
Jake shook his head, ignoring him. “Just...” All of a sudden, he pulled Dirk's
head forward and kissed his forehead. Dirk stared, and Jake again placed
himself directly in front of Dirk's vision. “Why do you think we're friends?”
“...what the fuck kind of a question is that?”
Jake shook his head. “Seriously! Why are all of us friends? Is it – because
Jane is an amazing chef and is probably going to be the best president
Crockercorp has ever seen, or because Roxy knows basically all the things and
can play a game for like five minutes and still kick everyone's arses, even
totally sloshed? Is it because you have what I actually suspect is a
photographic memory and also are so amazing at fighting that I can't even touch
a robot you programmed to novice mode?” Jake shrugged. “Well...maybe! Obviously
that's part of it, I think. But at the end of the day, don't you think it's the
other stuff that is more important? The way Jane cannot pull off a prank to
save her life, no matter how hard she tries. The way Roxy is pretty much
constantly off her head drunk and honestly, I'm pretty sure she just makes all
those typos up half the time! The way I...well, ok, you win, I admit it: some
of the movies I like are terrible. The way we're all...well, weird. We are, all
four of us, at the end, just really, really weird and that's sort of the thing
I like best, I think? And just between you and me?” Jake smiled even wider,
touching his nose to Dirk's. “I think you and I are the weirdest of us all.”
Dirk breathed in. Jake chuckled quietly; once.
“And...I like that. I really like seeing when you get all happy and trying to
not show it but then you do. I like it when I get to show you something you've
never seen before – like this island? You always just looked so amazed, I could
tell! I like it when we can work together on something, and even if it's
totally pointless and ridiculous – doesn't that almost make it better? I'd much
rather have the Dirk I can make sandcastles with and shoot silly movie scenes
with and – and even play really, really terrible videogames with than the Dirk
who just kinda fights things and then goes away.”
Jake paused, then coughed. “Well ok that ended up longer than I expected, but.
You can talk now!”
“...did you memorize that?”
“Of course not! Wait -” Jake suddenly smiled with a kind of insane glee that
left Dirk instantly worried. “You totally memorized what you said to me just
before, didn't you? I bet you – like, planned it out and everything?”
Dirk raised an eyebrow. “Maybe.”
Jake laughed, leaning forward to kiss him, briefly. “You are so ridiculous
sometimes. It's awesome.”
Dirk shook his head. But…he couldn’t deny it – even aside from all the angst
and stupidity and worrying, he’d had more fun this week than he’d ever had
before. He didn’t ever want to stop doing that. Wasn’t that the whole reason he
wanted to stay friends with Jake?
Fuck. He was an idiot.
“Just. I can't believe that, after everything, you are actually more self-aware
than I am.”
“Can you really not?”
Dirk looked at him. “I guess I can.”
Jake smiled, silent for a few seconds. And then, with great purpose, he said
simply, “I believe in you.”
Dirk stared, then nodded. “I...” he said. “I believe in you, too.”
Jake smiled so much Dirk honestly thought he was going to burst or something.
Then, with a rather abstract kind of objective wonder, he realised he was doing
the same thing.
“Ahhhh, are you really sure we can't just do it up here? It's not that dirty-”
“No.”
Jake sighed, but didn't appear to have expected otherwise. “Well, I guess we
should really go, then!
Dirk nodded, standing up. “After you,” he said, gesturing theatrically.
Jake grinned wider, taking his hand. “I don't think so.”
*
“Of course! There are always more!”
“For every movie you make me watch I get to spend two hours cultivating your
appreciation of irony.”
“Is that really what you'd do with me for two hours?” Jake waggled his eyebrows
up and down.
“Well obviously I'm not gonna do you, that would just encourage you. You wanna
have sex, get rid of the movies.”
Jake frowned carefully.
“Oh shit don't tell me you are actually thinking this over.”
“This goes beyond just you or me, Dirk. This is about the film industry as a
whole and its mark on mankind.”
“You actually believe this, don't you.”
Jake tugged him forward and ascended the final step into his room. For a moment
he paused.
“Oh yeah!” He turned around and kissed Dirk.
“...you forgot what we were doing.”
“I didn't forget! I just lost track of where we were going.”
“You forgot.”
“I didn't forget!” Jake insisted. “And anyway, you distracted me with
your...talking.”
“Would you rather talk about movies or have sex?”
“Sex, obviously!” Jake pouted. “Jesus, you are so bloody sensitive-” Dirk
mashed their lips together, pushing Jake towards the bed. Jake let out a
delighted little sound, allowing Dirk to direct them towards it.
Jake pulled away to hop onto the bed, lying down and settling himself in. “I
like it when you do that.”
“Really.” Dirk climbed on as well, crawling over him.
“Tch – didn't we go over this? I didn't mean it like that!” Jake reached up to
toy with Dirk's hair; Dirk flinched at first but then reluctantly let him. It
felt more than silly to object to that now, given what they were about to do.
Not that this would give Jake permission to screw with his hair whenever he
felt like it, though.
“What I meant was that I like it when you do what you want to do. Because then
I know you want to, yeah?”
“...if you were still under any doubt that I wanted to do this-”
“I know,” Jake said, waving his hand. “But I mean like – in general. You aren't
exactly the most open guy, dude. It's always 'bluh bluh what can I do to help
out everyone else without letting anyone know that I might actually care about
something'! And I know you just said that, but – I like it when I know you like
little things, too.”
Dirk stared at him. “Was that supposed to make sense?”
Jake grabbed his wrist, angling his hand so he could twine their fingers
together. “Now you.”
“Now me what?”
“I just said something I like, so now you have to say something you like, too!”
“You're really devoted to this idea, aren't you?”
“Because it's true.” Jake looked up at him, expression warm but
uncharacteristically serious. “And I'm not just trying to be nice here, either.
If I can't do things that make you happy then you'll just get all hurt and
snarky and then wander off on your own all sulky and not get over it for days
and just expect me to somehow make you feel better. And I'm not particularly
keen on doing that!”
“I don't do that.”
Jake gave him a withering look.
Dirk shuffled uncomfortably, still leaned over Jake. “So I just say something I
like?” Jake nodded excitably. “Does it have to relate to your thing?”
“No, but it can if you want it to!”
Dirk sighed. Whatever, saying something he liked – it was simple. Ideas began
flowing through his mind instantly. But everything was either irrelevant (I
like music), too sappy (I like it when we're up close and I can see your
eyelashes), too snarky (I like having sex with my boyfriend), or just sort of
gave him the feeling that he was missing the point (I like seeing you smile).
Dirk shifted again, wracking his mind. This couldn't be too difficult, right?
He wasn't that bad that he couldn't tell his boyfriend one thing that he liked,
was he?
He focused on Jake again. He was waiting patiently, still smiling that same
goofy grin up at him, one hand on his stomach, the other holding Dirk's hand,
thumb rubbing at the back. The movement set tingles up Dirk's arm; come to
think of it, hadn't Jake been doing that a lot this week?
That was good enough. “I like it when you rub my hand with your thumb like
that. Or whatever.” Even as he said it it sounded totally lame, but Jake
grinned up at him more brightly than ever, pulling him down and kissing him.
“Wonderful.”
“Great. Now I'm managed to impress you with my ability to recognise things that
please me...”
Jake kissed him again, humming slightly. “Maybe I should make you do that every
time we have sex?” he wondered aloud.
“Jesus christ.” Dirk kissed him for real, slipping his tongue into his mouth
and twining it with his. Jake chuckled, playing with the hair at the back of
Dirk's neck as he responded. Dirk grunted; it actually did feel rather nice. No
wonder Jake enjoyed it when he did that.
As they continued, Dirk again expected his brain to soon shut off, leaving him
with nothing but the wonderful experience of Jake beneath him. But as he
settled himself onto Jake, tracing the skin of his side under his shirt, that
never happened. If anything, his mind whirled ever more readily into action,
absolutely bursting with facts – that Jake smelled nice, yes, and that Jake's
skin was so warm, but also that they were here together, that Dirk no longer
had any reason to not stay here longer, that Jake was actually kind of sort of
his boyfriend now. He kept replaying scenes from before, lines in his head,
like when Jake had said 'yeah' and kissed him just before. Or he'd remember
something silly Jake had said days ago, or how nice he'd looked wet and lying
next to him on the beach, or that smile he'd had the first time they set eyes
on one another in person. There was no reason to push any of this away anymore,
no reason to think of these things as only shameful reminders of how little he
understood Jake, or as painful examples of exactly what he wouldn't be able to
do anymore with Jake very soon. He could think, and he could feel, and it was
fucking brilliant.
“You think too much,” Jake murmured, fingers trailing dangerously low on Dirk's
back.
“Nope,” he said quietly, shifting to kiss at Jake's neck. “Just enough.”
“Mmph, yes, hah.”
Dirk chuckled, biting down softly into Jake's neck. He squirmed, letting out
more very pleasant little noises. Dirk's stomach fluttered; but while before
the feeling had been pretty terrible, now Dirk knew that he could not think of
anything better than making Jake do that again.
Jake disagreed, apparently, as he took Dirk's ass his his hand, pushing it
towards him. Both groaned as their clothed dicks came together; both were well
on their way to being fully erect.
Dirk bit down on Jake's neck again and Jake let out a quiet keening that went
straight to Dirk's cock. He squirmed, putting their crotches together again,
and hissed.
Jake's hand left Dirk's ass and Dirk frowned. But then he was pushing it
between them and Dirk raised himself to let him, letting his own hand trail up
and down Jake's side and making his shirt ride up. Jake fumbled with the front
of Dirk's jeans; after a few seconds of this, Dirk sat up more, reaching down
to open it himself.
“Look, doing it at this angle is actually kind of hard!” Jake whined.
Dirk rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guarantee that was 100% what I was thinking
about just then.”
That done, he looked down at Jake; he was spread out on the mattress, eyes wide
and skin flushed, pants bulging significantly.
“Well?” Jake said, and Dirk realised he'd been staring.
“Sorry. You look good.” He reached for Jake's fly, unable to repress a smile
when Jake reached up to kiss his jaw. Carefully he worked at the buttons and
the zip, finally freeing his dick; when he touched it, Jake hissed loudly.
“Ah, oh fuck yes, yes, fuck, that's very good, yes.”
“I think I like it when you get all incoherent like this,” Dirk murmured,
kissing at the edge of Jake's mouth as he squeezed; Jake didn't didn't even
attempt to respond intelligibly. Instead, he fumbled at Dirk's crotch again,
taking out his dick as well. Dirk grunted, breath coming fast and eyes
fluttering shut.
There wasn't much left to it at this point – he slid his hand up down down
Jake's cock, spreading the precum for added slickness, trying to co-ordinate a
rhythm as he pumped him. The angle was unusual but it wasn't too difficult to
account for it, and there was a definite pleasure involved in testing which of
the things he enjoyed appealed to Jake as well.
But as they became faster, even this became too difficult to think about and he
let himself go easily, tongue tracing Jake's jaw as he pumped his hand.
Jake's hand began to stutter and go off synch so Dirk pressed onwards,
squeezing his dick and running his thumb over the head, nibbling by his ear.
Very quickly, Jake was coming, crying out loudly and unintelligibly.
Jake sighed, relaxing into the mattress, hand loosening around Dirk. Dirk
continued to milk him slowly, letting him ride the aftershocks, until Jake
shifted uncomfortably.
“Good?”
“Yes.” Jake chuckled. “Insecure.”
“The- fine, I take it back.”
Jake started laughing and Dirk was about to complain but then Jake's hand
tightened and was moving again and fuck yes, okay, that was good.
He nestled his head in the crook of Jake's neck, muffling his mouth against his
shoulder as Jake moved over his dick, teasing the head and then moving behind
to fondle his balls. Jesus he was good at this. Or did Dirk just have no idea
what counted as good? Either way it felt fucking fantastic.
“You look so fucking hot right now,” Jake murmured and Dirk bit back a groan.
“So fucking hot, and all for me.”
“Unf-” Dirk grunted, then moaned aloud, low and shaky, as he came, come
splattering over Jake's hand and stomach. He breathed in and out deeply, toes
curling and uncurling, resting happily over Jake.
After a while, he became aware of Jake's hand lightly stroking his hair. He
shifted so he wasn't resting all of his weight on Jake, and Jake kissed his
forehead, wrapping his other arm around him.
“So touchy. Insecure.”
“Wrong. Very, very secure right here.”
Hesitantly, Dirk shook off his hand (jesus this was gross and he was definitely
going to be having a shower later but whatever) and wrapped his arm around him
as well. This earned him another forehead kiss.
“Should have known you'd be the cuddly type.”
“Actually, I kind of always assumed you'd be, as well. Glad to see I'm right.”
“You seem to know a lot of things about me.”
“Yep,” Jake said casually, and Dirk poked him hard in the side. Jake squawked.
“So rude!”
“Didn't expect that, huh?”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I wanted you to do that. Maybe you are even as we speak
falling precisely into my master plan.”
“Holy god you're incoherent. Am I really that good?”
“Maybe.”
Dirk snorted, shaking his head. “Such a fucking sap.”
“Says the guy holding onto me like a bloody barnacle.”
Dirk refused to dignify that with an answer, instead contenting himself with
lying there. He was reminded of their time at the beach a few days ago when
he'd laid against the sand, just thinking. They would have to do that again.
“Hey, Dirk?”
“Yeah?”
“You're not going tomorrow, are you?”
“I think I could stand to stay for another week or so.”
Jake actually giggled and it was so silly and stupid and cute that Dirk almost
wished he was in a position to facepalm.
“We should have sex again,” Jake said suddenly. “Right now.”
“Yeah. Actually, just a moment,” Dirk said, remembering something. With more
difficulty than he'd expected he hauled himself up, turning around so he could
reach the computer by his bed.
“What? Why? What are you doing?”
“I'll just be a second.” Logging on, he accessed pesterchum and opened a
conversation.
“Whatever you're doing can't be more important than this.”
“Hold your goddamn horses English. Horny bastard.”
“I'd rather you didn't mention horses with your cock out like that.”
“Wow, I just got Jake English to mention the words 'horse' and 'cock' in the
same sentence while half-naked. Fuck it, if that got recorded I don't even need
you anymore.”
“Are you done yet?” Jake whined, already kissing at the back of Dirk's neck.
“Done,” Dirk said, and turned around to kiss him properly.
*
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:10
timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "ijusthadsex.mp3"
TG: OMFG FINLLY
 
The End
Chapter End Notes
     And that's the end! :) I'd like to give a big thank you to everyone
     who left a comment or kudos or even just read the fic so far! it
     really meant a lot to me to see it! And in particular I pretty much
     have to give a huge thank you to my wonderful friend and moirail
     Louise (Vorticity007) for just being so good and patient and
     comforting even when I got overstressed and started leaving rambly,
     depressing tumblr text posts. You made the trip...not make me start
     hating everything ever! :)
End Notes
     The comment about leaping into a valley named 'the true meaning of
     broship' is a reference to this_tumblr_post by Ryan_North about a
     prank he pulled on Andrew Hussie.
     The comment about the tsundere mountains is a reference to this_comic
     originally by Goopi.
     I am aware that Jake's house actually does_not_exist. Unfortunately,
     I did not become aware of this until the fic had been written in its
     entirety and I was well into the editing process. I assure you most
     vehemently that no-one is more displeased by this canonical
     inaccuracy than I am.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
